The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A has a drinkin buddy that just got out of jail today. And buddy has called and called "drunk of course". His buddy has no place to stay and they want him to stay here. I told them both NO and No. A got mad a storm off to go drinkin with buddy. But before he left he said that I was a cold hearted --. But I'm at the point that I don't care. I have to take care of my children and myself. Talked to a freind and told her that if they show up that they both can go to jail. She told me that I was wrong for feelin that and and that I shouldn't call the law. Don't know what to do. No, I do know what to do, if they show up call the law.
You're on the right track, goodtillitsbad is right, go with your gut. If they show up drunk you can get them with drunk and disorderly, call the police. You have to put you and your children first. Have a plan and stick to it. Lock the doors and if they show up, you know what to do.
You can't control an alcoholic and this isn't about controlling him, it's about protecting you and your children. Just remember you didn't cause it, you can't cure it and you can't control it.
This program is for us and helping us to become more healthy individuals. The focus is on you and your children now. find a face to face meeting of al-anon to get to in your area if you can. It will help you sort a lot of this out and you will find people with similar stories to yours that you can relate to.
your heart is NOT cold. Remember the thought that is popular in this program (and SOOO right on): we gotta put our OWN oxygen mask on FIRST, THEN we can help those around us to put on theirs. Take care and do what you believe is best for YOU and your kids. Hugs, J.
Welcome to the MIP family. Here you will find great experience, hope, strength, wisdom and just a touch of humor (good for the ).
You are absolutely cold hearted in this case. Recovery is about taking back your life and living the life you so richly deserve. It's about living strong. If you don't want them in your house, that is your choice. No one should judge you because of it. Stick to your guns. Hopefully you will find some face to face meetings to get to. They will be incredibly helpful. Please keep coming back to us. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <-- the cat
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
That's one of their tools of manipulation to say that you are cold hearted when really you're just being rational and making good decisions. I remember being called cold hearted so many times by my ex but funny thing my current BF who is not an A or addict has never once called me that, actually quite the opposite. I used to feel mean every time I had to say no or tell someone something they didn't like, I still struggle with that.
I spent many years trying to explain to my A's the exact nature & how, why they hurt me. Typically, they use this information against me to hurt me later or throw salt in my wounds. With my mom too, I wanted her to not only experience what she did to me but to also, be able to explain why it happened to me. Well, this can never be. I am not an A, so how or why would I think an A could ever really understand what I have gone through?
This friend that u confided in and did not understand your situation, probably will never be able to understand that you are fighting for your life w/ this new recovery. I had to stop talking to my "friends" and keep my recovery & the chaos of my A's lives to other al-anons. They undersatnd like no other b/c they too have lived in this nightmare too.
The other posts are absolutely right, this is about your home, your sanctuary with your children.
One of my fav acronyms is JADE. It means do not Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain. Once I began doing things with JADE at heart, I let go of the need to make what I was doing okay with others. I no longer need their permission to live my life as I see fit. I simply act according to what I think is best for me ~ not getting permission to live enabling an addict that is too far gone to know what is normal or healthy anymore but simply, what is best for me to thrive? It is basic self-preservation.
Hey, maybe if A does find himself talking to the police & facing going in to the "think tank" he will realize that when you say "no" u really mean it.
If you want to chat & don't have a sponsor or other al-anon friends, we do have a chat room that usually has someone in there waiting to talk.
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Cold hearted?Sounds like manipulative talk to me. You made the right decision saying NO and you'll make the right decison if they show up. Trust your own judgement.
__________________
Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
One of the greatest gifts I have received from Alanon is that I have learned that
I AM NOT WRONG TO FEEL.
I am not wrong to feel anger, hurt, dismay, concern. It is a FEELING, and it is THE WAY I FEEL. When I try to talk myself out of feeling the way I feel, I perpetuate a cycle of stuffing feelings, victimhood, and disconnection with my own self.
I am finding that I do much better when I acknowledge to myself, out loud, how I feel. "Wow - I really feel angry about this!" - or whatever it is. Somehow, saying it and claiming it out loud lessens its hold on me.
What I DO about the situation is A SEPARATE question, and you have gotten some great feedback on that. I just really want to assure you that YOUR FEELINGS are NOT WRONG. A "friend" who says that is trapped in their own unhealthy assumptions - and you don't have to go there with them.
Awesome attitude. You don't stand alone and your attitude and behavior mirror the founders of Al-Anon, Lois and Anne. I am a recovering alcoholic myself and the very best that was done for me to get me into recovery was to keep leading me into walls where I could bump my head and bleed my nose until I could say "Ouch that hurt!!" then found the way around the walls were in the rooms of recovery and with thousands of loving members willing to help me change.
To think that you don't have to remember 7 numbers to get the law there; only three and two of them are the same. Go figure. Some day he might even thank you.
Here you will find great experience, hope, strength, wisdom and just a touch of humor (good for the 
). 
