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The psychologist that I have seen for quite awhile ended our last session with this statement: "There's a fine line between a codependent and a masochist." He tends to end our sessions with some food for thought. He knows I'm a deep thinker.
Any thoughts?
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Well.... I guess the "Pleasure to be abused" the Masochist, could some how be the same as being a Codependant, or at least it could seem that way...
Personally, I don't think that "Myself" the Codependant, I never found "Pleasure" in being such a person, but I never knew any other way! My "Pleasure" was always put on the back burner because I was ALWAYS trying to please others...My Pleasure was not part of the picture, I did it because growing up in an alcoholic home, I was taught that I really didn't matter, what mattered was that I Survived...
I can see tho how some would be one in the same, but for me, myself I don't see it:) I am slowly getting back "ME", and I had lost me for a long time... This program is great... The people are caring, loving, and sharing... What a great place to be in my life...
Thanks for your share... And the deeper thoughts... Most Enjoyed Keep Coming Back... :) Friends In Recovery Jozie
A codependent, a term made popular by 12 step program, is one who perpetuates the actions of another in a way that hampers the other's recovery. A masochist receives pleasure from ill-treatment by another. I see a lot of masochism here, so I believe the psychologist to be correct.
I am of the opinion that psychology, psychaitry and the like are an expensive waste of time. So the fact that I agree with one is amazing.
Perhaps, unlike you, I am a superficial thinker.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I believe that my A drank until the benefit he received from drinking was outweighed by the pain it caused to HIM.
I tend to believe that I stayed in the relationship and tried to control the situtation until whatever benefit I received from it (either in the relationship or in the controlling) was outweighed by the pain it caused to ME. That may fall under the umbrella definition of masochism--don't know and honestly, I don't really think it matters except as it relates to your own, individual situation.
I coupled my recovery in Al-Anon with counseling and it worked for me--much to my surprise because, like Diva, I never really put much stock in it.
And don't let Diva fool you, she is NOT a superficial thinker!!
Yours in Recovery,
SLS
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
I never got any TOOLS for changing my situation when I went to counseling, and I had spent thousands trying it. I still shake my head at the idea that the greatest help would eventually come from regular meetings at the church and would be FREE.
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Sometimes its all about boundaries. I think its also about learning how to relate better.
Boundaries were pretty difficult for me. I know for me it was also about patterns. The more I became conscious how certain things mirrored my childhood the better I was at stepping out of it.
A Codependent by way of their behaviour invites pain, does NOT enjoy it but continues to invite it. A Masochist invites pain, enjoys it and continues to invite it by way of their behaviour.
I think that lots of people "get off" on making drama in their lives. The "high" of that can and is addictive- its literally a chemical thing that happens when we fight, laugh alot, cry alot, scream alot, get all bent out of shape over this or that, etc. So, in a way a codependent or masochist- what does it matter? Both are getting off on the high.
Lots of people are totally unaware that they are getting off on it though. But they continue to generate/actively participate in situations in which it happens and conduct themselves behaviorally that makes it happen over and over again.
So, the question is: whats in it for you (me)?
For me, it was GREAT to not have to pay attention to myself and blame everyone around me for all the crap that was going on! I got to remain a child and not grow up. I got all sorts of pity and attention and LOTS of rescuing! I did not have to move on in my life, I got to stay stuck so I did not need to rise to any occasion, take on any kind of real responsibility for myself on any level. I got to remain infantile. Everyone ran around and took care of me. So much POOR JEAN.
Grrrrr...I'm with Glad Lee on this one. Psycologists with sayings or hints or remarks about the clients conditions. When my counselor (just another man with a different job) use to make (not for long) those kinds of remarks I use to ask him..."what do you mean by that?" and then wait for an answer.
Before the word "Co-dependency" found it's way into Al-Anon we use to use the term enabling almost extensively. Co-dependency is a psyche model counseling term that became ciche when members of the AFG who were also going to counseling brought the word into the meetings. Melody Beattie is the face and name most aligned with that word. She wrote and sold many informative books that included that title and language. Masocism suggest that the masochist likes or loves the disabling condition. I don't believe that a masochist would like the spiritual based, 12 X 12, Social model recovery program of either Al-Anon or AA as learning how to heal from enabling behaviors would interfere with the enjoyment...LOL
I've healed better, got stronger, learned to turn enabling into helping, got a power greater that my psycologist/psychiatrist and their drugs, stayed longer (30+ and counting) and outside of contributions, for free.
If you're paying by the hour you get to ask questions (by the way it's not usually an whole hour...a billable hour is usually 45 minutes). Am I working up a resent- ment here? LOL. Question....So how do you see what side of the line I am standing on? Either way he answered I got to ask another question after that like can you explain that? Grrrrr.
I'm sticking with Glad Lee. (((((Keep coming back)))))
