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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Another scarey uncertain day
Post Info TOPIC: Another scarey uncertain day
clara


Senior Member

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Another scarey uncertain day
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AD was supposed to come to my house yesterday until her apartment was ready.  Well, as it turns out, there still is no apartment.  She may go stay with her sister in law instead, but that will not be available until about 10 days.

Daughter did not show up; claims a migraine headache.  So, anyway, here we sit, waiting for the coming tornado that is sure to hit our house when she arrives.  Last time she was here(about 5 weeks ago) was pure horror. 

If I looked at her, it was judgemental; if I did not look at her, I am ashamed of her.  Once she was ranting and ranting and I was just sitting there hoping she would soon loose her steam.  She looked at me and said "What's wrong with your mouth; did it stop working".  When I would be on the phone with my friends, she said "I was yucking it up with my friends while her heart was breaking".  If I go to my room to read, she crawls in the bed with me and says she needs a hug.  If I come into the computer room, she comes in here with me to see what I am doing.  Oh, and she was sneaking booze too.

I know I need to set boundaries but right now she is so fragile, I am scared to be to harsh.  Her husband filed for divorce this week and she is a total mess. 

I will go to my face to face Al-Anon meeting today.  I just wanted to get this off my chest.  Sometimes, I am to shy to speak up at the meetings, so this place is perfect for me.

__________________

Clara

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What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!! 
inhisarms


Veteran Member

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Clara, sounds like your daughter is in a tough spot in her life. As hard as it is if she has to deal with her own consequences she might see the bottom and seek help. The only way that i could show love to my ABF is seperate him into 2 people.  One the BF that i love and care about, the other the ABF that i want no part of.  As a mom you are in a tough spot because im sure your heart is breaking for her, her divorce and the after effects it will cause.  Love her as her mom, release her as your AD.  Difficult to doi know, but detatch with love, but you dont have to stop loving her  :) 

Have a great meeting today and try to live in the day, we can not change what has already happened, nor predict what tomorrow will hold....Right now is all we have to work with.....and right now you have the knowledge that your HP is in control....


HUGS

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What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself.
Hecato, Greek philosopher
Christy


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3223
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I got this in a daily e-mail today from Neale Donald Walsch, the author of "Conversations with God".

This Moment is all that counts, This Moment is all

that matters. Dwelling on anything else is pointless.

 

Yesterday is gone, if not forgotten, and tomorrow is

not yet here, so why waste precious time and mental

energy focused on either?

 

What is going on right now? That is the question. And

what can you do Right Now to make Now better? Make

each Now better and the future will take care of itself,

while the past will not matter.

 

~Neale Donald Walsch~




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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them.  And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
maresie


~*Service Worker*~

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whatever you do get the book Getting them Sober!

Go to Al anon.  Don't under any circumstances show your daugher this page keep some things for yourself. Keep the fact you talk about her to yourself, don't share with her that you have discussed her issues with others. 

Lean on this board as much as you can.  Go out of the house and don't tell her where you are or where you will be and turn off your cell phone while you are out. Your daughter has made it this far she can make it without you being on call 24/7.

Boundaries are not harsh they are survival for you. If you don't have them you will burn out in resentment, rage and fatigue. 

Maresie.

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maresie
clara


Senior Member

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Posts: 188
Date:
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Thanks everyone for your reply, 
I went to my Al-Non meeting and just came in from that.  The meeting was probably the best thing I could have done for myself today.  They gave the me the courage to do what I must do and that is to be strong and not allow her to live with us.  She would cause too much drama.

Her husband phoned me this morning.  He has her in a hotel room in the town which they live in.  He found out she did not spend the night alone.  That was the line in the sand for me.  I do not know how I could look her in the eye after this.  
She has  reached the bottom of the gutter as far as I am concerned.  I shudder to think about it.  I did not raise her this way.
Thanks for all your support.  Trying to be strong.  



__________________

Clara

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What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!! 
Karilynn


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3656
Date:
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(((Clara)))),

You did well.  Sometimes getting ourselves to our meetings is the best thing we can do.  There are times when I think I'm far too tired to get to a meeting and I drag myself there.  I come away always feeling much better.  I wish the best in setting your boundaries.   I know hard it can be.  Much love and blessings to you and your family.

Live strong,
Kairlynn & Pipers Kitty aww

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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
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