The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
just need to get things off my chest im tryin not to be angry but that is the way it has been here for the last few days A is drinkin more and more everyday he is blamin me for everything when he gets to tha point of drunkness and im tryin to maintain and not get in an agurment with him i dont like the way i feel when i fall into his game of blame im tryin to understand that he is sick but sometimes i think it is all an excuse for him to drink he says that it is his dads fault because dad gave him his first drink at 9 and a is been drinkin every since im tried of tryin to take care of everyday things that need to be done and he just sits and drinks he cant work because he broke both of his feet but he is doin nothin but gettin drunk, he is mad because i will not pay his beer and his friends do the question is what am i tryin to do?????
I recognize the painful place you are in. You are merely trying to survive in an insane situation. You need support and understanding from people who have been there and can offer you tools that will enable you to live your life in serenity and peace.
Good News you are in the right place. Welcome You are no longer alone.
Please keep posting and reading the board. When you are ready please look up alanon in your local white pages. Cal and find meetings in your area. Please attend and listen and learn
Try getting into the closest, first face to face Al-Anon meeting you can. There is a chair already waiting for you if you have not found it yet. The hotline number for Al-Anon is in the white pages of your telephone book. Go find it and find when the next group gets together. Then try getting some of the literature on the disease of alcoholism and you....most of it can be free...some are daily readers and such and will cost but not your sanity...which is what you're paying now as a participant in the disease of alcoholism. You can get your sanity and more back in the room.
I just wanted to Welcome you to the MIP family...You are at the right place... I would have to agree that a F2F meeting will be the best thing for you..At least there you will have the support you need to deal with your A... We are here for you...
Take it one Day at a Time, and keep coming back... Jozie...
I'm not sure how long you've been in your situation with your A or if this is ur first experience with alcoholism/addiction or not but your last question, "what am I trying to do?" is an excellent one, that no one but you can answer. Asking it now & gettting in touch with YOU now will save you a lot of pain in the future, as this is a family disease that gets progressively worse. In fact when I came back to Al-Anon 4 yrs ago, I believe I was much more insane after 37 years of living with others who are full blown addicts &/or codependents & enablers.
I grew up in this disease (ACoA - adult child of alcoholic/addict) like apparently ur A did. Not all ACoA's turn out to be A's but we learn the insanity just the same. I too was given alcohol in grammar school (2nd grade, age 7 - New years' Eve) & got drunk. It was simply a part of life.
A's are in denial there is any problem whatsoever. I've sat in open AA/NA mtgs to learn from other addicts & hear what it is like for them - of course the stories are all relative - but some people lose nearly everything in their lives & still don't identify that they have a problem. Also, I can tell you, my A's dont understand why I come to al-anon. If anything they try to say I have the problem b/c it is an issue for me. Well, that is true... a lot of the dynamics, dysfunction, life issues are a problem but i can't force my parents (or anyone else for that matter) to change. The only thing I can change is myself. I have learned to have some emotional detachment from my A's, so if they are having a bad day or foul mood, it no longer becomes my mood to ruin my day. A's feed off of our emotional state, so they will try to manipulate us into guilt, anger or anxiety to give them an excuse to use.
Good for you for not buying ur A booze, sounds like you have a healthy boundary there & ur not directly enabling. We indirectly enable when we fall into those "blaming arguments".
When u get to a f2f mtg, pick up all the pamphlets u can find - the beginner's packet is a great place to start. (In the mean time, I'm giving u a link to an awesome pamphlet that talks about this emotional manipulation, it is very helpful). The more u can learn about the disease, u will be able to see that u can get back to YOU. Learn to focus on you & detach from what ur A is or is not doing, u can get ur life & sanity back.
Keep asking yourself, what do u want & what are u doing. It is your life! Welcome to the site/MIP. We also have a chat room with 24/7 chat & 2 daily mtgs online. Take care of YOU ~ if u don't, who will?
Meeting schedule: Monday-Friday...9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10am, 9pm EST(newcomers)and 9pm EST, Sunday: 10am and 7pm EST. _____ UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Surviving is worth it! The ex A I was with for 7 years once broke his foot. Of course he collapsed in self pity. Whenver I had anything wrong he minimized it to non existence. I was hospitalized twice when I lived with him, when he was hospitalized he expected me to take care of him when he got home and I did. When I came home, I got zero!
Self centeredness is part of their disease. Read everything you can on alcoholism. One great writer is Toby Rice Drew (you can google this) and read all the books in the series Getting them Sober.
Go to the chat room here and keep posting and keep reading everything you can lay your hands on about al anon. Try to work on the tools and the steps as much as possible.
