The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Earlier post I mentioned that I had not heard from AD for over a week, since I told her she could not crash at our house, because I knew she would be drinking here.
Well, guess what? You are right. She called to let me know she did not "drop from the face of the earth". She told me that she had "detoxed herself", without going into the hospital. She is now going to out patient therapy " to get her mind straight". I thought "great, she is on right path".
Then she started in on me, telling me that I had turned my back on her by refusing to let her come here. I told her that I was attending Al-Anon and been learning about "enabling" and it was very hard for me to turn her away. She did not know what al-anon was. Apparently she has not come along with her "recovery". She said she was going to see a physchrist(excuse spelling; I cannot find spell check on this thing). I told her to tell her phys. that her mom would not let her come to our home. She screamed at me not to tell her what to say.
Then she told me that there all kind of addictions in this world; drugs, alcohol and food. She said the food addiction, because I was over weight and had lapband!!! So, that is my addiction. God help me; I am so angry that I could eat a box of Oreo Cookies!!!!!
This conversation was over 2 hours ago and I am just now starting to calm down. Helps that I can vent here.
Ok, guys, thanks for letting me vent. I am asking advise here; is it ok not to pick up the phone when her number shows up on caller ID? Seriously, will I hamper her so called recovery?
Thanks again; now time for Oreo cookies and milk!!!! God!!!!!!!!!!!!
__________________
Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
I have often found the art of looking at the caller ID and not picking up the phone very handy!
My oldest AD tends to quack a lot on the other end of the line. Chances are, if she's calling, she wants to dump her stuff on me, and I am a busy college student!
Vent away anytime you need to, dear! (((((hugs)))))
__________________
"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
Nope... you can't impact her recovery, positively or negatively, simply by not answering the phone.... The really cool and freeing thing about the 3 C's are that you cannot 'cause, control, or cure' her alcoholism OR her sobriety!!!
Good for you in coming here to vent... it's a safe place....
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
As others have sahred yooooou need not worry about your daughters recovery. Pleased take care of your recovery. If talking to her can upset you for a few hours, then please take care of you and screen your calls.
It's perfectly fine not to pick up the phone. You can no more make her drink then she can cause you to eat Oreos.
Please don't let her upset you so much. You did something about your inferred addiction right? That's something to be proud of. Yes, there are all kinds of addictions. Ultimately it is what you do about them that matters most. It seems to me you did what worked for you. Now it's her turn.
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Aloha Clara...Another example of "cunning", "Powerful" and "baffling". My alcoholics and addicts could reach inside of me also and twist some knobs and hit some buttons too until I clipped the wires behind the knobs and buttons. After that I had to work hard to get to guilt and defensive and I just gave up reacting. Thanks to my elder sponsor who gave me "Don't React". Oreos and Milk that is one hell of a combination and I use to OD on it also until I learned how to set boundaries for myself and taught myself to not eat up the entire inventory so that I would be without an emergency crises/chaos supply and start to sweat. One of the comebacks I learned from recovery that I could use when the alcoholics/addicts hit a target on me was, "You know you might be right. Let me looking into that. Thanks" Program can also get cunning, powerful and baffling.
Thanks everyone for the encouragement. Needless to say, I had a horrible night sleeping.
I cannot blame my depression on her, anymore than she can blame her drinking on me, but darn, I am depressed this morning.
I am supposed to go to an Al-Anon meeting this morning, but due to our lightning damage earlier this week, I have to take care of the TV,DVR,computer and everything else that was damaged. So, I will use this place to replace my f2f today.
__________________
Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
"It's perfectly fine not to pick up the phone. You can no more make her drink then she can cause you to eat Oreos." -christy
Ok, I am totally with Christy on this one, she sd it so eloquently.
Clara, I know a fair amount of depression, through personal experience & it also runs in the family. I spent nearly a year in bed, crying, having suicidal fantasies, neglecting myself & often participating in self destructive behaviors. I had a hard time doing constructive things for me at that point, I got so bad - u dont even want to help yourself, even when I was trying to force it on me, it was difficult. Once I began to practise focusing on me & def sharing in mtgs, posting here & in chat helped tremendously.
I have read, heard, depression is anger turned inward - anger u dont feel u have the right to have. You are entitled to your feelings & there is nothing wrong with them.
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Kitty, well said. I realized this morning that the reason I was depressed was because I was angry at myself. I have been working on those feelings and I have actually pulled myself out of the deep hole of depression.
__________________
Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
