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Just got off the phone with EXABF, and that is that. Basically I tried to talk to him about how I was feeling, and he said that I need to keep it in my mind that there is just a good a chance that he might decide it is best not to take things to the next level. That he feels alot of pressure because he hurt me before and he knows that could happen again, and he isn't sure how one decides when is the best time to involve my son or bring him into things, and that he believes in his heart that things are supposed to be easy and fall into place, etc. Basically that he ONCE AGAIN isnt sure about anything!!!!!!!!! I basically told him that my program teaches me not to project or expect and that I trust that my HP will guide me where I need to be. That in a new relationship things might be easy but this is a mixture of a past relationship that didn't end well and a newer one, etc so that I didn't think it would be 100% easy starting off. And that I didn't want him in my life unless he was sure he wanted to be there and that if he wanted me in his life he'd find a way to put me there. I just can't believe this is happening all over again-3 strikes and you are OUT my friend!!!! Funny part is that even though I am hurt, I feel a serenity in it all.....and am grateful to my HP that should He choose to let it end that it is ending this way and ending now. keep me in your prayers. shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
...making way for much better things, my friend. Clear out the deadwood to prepare for something much better, I always say (and its usually pretty much true). Sounds like you have your two feet on solid ground.
There are men out there who are unavailable (emotionally, usually) and do not know it. Lots of 'em. They do not know what they want. They do not really know who they are (although they may deny this). They just float along. He sounds like one of them. Again, if they cannot lift a finger or make any kind effort, its best to not be involved with them (if indeed you want a long term committed relationship or someone to build a life with) Sounds like this is all going down for the best, even though it may hurt. Hugs, J.
-- Edited by Jean4444 on Saturday 28th of March 2009 06:36:25 PM
reading your posts I say to myself; you seem worthy of so much more! In your last post you said your family, friends and especially your son do not like this man. Sometimes we can't see the reality of a situation because we are so blinded by emotions. Their feelings about your situation would be a red flag to me. We can also be addicted to our addict! I was blinded by my feelings for my exABF and just needed those close to me to give me a reality check, as harsh as it was. In my gut I knew this person was not good for me or my son but I kept willing it to change and lived out a fantasy life of what "it could be if he was sober" in my head. He has been out of my home for months and I still miss him. I asked my son if he missed having exABF in his life and he said "not really mom"; that's all it took for me to keep running the other way. Sometimes we can't see what is best for us until our heads clear and the program starts to work. Keep your focus on you, stay busy trying to keep your mind on other things. It does hurt but take one day at a time and things do get better.
Serious conversations with an alcoholic, for me I work at not having. They stopped growing long ago when the addictive drinking started and haven't taken the opportunity to growup or mature. A serious conversation isn't possible. I try to keep it light and with a very open mind. Often times we aren't on the same page or even in the same book on the same subject. When I keep it light and with an open mind I don't set my self up to earn a bolt of insanity.
It sounds like your new relationship had built up some momentum and you may have had the expectation it would be new and improved. Then, the crazy-making dance began again. It sounds like you don't want to dance anymore. I don't like that dance either. Makes me dizzy.
I like to think, that HP doesn't MAKE things go any which way. We all have free will. If we are connected to the underlying stillness that lies beneath the surface of all things (our HP,) we can handle anything with acceptance. That is HP at work. I see it happening in you.
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
