The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today one of my neighbors came up to me and revealed she is an animal lover just like me. I was really happy and my immediate response is to love bomb her with everything under the sun. Of course now I'm in recovery I don't love bomb anymore. I can't I know where that leads. I'm working hard to lead a life so I don't feel so deprived that when someone offers me a little bit of companionship I go off like a rocket. I have other friends in my life besides one neighbor next door. For years I've had nothing, existed from one crisis to the next with an A who was on a downward spiral. I want to grasp like a drowning sailor when someone offers me an olive branch but I don't because I know such behavior is inappropriate. Really I've know it was inappropriate for years but I wasn't willing to give it up. I had to endure a awful relationship with a totally destructive A to get there. I also had to be in a place where I no longer need to save, or be liked by the whole world to know who exactly I wanted to pursue a relationship with.
I don't see anything wrong with grabbing onto offers of friendship, seems they come few and far between. For me the problem is letting go when or if it becomes ugly. I'm getting better at that but I fully understand what you mean about being desperate for companionship, friendship, etc. I think it's ok to give someone a chance right off the bat as long as you know when to walk away if it becomes unhealthy.
I don't grab them I drown them in love bombing. Of course I want to know this woman but I 'm not going to do my codependent response which is to glue myself to her till she gets sick of me.
Once you recognize this "love bombing" in yourself your on your way to establishing healthy boundaries and developing healthy relationships. In the past I have tended to hold my friends too close "love bombing" or hold them at too far a distance "putting up walls".
Today I choose to do neither. I find a potential friend and find common ground on which we can become better accainted and then I proceed respectfully from there. Respectful of her boundaries and mine.
Thanks for sharing your growth. Your working a fine program. Java
