The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My birthday is coming up in 2 months and coincides with the possible end of my tenure with a wondeful intern for counselling who I have had a lot of success with. My normal approach to birthdays is to bury my head and try not to deal with it. I know how far I got doing that at Christmas. I have also, like many codependents tried to rely on others to help me through the day, that doesn't seem to go well for me either.
My current thinking is to try to have specific goals to work towards to hold up for that day. I'd also like to try to go out to eat a nice meal somewhere not necessarily to be with anyone else (since I don't want to count on anyone).
Most of all I'd just like to have a nice day but I'm not sure how to. I can get disappointed very easily. So I want to keep my expectations reasonable but at the same time acknowledge the day. I am taking care of myself on a daily basis but special occasions really throw me for a loop. I think the goals right now is the only way to go. In theory I could work to arrange to see my therapist on the day and work on the issue with him that might be the only way not to feel let down by someone else. I could also in theory arrange a picnic in the park with my dogs and celebrate with them as they can't cancel!
I'm so glad I'm not alone. All day, I have been worried about where I'm going to live when the house sells or if it goes into foreclosure. All the while the sun is sooo bright AND just for today, I have a 3000 sq.ft. house to live in. I see that now, thank you.
I just celebrated my birthday this week, it was the best birthday ever. The only plan I had was similar to yours, I wanted to go to the park. (To me, the park is like heaven on earth, my HP meets me there every time.) Well, as it often happens, I planned my day and HP rearranged it. It was a busy day until the very end, midnight. When I pulled my car into the garage, I stepped outside to look at the millions of stars in the perfectly clear sky. I was in complete awe. I felt so peaceful and calm, like HP was showing me that all is well.
I could never have planned a day so perfect! (I'm so grateful to be sharing this with you, because I have been feeling so negative today and these thoughts are making me feel blessed all over again!) And all I am doing is thinking my happiest thoughts.
My sponsor likes to say that EVERY day is our Birthday. EVERY day is Christmas. Interesting concept. Takes a little pressure off that one single day. Maybe you could celebrate your birthday right now. What would you do?
I strongly suggest you spread it out over a week, because one day is just not enough!!
Love, gladlee
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
My favorite way to spend my birthday is to go buy a big cake and take it to an al-anon meeting! They are always glad to celebrate my birthday with me and we always have a nice time. Never a let down! Hugs, J.
Well first of all, I try to make everyday a special occasion. I know that sounds hokey, but after Tim's sudden passing I've really tried to keep that mentality. Life is fleeting so we must find ways to enjoy it even the unextradordinary days.
As for special occasions, my anniversary is around the corner (it coinsides with Pipers birthday) and I know that will be bittersweet. So I will take the day and focus on Pipers. What does one get the cat that has everything?
Then the birthday comes up. Long before Tim and I got back together I was pretty use to spending it alone. I have always done something extra special for me. It doesn't have to be extravagant. Just something for me, like maybe eating an extra indulgent treat that I normally wouldn't. Or maybe I'll sleep in until 8am (providing Pipers lets me! lol) or just do nothing at all.
The other way I celebrate my birthday goes back to something my mother taught me when we were kids. Yes we had our celebrations, but we also took the time to practice random acts of kindness. We would go down to the soup kitchen and help out for a few hours. We would donate our used clothing. We would go to the park and pick up garbage. Anything that reminded us to give back and where we could be if circmstances were different. She wanted us to appreciate what we had. So this year I may do that. We have to celebrate ourselves and all we've become. I think that's the best gift we can give ourselves. Practice lots of self-love all the time. Much love and blessings to you.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Or maybe I'll sleep in until 8am (providing Pipers lets me! lol) or just do nothing at all. 