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Hi Everyone, I haven't posted here in quite a while, but I do pop in and visit pretty often. Since my last posting, my husband has been in recovery. To recap the past year of my life: AH was sober for over 15 years, relapsed for about 5 or 6 years, went to rehab in 2007 and remained sober 3 months, relapsed for 9 months, spiraled out of control, he lost his job, got abusive, put out of our house, got deathly ill and almost died in summer of 2008, went to rehab, came back home, remained sober for 3 1/2 months, relapsed for almost 2 months, spiraled even lower than he had previously, went to inpatient rehab again in Dec. and is now attending outpatient counseling plus AA every day. He appears to be working a pretty good program, he is attending classes to be an alcoholism counselor, seems grounded and has kept up with all of his responsibilities around the house, and is a sweet, loving, gentle husband, like the one I had when he was sober for 15 years. Anyway, we have a vacation home, and we usually go up there end of March to open it up for the season. A friend of mine also has one, so we planned on going this weekend together to open them up. AH is fine w/that, since he really doesn't want to go up there yet anyway (alot of socializing w/alcohol, guess he doesn't feel comfortable). I know I didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it, but AH seems to only make it 3 months or so (except for way back 20 years ago, when he remained sober for 15 years w/out a single relapse). I have this nagging feeling that when the cat's away, the mice will play, yet I know I can't and won't stay home and "babysit" him. I don't know whether it's due to his "track record" or what. I know I really can't go thru this again, his last bender really was a bad one, and it wiped me out mentally, no matter how much I tried to work my program (he is a very, very difficult drunk). Any ESH you can give me to get between now and this weekend, for me to try and not "project" or anything, I would really appreciate it. Thanks.
It sounds like he has a great program. He is staying away from the alcoholic socializing. I don't generally do things if I am going to be very anxious. How about checking in with him regularly. You can do a twitter and then he can update you to what he's doing.
Of course for me until I learned how to detach I could not do anything but obsess, grieve, resent and totally absorb the alcoholic's world.
Whatever you do, whether you go or not he may drink. Of course you have to manage how you feel. When I'm incredibly anxious I am not much company for anyone.
Maresie.
-- Edited by canadianguy on Wednesday 25th of March 2009 03:59:28 PM
I dunno.... I mean, his track record is his track record, but I guess at some point, you have to simply carry on with your life, and he will do what he will do.... From my experience, we cannot manufacture a set of circumstances to eliminate all risk of them relapsing again - far from it.... I think if he is gonna drink again, he is gonna drink again, regardless of whether or not you are home.... Thinking otherwise would almost contradict the Three C's, as you cannot "cause, cure, or control" his sobriety anymore than you could his drunkenness....
My thoughts would be for you to do what you need to do, travel if necessary, and he will either drink, or he won't....
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Hello, You recaped the last year of your life and only included what you A has done. What have you done for yourself? I think it is great that you are going away for a long weekend. You deserve it. The last time ( and on of the only times) I went away from my A for a weekend, he partied it up at my house. I tried not to let it ruin my time and I did alot of praying. I am going away to an alanon retreat this weekend...I'm looking forward to it. My hubby will drink if I am home or not home. So I just as soon LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST and ENJOY MYSELF. You should too! HAVE A BLAST! Sincerely, Tonya
I know I really can't go thru this again, his last bender really was a bad one, and it wiped me out mentally, no matter how much I tried to work my program (he is a very, very difficult drunk).
Hi Queenie,
You have been workking your program faithfully even in the most difficult circumstances. I understand the fear you are experiencing because of the past history. Please try to just live one day at a time, say the 3rd step prayer, go to the country and take your program with you. Keep your mind in the country and enjoy. Whatever is going to happen you and your HP will be able to handle.
I remember those feelings of trepidation every time. As Tom said at some point you have to get on with things. An addict is gonna do what an addict is gonna do, sober or not. There's nothing you can do about it. All you can do is turn him over to his HP and let him do the rest. He knows what he has to do. Just like you know what you have to do. Try and focus on the here and now. Live the steps just don't work them. Don't invite trouble. Try and think positive. Maybe he will be just fine. The fact that he's not comfortable going to a place where there was lots of drinking is a good sign. I wish you both well. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
