The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So now i have finally left my situation with my ex b/f. I have moved out of state and now in Fl, I am finding i am less stressed but also once again had to leave a job, insurance and alot of material things. I am angry resentful and hurt that i have spent 8 yrs with this person, through prison, treatments, detox etc etc...I am so hurt that i was always there for him and not bad enough with the drinking, but then he had to start smoking crack..I decided to finally leave as the police had my (his) house surrounded with guns drawn, b/c of a report that i was being held there at knifepoint, which actually was something that happened 2 nights before when we were arguing and i said something and he went to get a knife and pushed me to a wall and started stabbing the wall next to me, saying if i called a man to beat up on him like he picked and verbally abused me he would do this to them>>>that was the last and finale thing for me to know i had to get away, he said he was sorry and pleses another chance! heard that one so many times, said he only smoked crack a couple times, but i think he had been doing it awhile, i just thought it was the alcohol i guess, thinkinking about things and when he would get angry and the look in his eyes..i believe it was happening and i didn't know it. So now i am left with nothing but anger and hurt. His siter emailed me to tell me he sounds high and some woman was there!!! guess that hurts too. who knows what was going on when i worked? all the questions..he is having parties, the tenants above are moving to. i feel as though he didn't even need to take time to get over an 8 yr realationship with me and it seems as though i was not that important. I know i am going on and on and none of this should matter but it does and it hurts me that i have invested so much of my life with this person..I know i should be just happy i am gone, but picking up the pieces i am finding very hard to do..starting all over and getting on with my life i feel is impossible and will be difficult for me. i need to just forget i know..I have not found any meetings close to were i am and my car is still in WI, so transportation is also an isseu. if anyone out there knows of meetings in Ft Myers Fl let me know. I am sorry this was long and that nobody can really help. but just venting and getting out feelings has helped so thank you for letting me do this. Mary
Hey Maryam, I had to get out quick and leave everything I owned behind. I lost everything (again!) to this disease. All I can tell you is that I know what that anger and frustration and pain is like. We just have to work through it. I just want you to know that somehow, someday, you will see how its all for the best and in a way, its a totally clean break. You are going to be just fine- but its SO not easy. Its extremely painful.
Please try not to be too hard on yourself. You did the very best you could do with what you had to work with at the time. Now its time to make the next right choice. And you will make the next right choice- believe in yourself even though I know how hard that is right now.
Some of us need to do a geographic in order to make the crooked straight again...I know exactly what that is like and about, ESPECIALLY when domestic violence is part of the picture. I had the wall right next to my head punched in and smashed numerous times. It took a physical blow to my actual head to make me go. Abuse does escalate, it does not just go away or stop. You made the right decision, one that was absolutely necessary, now its all in HP's hands to lead you and guide you to a better new life. Trust in that because its the real truth, I promise you. A new life. Hugs, J.
I am so glad you have come back and given us an update. I know how painful your situation was and that processing this loss is as painful as well.
I lived in the Ft Meyers area for a time many years and attended meeting there. I know you do not have a car, so I copied the web address for that area and hope you can find a meeting close to where you are staying.
The address is:http://www.southfloridaal-anon.org/150meetings.html
It is important to share and be with people who understand. If these meeting do not work for you, please keep coming back here. Attend the online metings held here daily and keep posting.
do you have to talk to his sister. The less you know about what he is doing the better. I was really stuck on the ex A full of anger, pain and guilt. I cut off all contact. I remain cut off. I no longer wonder, interpret, project what he's doing. I don't know.
The program can really help you. Go to meetings, get to know people, get out as much as possible. Make a new life for yourself (easier said than done I know).
