The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
And thanks to Al Anon I'm learning to live with this. I can only control MY actions and decisions.
I'm new here and just wanted to share this thought.
My AH is in rehab (first time) and just called me last night saying he's going to be coming home soon(can be there up to 90 days - it's only been 17 days since he started) due to his 'special' circumstances (WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?) anyway.. all I want to do is call the clinic and talk to his case counselor and explain I KNOW he's not ready etc. BUT I HAVE to realize I can't control him or his decisions. He went there on his own, he'll leave on his own. I've just got to focus on me our baby that's due in July. Please send me some positive vibes and any tips you have! Thanks for reading.
Goodtillitsbad, great attitude! You have your program and he has his. It is not always easy to let them live their life, but with alanon we can live ours. Remember you are number one and number two with a baby on the way.....:) Congrats! Stay strong in alanon and know that no matter what he decides, you will be ok :)
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What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself. Hecato, Greek philosopher
I know the first time my ex AH went to treatment he checked himself out after a week proclaiming he was cured... that was hardly the case. If you keep the focus on you and the baby and let his chips fall where they may you may keep your sanity. I feel for you, this is a hard road and a new baby is going to make it all that more important that you keep your senses about you. It was my saving grace that I was working and am very thrifty so I have been able to support three kids on my own and not had to be reliant on his income. I don't know your situation but I hope that you are working toward being self sufficient and not depending on him to do his part in order for you and the baby to survive.
Thank you inhisarms and Carolinagirl - Even just reading your responses have helped me. I have a good job, I work hard and can take care of myself and the baby if need be. He knows this and I think it scares him. I've always been independent and enjoy my life, family and friends ... and will continue to, with/without him - when/if it comes to that point.
You seem to be way further ahead in your acceptance of the program than I was at that point.... I struggled to give up that fallacy that I had "some control" over her sobriety....
I spent about five years persuading (begging, crying, threatening, etc) my AW to go to Rehab - she finally relented..... FOR ME.... I was soooo happy, soooo believing that all the muck was going to finally be behind us, etc..... It was a 28-day program, she did the whole thing, and was drinking 11 days later.... I was devastated, and the next two years were "even worse" than the previous five.... Then, an amazing thing happened.... she finally hit her bottom, and chose recovery.... FOR HER. She went to a way more rigid facility, stayed for 53 days, and has been sober ever since. (over six years now).
Our marriage didn't survive, but she did, and she found sobriety HER way.
Go figure...
Thanks for sharing, and hope it all goes well...
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Getting them Sober has some great great advice on what to do when someone is in detox. That is to keep your expectations really low and focus on taking care of yourself. Of course all that is very difficult for a codependent.
The ex A I was with never even though tof sobriety for one second. So for me someone who is "trying" is a step up from him.
Al anon is a great great resource. The more you can use it the better.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your soon to be born baby.
I too am new to this program and trying to learn to be strong. Just remember: You did not cause this , you cannot control it and you cannot cure it. I will also try to remember those wise words too.
I am dealing with my daughter, 37 years old and an alcholic. Keep coming back here; this place has been a life saver for me. I wil be thinking about you.
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Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
Thank you for your post, My A Hubby is going to rehab tomorrow morning. We are both relieved. The arguing has stopped and I can see the tunnel right now. I'm keeping my expectations low, and I am SO ready to focus on me for a little while. Good Luck! Sincerely, Tonya
