The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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Well my son left for camp yesterday and EXABF walked away again on Saturday, and I am feeling more alone that I have ever, but in a way I am ok with it. I realized, through the help of many of you, that EXABF just can't offer what I want-for whatever reason's he is just not capable. I can no longer allow my life to be a revolving door for him to come and go as he sees fit. I never really saw his bad qualities before-I had him painted as this perfect man but he isn't. He is an alcoholic-drinking or sober-and always will be, he is not consistant in his thoughts or actions, he is no mature enough for a real adult relationship and all the good and bad it entails, he is not reliable, he is stubborn and unwilling to compromise, he is not trust worthy and whatever he was when we met or what I thought he was-he isn't now. All things I need to come to terms with......but this morning it hit me like a slap in the face, (as I was walking down the hall at work determined that I would trust in HP and His will for me and trust that I am right where I am supposed to be no matter how bad it hurts to be here)......that I can't change EXABF......no matter what I think, or what I feel or how much I love him-I can't make him what he isn't, I can't make him care, or want the same things I want, or believe what I believe.......all I really can do at this point is just LET GO.....it was a really calming moment when it hit me......just let it go..... Guess that is what I need to do now........gonna be a long row to hoe......but I can do it as long as I stay in program and keep my focus on me and my son.....whom right now I miss like crazy!!!!! This too shall pass......trying to keep it simple. shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
When I was with my exAH, u know he blamed everything on me, EVERYTHING was magically MY fault & it RUINED his mood or day. But I was changing when we were together. I was actually trying to accomodate him at every turn. When I would make the changes he wanted -- then he didnt want them or they weren't good enough or exactly like he wished. ugh What a waste! Well, I say that but I learned (eventuully after I left him) that trying to change for someone else is betraying yourself.
unwilling to compromise could be a great quality if one has integrity. But I havent met an A that does. They will break any rule to suit themselves. Acceptance is a beautiful thing. Enjoy your time alone to be extra gentle & considerate to YOU. Do some nice things for yoruself that will help your soul to soar & renew. Use it as a wonderful opportunity to take some time out just for you ~ you deserve it!
Curl up with a good book & fluffy blanket, an old movie & ur fav ice cream, go work out or sit in nature - whatever u enjoy the most! Focus on YOU. You deserve your own best attention -- the time "out" will recharge you & enable you to be a better parent when ur sone gets back. Take care of you! *smiles*
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
shelly I understand totally how you feel I ended it for good with my A today I told him I have nothing left to give. I told him no more chances or broken promises. I rang my sponsor and she said picture you and him side by side who are you going to take care of. For years I have given my all now I am going to love me. I understand your pain so much. Its hard your son being gone but turn it into a positive you have time to grieve if you need to cry etc hes not around. As for being alone you are not you have HP and all your al anon family message me anytime. I intend to go for lots of long walks. eat well. sleep well take extra good care of me hope you do too.
When you do your part HP does HP's part and one of the results for me are those awarenesses that position the picture just at the right distance and angle that I finally get it. When I got it, a bit like yours, I cried like a baby. If felt like I was abandoning a child in the middle of a very very busy intersection and that she would have no chance for survival. God was I self centered!! Anyway that is not how it came out and I had my own life to straighten out...still do. Thanks for the real share. You're okay and will continue to be okay.
