The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Not quite fifteen. But close enough. There's something about that number. It runs through my life and when I look back, there are an awful lot of red, yellow, green, blue, orange, white, and black flags sticking through the number 15. Not just on the calendar, although there are plenty of those. I was 15 when my dad died. He was 15 when he started drinking.
I lost my virginity on the 15th; my daughter got sober on the 15th. My parents got married on the 15th. I got sober when my daughter was 15.
Now, my granddaughter is on the slippery slope to 15. She is bouncing back and forth between doing ok and being in trouble. Nothing huge, just lots of little things that snowball. She's diagnosed OCD, and as her stepdad observed, once she was diagnosed her compulsive behavior quadrupled. She is very, very smart.
I don't know if alcohol is involved, but there's no doubt in my mind alcoholism is involved. It's in her blood in every direction.
I'm more concerned about my daughter and son-in-law, they are doing ok but I am trying to be a listening ear for them. Drama Goddess is in God's Hands. Her step grandpappa is just praying.
13-15 and a bit beyond are the changing years and it's all done without the manual. Is there a manual for letting go of the apron strings and trying to fly on your own? I never had one and I am still amazed at some of the things I got involved in (some very bizarre and insane) and survived. Those were the "crap shoot" days. We did and just waited to see what hit the fan. We didn't learn much from the consequences either just went on to the next event. I did either have a guardian angel at that time or my HP did alot of overtime.
Drinking, drugging, racing, fighting, sexing, gun toting, and then the really bad stuff started. I am sure that some of the elders understood from their past events and were patient and more tender. I am sure that the cops had some of the same empathy also but without restraint and the wakeup call from the program I did the run for twenty years. I know it wasn't the fairy god-mother who kept me barely under control. HP was answering my mother's and my families prayers..."Please keep him away from the house, not in water so deep that he can't surface for air and see the sunshine, and alive that he might have a chance to STOP!!! dammit STOP IT!! The program gave my mom the son she always wanted with a few kinks left and time to work on them.
I can remember being a 15 yr old girl and too remember some of the risks I took. I am thankful that I came through those teenage years relatively unscathed, despite some not-so-well thought out decisions! Thinking about how so, I know a large part of my success is due to the fact that I was offered unconditional love and acceptance by my best friend's family, despite them being well knowledged of my shaky track record. Being loved and respected by this family, and being told and showed I was loved and respected, made me want to do better with my life and allowed me to have at least SOME boundaries and limits!
It is one of the most difficult times of our lives, that age. Its a miracle I am still alive and survived my teens. Makes my 40's and 50's look like a piece of cake, I mean at least I have some time under my belt now- back then I had ZERO experience with anything.
All we can do as adults is love them through, pray and be present/listen (not necessarily offer any advice).
I work a lot with teens and tweens and its actually the age I prefer working with. Its a tender, juicy time- they are receptive, confused, hot and cold running water, trying, ramping up, fizzling out, all at the same time.
Be glad. Witness. Love- its all we can do and it sounds like you know that. this too shall pass and she will be a beautiful adult in a flash and off and on her own in no time. Hugs, J.
Wow Bariasax, how did you know what I needed to read?! The 'ism' is alive and well in the next generation for me. As the big 8th grade graduation party is being planned for almost 14 year old granddaughter, her stepmom has called me to pick my brain on some parenting skills, and I hear the 'ism' running wild. Granddaughter spends weekends with the active oldest AD of mine and gladly carries the 'ism' back home. Sigh.
I do pray a lot. I love even more on the rare opportunities that I have the grandkids at my house for a visit.
God bless you for the post! ((((((((hugs))))))))))
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
