The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I thought I had it all figured out, I made plans, expected them to come through because I had done everythign that I had thought possible to make them happen.
I have one year of school left, and I have to find $3000 somewhere. I was planning on getting a job I had interviewed for on campus that would have more than paid for it. I was selected as an alternate. Now I can't count on that coming through, and with working 60hrs a week during the summer I still can't pay for everything.
I now have applied for some student loans, sans a cosigner because my parents won't do it. I could ask them for the money but thats part of the reason I'm in the predicament in the first place and the reason that I'm even writing this here.
See, my parents can absolutely afford to pay for me to go to school. But when I came to school my father told me that IF I made it through the first 2 years then they would help me pay for the rest. Turns out that last year when it looked like they might have to help me, when they were going to "give" me the money for school, I was going to have to pay them back for the rest of my life. Part of it is a pride issue for me I'm sure, and I need to get over it. BUt I've gotten this far without owing them anything, I don't have to check what I do with them because they have no control over me. I don't feel resentments towards them because I don't feel like I owe them and they are in control over me. I do hold resentments because of the situation, but its one I placed myself in. I recognize that.
I guess I'm just frustrated because, lately nothing that I have planned and worked for has come together like its supposed to. Of course I should learn from the past that it has actually worked out better for me not to have what I think I need. But... good lord, if I could just catch a break that would be great.
I need to put my tools to work, but right now I'm just frustrated, angry, and scared and can't seem to get any of my program thinking to work.
Then allow me to tell you that if you were my daughter, I'd be beaming with pride. :)
In this day and age to do this on your own is not only rare, but pretty darn miraculous. Congrats!!! There's no doubt in my mind that HP is walking with you and will see you through.
Keep your chin and hopes up! I believe in you!
love, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I totally agree with Christie and think you are doing wonderful and that if I were you parent would be so so proud!!!
I am learning that everything happens for a reason and noticing that now I am greatful that some of the things I once held resentments about I am now greatful for. If that makes sence. I too once got the courage to ask my parents for help and they turned me down but in the end I was so much more proud of my accomplishments for succeding on my own.
Be proud of your self. Keep comming back. If you work it it works.
It is frustrating to feel that nothing is going your way. On a positive note the way you are standinf on your own two feet is something to be really proud of. The one thing in this life we can control is ourselves. I have never liked owing anyone anything, I have always felt it came with a price.
It sounds to me like you have earned your own wings, fly with them and be prous of yourself. Keep up the great work.
Sometimes the greatest lessons and gifts come after the biggest frustration and pain. Stick with your plan and maybe ask for help from your HP. You are probably doing better then you think you are!!!
