The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been going to alanon meetings which have been a great help (when I go). but I'm not actually living with activity now so I do qualify for alanon?? It's just my behaviour patterns I want to change but when I work the alanon steps they work perfectly.
Alanon is good but a lot of people go on about alcoholic spouse/friend/family member which I sometimes find hard to relate to. But then I think, there seems to be little practical difference in the steps between aca and alanon except for the focus in the meetings. I suppose doing some sort of 12 step programme is the answer and not to get too bogged down/worried about the "right" programme?? I'm not mad about the "Laundry List" in acoa. Even though I know I'm codependent, I dont want to have a list to keep reminding me of what I currently am instead of my potential in recovery..surely that focus is inherently wrong?
Do any of you have any experience of ACoA/ACA? Is it any good? I don't want to moan about the past. Maybe I'm being unfairly biased but they seem to complain and blame their parents/childhood too much/focusing on the dysfunction and problems instead of "living in the solution". If I accept my past and forgive my parents, do I need ACA then? I want to focus on one programme because I think the message is going to become muddled up in my mind with two plus.
I haven't been to a meeting; however, I went to a few CoDA meetings. ACA/CoDA aren't as established as Alanon in my area so I dont think there can be as much unity within the groups. I tend to regard my group as part of my Higher Power so for me, unity and adherence to the 12 steps and traditions within the group is essential. Although I do qualify for CoDA, I don't think my relationships are my main problem. It just seems more waffly and psycho-babbly to me. I want a practical solution. I don't particularly want to do affirmations etc.-I want the recovery itself!! And then realise how far I've come. I know acting "as if" can help but that can perpetuate my imposter syndrome, that I can just "act" ok as usual.I don't have faith in myself but I have faith in the steps!
I want to keep an open mind though so I would appreciate any feedback on either ACoA/ACA/CoDA so I know all my options..
Hope I haven't offended any ACoA/CoDA folks-just wanted to be honest. I tried googling up the difference between the meetings lol but what I want is member feedback if possible.
It seems you have expored the ACOA meetings and know about the Laundry list etc. You have made some good points as to what you would like your recovery to look like and your needs.
I have attended acoa meetings but found alanon more comfortable for me and so I have made alanon my program. As I said previously, my meetings do have many men and women in their early 20s. I always search out Step or Slogan meetings because I feel the focus of the meeting is on he tools of the program.
As CG said in his post to you, it does not matter our age or cirumstances the bottom line is that we have been affected by alcoholism and the feelings are the same.
Please keep coming back and posting. It works if you work it and YOU are worth it.
I am ACOA and I greatly prefer Al Anon over ACOA. Go to whatever suits you! The important thing is to just go! The important thing is to find a program and work it, I think. Hugs, J.
"ACA/CoDA aren't as established as Alanon in my area so I dont think there can be as much unity within the groups. " -confusedgirl22
I don't see how that would make a/any difference but if you feel or perceive any difference - is what matters - you apparently qualify for any of the meetings you like, al-anon, acoa or coda. There is a certain "flavor" to a group or even specific mtg days/times - u might prefer the thursday night group of one program & a certain meeting of another based on the chemistry of who attends ~ and that can change all the time.
It is true that the 12 steps are essentially the same... I have heard of ppl using al-anon when they grew up w/ a rage-a-holic parent. Drugs/alcohol weren't there but the emotional dysfunction was.
I use the MIP online meetings as my home group for the last 4 years. They have mtgs twice a day. I seem to have flourished & gotten more honest being truly this anonymous. It is not to say that I wouldn't benefit from a f2f group & am considering that these days.
I am ACoA and once I got the book, 12 steps for adult children, my al-anon made a lot more sense & I got deeper into sorting out my feelings - and al-anon suddenly became a lot more effective for me.
Take what you like & leave the rest. If u feel ur eing labeled or simply don't get benefit out of one group - u can determine that for yourself. Now that I do not choose to label myself (they can label me or the group all they want - I can choose not to identify with that aspect) I can be comfortable anywhere.
It has more to do with your own attitude & what u think will help you recover. I have found that things that didn't work for me in the past, can work for me today & vice versa. I just try to be open to changing, whatever that means for me.
In the meantime, I encourage you to check out a meeting here & use this Board - I have personally worked out many diverse issues right here. Good luck, be gentle with you!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
thanks for gettin back to me...its really confirmed what i already was thinking. i like alanon so im going to stick with that. the programme is simple so im not going to complicate it! i think i was getting bogged down with the different groups but if i do any step programme for adult children, i think ill be doing well! thanks again :)
