I'd like to thank everyone who responded to my posts this weekend, it meant a great deal to me, as it was/is a very difficult time for me.  For the longest time I believed that HP brought EXABF and I together as part of His plan for a life together for us.  I still believe that in part, but today, I prayed for HP to let me know, to send me a sign, a clear sign, if EXABF is part of His plan for me because I have finally reached the point where walking away is all I know to do now.  And I don't want to do that if it is HP's plan for us to be together, but it's gotten to the point that I can admit, maybe it isn't HP's plan, why would He after all let me endure over and over again this type of hurt?  I have decided that for now I am just going to be still and wait, and trust that I am right where I need to be, going through what I need to-even if it feels as though a part of me is dying slowly inside.  
  I realized that EXABF and I have always gotten along wonderfully as long as there was no mention of a real commitment, etc and when that came into play is when things went bad. When it was all fun and games and trips and sex and life was a party all was good.   Again yesterday, as he was self imposing pressure on himself to make the "right decisions" about which way we should go, the thought of moving forward must have been to much and he walked away again "needing to figure things out"-once more. How he ever managed to get engaged once is BEYOND me.  He believes everything should be "easy" in a relationship and not work (if he succeeds in figuring this one out and HOW to know when is the right time in life to do what not he will have single handedly wiped out the divorce rate and solved every world crisis)-What baffles me is that he can not see how ridiculous that even sounds???  He tells me last night he loves me but "that has nothing to do with it"-LMAO!  Of course not, what role does love play in a relationship anyway?  His thought process's are more than I can begin to understand and so all over the place  and I have lost the desire to try and sort it out. Maybe I've just grown numb and lost the ability to care.
 I want and need stability in my son's and my life-FACT.  EXABF does not know what he wants from day to day-FACT.  I don't trust him-FACT.  I obviously now after last night don't even feel comfortable trying to communicate with him-FACT. It's time to let go-FACT.  I'm walking away from someone I love, which is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life-FACT.  I'm going to get through this with my HP's help no matter how hard and impossible that might seem this very minute, I'm going to trust His will for me even if it hurts right now and I don't understand it,  and I am going to put 100% into focusing on me-FACT!