The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been with my A boyfriend for almost 7 years now and have 2 little boys with him and 1 teenage boy from a previous marrage. I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago titled Alone and that really hasn't changed. I'm not sure anymore if my irritated, angry and alone feelings are a result of the drinking or now because I feel there isn't much of a relationship left between us. He works second shift and I stay home with the kids, even though I'm home second shift is difficult because that time of day is the hardest and craziest, kids coming home from school, supper needs to be made and then cleaned up baths etc. I feel like I'm doing it all my self during the week and then on the weekends wich he also works at least usually 4 hrs on Sat. I feel he's not here because he is out in his shed where he can drink and not be bothered and when he does come in he doesn't help with anything. On top of that the sneaking around the house to drink pisses me off because I feel like I have another teeneager (sneaking not the drinking) and he knows I know he's doing it I told him a long time ago. I've brought up marriage 3 times just in conversation and the last time I got screamed at he said he wasn't going to be pushed into something he wasn't ready to do which would have been fine if he just said it nicely and could explain how he feels. I wrote him an email and let him know that I get it and if he would explain it to me I would know where we stand and since he has pretended the email doesn't exist, not a word. I think that was the last straw for me and any effort in this relationship. Wright or wrong I can't help how I feel. I'm just not sure how to sort all of these feelings out. Holly
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You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.
Do you read at all. You can read some of the al anon texts.
For me its taken years to sort out the kind of toxic feelings I had towards my ex A. Al anon has taught me that he had a disease, not that that lets him off but the disease for him definitely totally took over. I remind myself when I am still enraged at some thing he did (and I'm almost 2 years out of a relationship with him) thathe was ill. I empathise when I first got here all I could talk about for a long time was what he did and how angry I was. The anger is healthy, the feeling you are not getting enough is healthy. For me personally I had to be in tremendous change to push myself into al anon I did not want to learn the tools. I wanted the ex A to change. He didn't I did.
Hi Holly, Life with loved ones who are alcholics often leave us feeling bitter, angry and lonely. It often feels like we are carrying the burden of the whole load ourselves. Either they are out working, out drinking or out of their minds when they are home. So yes, alone is how it seems to be for us. I find that for myself when I start feeling bitter, angry, alone and irritated that I have been blocking my HP out of my life. It is a blessing realizing that I need HP in my life, because I focus on HP and then myself and everything else seems to be okay. Not that it is okay for my A to do those things, but they become more his business rather than mine. I've heard you say marriage. Marriage won't change anything. It won't make him love you more or act like he loves you. And it definagely won't change the fact that he is an alcholic. To start feeling things out, I would suggest getting active. Do something that you like to do, but don't anymore. That may be walking in a park, a short trip to the mall to window shop, buy magazine that you used to like to read, it could be anything. The feeling you will get for purposely doing something for yourseld, the planning the doing and the enjoyment of actually knowing that you did something for yourself will outweigh all those negative feelings towards him. And you will realize that you can get through a day and have a little bit of happiness that you deserve and not have to get it from anyone else but yourself. Good Luck, Keep Coming Back! Sincerely, Tonya
