The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ok as i am sure many stories begin with this. I am angry and frustrated with AH disease. I am ready to kick him to the curb i am tired of trying to "fix" somthing i cant. He went to the gray bar hotel at the fist of the month to "detox" (this is for his 2nd dui in 10yrs) and get a start on being sober. He was in there 9 days and when he came home he stated he had a positive attitude on the whole thing, well that lasted 1 day and the 2nd day back to drinking again. He states that he doesnt understand why everyone thinks he was going to do a 360 right away and for me to be patient!! Humm been patient for the last year of going thru depression with him and myself and him breaking a colar bone being stupid on a 4 wheeler this summer (been drinking) and another dui in October. My patient"s has ran out. I have taken care of my depression & he got onto medication for his but with the drinking and medication well he's killing his liver as we speak. I am basic watching him kill himself. I have a 10yr old son who has been affected also by this and tired of the lying his dad has done. I feel like he keeps dangling the worm in front of my face about cleaning up and then when i get home from work once again drunk again. I have read things about alanon and trying to take it one day at a time and keep it simple but have been unable to detatch myself from the situation when its in my face everynight. Last night he passed out and i told myself that i wasnt going to make him go to bed and worry about him getting up for work in the am (he goes at 1am) I figured i was just going to worry about me and went to bed after putting my son to bed. I guess he got up for work wasnt home when i got up this morning. i felt this was a big acomplishment due to the fact of i used to set a alarm clock by where ever he passed out to make sure he got up for work. I am worried about kicking him out due to the fact i cant afford the house payment and all the other bills, but at the rate he's going i may loose everything anyways. so anyways i feel better now that i have vented and this is just a short version of everything as everyone knows on this board. so any suggestions would be a great help
Well done the alarm clock is a start , getting to work is his responsibility not yours . Please find Al-Anon meetings for yourself u need support , what your doing is not working except to frustrate u even more . He will do what he has to do until he is done . There is alot u can do for yourself and your son and u don't have to leave the marriage to make the changes u want in your life . If You can give al anon a few months do what it suggests and see how u feel then make your decission. Louise
Yes, definitely find a face-to-face meeting near you. I am new to this and I've been to 2 meetings so far, they are very helpful when you're feeling so hopeless.
Hi, and welcome to MIP.... That is a wonderful first step for you - not waking him up and babysitting him to get to work.... that is awesome. I would get my hands on the Getting Them Sober book, volume one, and read all you can....
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Welcome and I will only ditto what has already been suggested. Meetings had everything I needed to attain and maintain my peace of mind and serenity. Find the Al-Anon hotline number in your phone book...call it and jot down the meeting places and times. There's a chair already waiting for you. Make sure you get to the Conference Approved Literature at the meeting also.
Many prayers of mine started off by my saying...Dear God, I am frustrated and aggrivated! And I mean many.
Do whatever it takes to stay in the moment....don't look back or forward. Focus on you in the here and now. For me, that was to jump in my flower beds, clean out some clutter or take a hot bath....whatever got me to focus on me or not focus at all on anything...escaping the chaos. Find out what helps you escape and KEEP COMING BACK!
Thank you everyone for your tips and support. After I wrote this I felt better just releasing my irritation and frustration and seeing people do care and understand what i am going thru helps alot. Once again I arrived home AH drunk again but this time i just walked away and went about my evening with my son. My biggest challenge will be my parents are coming up on Thurs and I am worried about their reaction to the situation I am in. Havent told them anything that has been going on. So I am not sure of what to do when the subject comes up. They will probably insist on me leaving but I am not ready for that. So any suggestions on how to handle the subject when it comes up would be appreciated. I feel that I want to tell them if they have any question's to direct them to AH. Thank you again and will be looking into face to face meetings. ((((HUGS))) to everyone.
The book canadianguy suggests is a great start! He sent me a copy and I just couldn't put it down. I kept reading and every other page was me and my life! Hard choices to make and I completely understand not being able to make it on your own. If you don't wake him up for work he could ultimately get fired and you are up a creek but you normally do because of this reason. Good choice but like you said if you are on the road to losing everything then why worry about him and work. Find your own way to get things done without him. Just focus on what you can control! And by now you know that is not him! Good luck with everything and I hope you get to keep your family together.
Any questions they have should absolutely be directed to him!!! You have nothing to explain. And if you get in the middle then you will be stuck there in the middle. You will be pulled back and forth and I have been there it is not fun
Humm been patient for the last year of going thru depression with him and myself and him breaking a colar bone being stupid on a 4 wheeler this summer (been drinking) and another dui in October. My patient"s has ran out. I have taken care of my depression & he got onto medication for his but with the drinking and medication well he's killing his liver as we speak. I am basic watching him kill himself. I have a 10yr old son who has been affected also by this and tired of the lying his dad has done. I feel like he keeps dangling the worm in front of my face about cleaning up and then when i get home from work once again drunk again. I have read things about alanon and trying to take it one day at a time and keep it simple but have been unable to detatch myself from the situation when its in my face everynight. 
Last night he passed out and i told myself that i wasnt going to make him go to bed and worry about him getting up for work in the am (he goes at 1am) I figured i was just going to worry about me and went to bed after putting my son to bed. I guess he got up for work wasnt home when i got up this morning. i felt this was a big acomplishment due to the fact of i used to set a alarm clock by where ever he passed out to make sure he got up for work. I am worried about kicking him out due to the fact i cant afford the house payment and all the other bills, but at the rate he's going i may loose everything anyways. so anyways i feel better now that i have vented and this is just a short version of everything as everyone knows on this board. so any suggestions would be a great help 