acceptance - Al-Anon Family Group

Tracy · ~*Service Worker*~

acceptance

Jean4444 · ~*Service Worker*~

Yes Tracy, I remember this day that was similar to what you describe.

My favorite AA pamphlet begins with these golden words: "ACCEPTANCE IS THE ANSWER TO ALL MY PROBLEMS TODAY...

You hit the nail on the head! Now you have choices and you are making them to take care of YOU. I found I could not stay with my abusive A exH BECAUSE of my ACOA background and childhood. My background specifically "qualified" me to NOT participate in that kind of relationship- it simply tore me up and broke me down so I needed to step up and make some very painful choices but they were the best for ME. I could no longer live that way, I would have been dead or in prison by now if I had stayed, I know it. It was simply that toxic like a fish trying to live on land. I simply could not do it anymore.

You are working the program and I am cheering for you. I know it will not be easy and it will be very painful but its a new direction and as they say: "nothing changes if nothing changes" and you are making a change...take care and good luck and I will be keeping you in my very best thoughts and prayers this day. Hugs, J.

clara · Senior Member

Tracey, you will certainly be in my prayers. I hate it when people say "I know what you are going through", but I have to say it myself today.

I will call my daughter this morning and tell her she cannot come to my house, as she had planned. Her drinking is out of control and she also has severe mental issues. I will call her before I go to church and then I will pray, pray, pray for God to give me wisdom and courage. I will include you in my prayers.

Now back to you; This is heart breaking for you. You must be strong(easy for me to say) and firm. And you are right. He will manipulate you. They seem to have that down to pefection.

Be strong and let me know how you are doing. We are all in this together and there is strength in numbers.

shellyj123 · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Tracy)))))
It sounds to me like you are doing well, and really working your program. And I am soooo greatful that you posted this here today as I needed your ESH as well. Funny how my God always sends me to the right place at the right time.

If you follow my posts you will know that this weekend I had the big Spring date with my EXABF. It was really nice. But I learned one thing from it and I would imagine you will too when you go to meet your Ex.....this program changes us, and our thought process and makes us sooooooo much stronger than we ever thought we were back when we were fighting their addictions. You too, are that strong now, and you have a tool box full of help and a family here that will go with you.

One of the ladies posted to me that if I felt at all uncomfortable or nerveous to put my arm at my side and squeeze my hand as tight as I could and when I did that to remind myself that that was this group holding my hand and right there with me. I thought it insane at the time I read it but I've been insane for so long I'd stand on my head in the corner probally if it was suggested. I did it during dinner when EXABF kept staring at me, I asked him what he was looking at me like that for and he said it was the last time this evening that he would be able to stare at me face to face. I was really uncomfortable, because I have never thought I was worth staring at number one. I put my hand at my side and squeezed like heck-lol, of course I burst into a huge grin when I did it, and got busted by him, but IT WORKED!!

Please take care of you Tracy....You matter and learning to love ourselves is HUGE! Be proud of how far you have come and remember you are stronger now, we aren't as easily manipulated after AlAnon:)

Keeping you in my thoughts...
Shelly

Tenderheartsks · ~*Service Worker*~

I like what Jean444 quoted, and that has proven to be true for me time and time again.

I could make no real progress in my life until I came to accept that I continued to try and fix my own broken-ness through relationships with men who were broken themselves.

The end result was not only did my daughters suffer, but it dragged on enough that a granddaughter suffered too.

I finally said enough was enough when the ex-fiance walked out and I realized I had once again repeated the same insanity, only wrapped in a different 'package' (another broken man).

It took a long time to forgive myself for not seeing it sooner, but today I realize it took every single painful moment I lived for me to get to where I am today.

I am so glad I no longer have to look to outside sources for validation or love.

-- Edited by Tenderheartsks on Sunday 22nd of March 2009 10:58:15 AM

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