The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One of the tasks I have been putting off for a while now is organizing my storage unit. I think its a symbol of all that I've lost. I had a home with the ex A a nice home with a garden I tended, room to move and space. Now I have a temporary home and a storage unit. I don't want to look at the stuff I accumulated when I was with him. What's more some of his junk is there and I'm certainly in no place to organize doing anything with it. I'm not up to contacting him because I know where that will go. I have had my fill of his chaos. I have a limited amount of time to get this organized as I will be busier during the summer months. Needless to say I had a whole slot of time at Christmas but I couldn't face it then.
Courage is sometimes difficult to muster but I have to do it. I need a better life and this is just one more obstacle in the path.
Maresie, you have given me some good advice on my posts for which I thank you from the bottom of my heart. My AH now lives in the west indies, he didnt want anything other than his very personal items, even most of those hes given to charity. I now have to live in "our home". he did so much here that even the room I sleep in he made, hes a builder....I have so many reminders, but the more I see them the less i see them if that makes sense...Its horrible going through things, I had five weeks to pack his things and found bits and bobs for ages, had to see them piled up every day and even now ive found things he didnt take which I will take some pleasure in selling on ebay! I have also thrown things out, even the "big forks" because he always had them when we ate, I had the little ones, just a silly thing but I had to do it. A very expensive picture, Im currently selling through someone, because I couldnt have it in the house a minute longer, but as i said, the feelings of this being his house are diminishing, ive removed all non structural reminders, I cant take the extensions down!, ive changed the furniture, made everything more my things, sort of untidied it a bit, and it does work to a degree...then its just time I suppose. It does take courage to confront the things that represent our past and our dreams for the future, we had so many plans that he couldnt ever have fulfilled, moving to the country (keeping them sober vol 4 says never move address and its right) but it was my dream, I thought it was ours, the internet was full of pages id saved of our dream home, thats been a meticulous taking down process so i can use the computer without too many reminders...but once faced and dealt with I find that it does start to get better... I wish you luck and know how very hard it is, ive cried over a screw in the wall!! Love Lilly
If I was you I would find a Dear Friend, and Make the best of it... Ask for a helping hand, let them know that you need a push, and don't know what you can bare.. I am sure they would be glad to help... Even one of your Al-anon friends, they may understand very well the toughness of getting it done, and be glad to help you go forward...
I know I need to clean out the clutter in my life as well, If I would just do it and get it over with then maybe I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed... Mine don't belong to an EX, it is just To much crap I don't need, don't use, and haven't looked at in years... I know how you feel...
But with the emotions you have and the anixity... I would get a "Fun" Friend, take some Good music, and make the most of it :) One Day (or Moment) at A Time! You Can Do This... Just have to take that step... Take what you like and leave the rest...
Its a tough one. I have a heap a stuff also and I cant face sorting it just yet. I know its there and sometimes it feels as though it's waiting to get me almost daring me to face it and I just cant. So what to do?? In order to make it as pain free as possible I've decided to leave it untill I feel strong enough, and am in the right place emotionally. Thats not avoiding it, more like self care. Set it as a goal maybe, or if possible do it in bite sizes chunks. Who knows you may find some things that you need in there. I hope when you do get to it, it will be more liberating than painful.
Yeah, I need to chime in here and say- YES, this is huge. I tried working on my storage unit (my exAH threw a bunch of stuff into it after I left) and I literally went into the rabbit hole for two solid weeks over it. I never thought that I would go into such a tailspin over that but I sure did...it was really hard and extremely painful. I really did not think it was going to affect me that way but it sure did. I got through it but boy, I wish I had come up with a better plan.
Do not underestimate this or believe its a menial task. Its fully loaded. Or at least it sure was for me! I still have a half a job left and I am not going to pressure myself about it but I sure would like to stop spending the monthly rent on it! But for now, its the price I am willing to pay to retain my serenity : ) Hugs, J.
Boy...its amazing what "our stuff" can do to us emotionally. During the last seperation from my A Hubby, "my stuff" was in storage. And I can remember saying, I want a home/my own place, I want to have my stuff with me. Well, I moved back in my home with my husband after some time apart. And you know what....I left "my stuff" in the storage for few months. I never really thought about it after. Once we went get it out of storage, it wasn't that impressive anymore.
Since then, I have gone through alot of things. What helped me was having 3 boxes: keep, donate, & trash. I would go through a little bit at a time. Suprisingly enough, there wasn't much that I wanted to keep. Now, things are very simple for me. There is no clutter. No junk. A few precious memories and photos.
One box at a time. And you'll be surprised how much clutter clogged your emotional pipes!
almost daring me to face it and I just cant.