The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am amazed by all of you and in myself, that we can get up every morning & do the things we must, take care of our families, hold jobs and run our homes. We go through our day to day duties, if people could just see inside our minds and our hearts.
I am around my friends and co-workers that take such joy in looking forward to things in their lives, like vacations trips, grandchildren, & other interest. For them it is the most natural thing to look forward, but for me it is the most unnatural thing to do, because I am always focused on my addicted son, and looking back at better times. He always comes to my mind, some memory of him as a small child when his future seemed so bright. Love and laughter was in our house then, now stress and depression.
I will keep trying to work the steps, it is the only power I have, the rest belongs to my son and the HP that knows every hair on his head.
I can relate. I haven't seen myself look forward to family things in a while that include my bf. My heart is broken and I still keep it together. It does get tough but somehow we make it. I try not to focus on my bf and our relationship which I can't even call it that nowdays. I do my best to take care of me and my child. I do have dreams but they seem to be just that - dreams.
Hot rod has the idea- the trick is not really thinking too far ahead at all.
Lots of times, that is all people can talk about with each other- family plans. Its kind of like the weather. I was at the dentists office recently and the woman who cleans my teeth (I just moved and this is a new dentist for me- just going for my check-up) just stopped talking to me when I told her I did not have any children (I am 46 and everyone assumes I have a bunch of kids somewhere)- it was like she did not have anything in common with me anymore, etc. Its odd but its not my problem, I am just saying that this is all people can talk about sometimes- its like a mindless verbalizing like going on and on about the weather. I just brush it off and assume its just this zombie-talk that alot of people jabber on about, you know?
The good people, the ones who know and love you and see you and feel for you, they are the ones that matter. The ones who "know".
I don't do family stuff either but I can quickly and easily adopt families and I am often adopted into families through my al-anon group. just last weekend I went to a friends farm and had a really great "family style" day out there with a bunch of total strangers! So, you never know. I have been included in family events and things with people who are not technically my family via blood. I have always kept the definition of family open for myself and its served me well. I have "brothers" and "sisters" all over the world and I love it. I also happen to love my blood sister, too. But she also has dear friends that she would consider sisters and brothers, too.
Take care and go out and find your al-anon family. Its often waaay better than a blood one! Hugs, J.
I am sorry that you are having such down thoughts, I know that there are days when I can't shake them myself, on those days, I need to be in the "This Moment" not the next of the last one... For me just reading a good book will take me away long enough for me to bring the focus back around to me...
My past (like everyone elses here) is just that... It is left back there along with the 'Cob Webs' in my closet that I can't reach... My Afather, was a women beater, womeniser, guilt riden man... To me he was everything, never harmed a hair on my head, but tore my heart in too pieces many times, with how he treated my mother, and my step mother(s)... I could very well focus on those things, but ya know, I can no longer even put my eyes on my father anymore of then in pictures for he is GONE... I have an Abrother that is choosen that path as well, ALL the same traits, ALL the same Actions, and I use to think I could save him as well...
Well I now no from the help of Al-anon, that I can't.... If he chooses to lay down and die with the bottle in his hands, there is truly NOTHING I can do about it...But when I see him, I wrap my arms around him, Tell him I love him, and if there is ONE THING Possitive that I heard he did, or One Good thought that I had/have about him at the time, I make sure I share that with him... He gets reminded "Daily" about his disease, and his wrong doings, and all his failures, because of the People he lives with and my "Overprotective" mother...But I have noticed that even after ALL he has done to me!!! PERSONALLY... I can see the change in his eyes when he sees ... I am not there to remind him of his wrongs, but support him in his RIGHTS!!!! Its not easy... But he is slowly growing up thru my eyes... :)
Take what you like and leave the rest... Possitive Days only come from Possitive thoughts... Start there and see where you end up for that ONE DAY AT A TIME:)
As I was reading your post I thought "Did I write this"??? Sounds just like my story of the past 3 weeks; well really the past 5 years with my AD.
The reason I said the past 3 weeks is because that is how long the latest drama has been going on. She was staying from place to place; her husband has filed for divorce. He is also an alcholic(in denial). Anyway, long story short, I finally got the back bone to tell her that she cannot and will not come to our house.
She is supposed to go into rehab on Thursday morning. She is so angry with me, she would not even come to the phone. I do not care if she stays angry with me the rest of her life, if she gets well and stays well.
Thank God I am retired and do not have to worry about dragging myself to work everyday. You will be in my thoughs and prayers.
__________________
Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
One of the most powerful things I learned in the program was that I was responsible for my happiness and sadness and that nothing outside of me had the power to control me unless I gave it permission and then participated.
I could and can change anything about me I don't like, at anytime, without anyone's permission or applause. I am responsible for what I think and how I think about it. I get to choose how I perceive the picture of life. I am wholely grateful for all of the other recovering people in my life who help me to look at the picture and offer different perspectives and all who choose peace of mind and serenity over confusion and unrest. That is one of the reasons I am a lifetime member of the AFG and MIP.
