Rock Bottom???? - Al-Anon Family Group

mairmair09 · Newbie

Rock Bottom????

lisdeanne · Newbie

my husbands bottom was getting fired from a job, filing bankruptcy and getting a DWI and almost losing his family. I got tired of all the crap that was associated with my A so I told him I was taking the kids and leaving.

I did an intervention with the help of his brother. My A quit for awhile then he started back in a few months and it was worse.

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

Everyone's rock bottom is different. For some it is as far down as death. What we think should be bottom is meaningless. Like these people you hear of that finally kill someone while driving that have had a dozen previous DUI's. The only reason they stop is because they are in jail. If it weren't for jail, some would continue drinking even after such a tragedy.
Answering that question is like trying to answer "How high is up?"

exhausted_imp · Member

Christy's right on the money there. Everyone is different when it comes to hitting bottom. For years I was waiting for my A to hit bottom so he'd finally get help but I should have been paying attention more to where my bottom was! I was such a typical codie putting the focus on him when I should have been putting it on myself. Trying to guess when another person's going to hit bottom is a losing game I've found in my own experiences.

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Only your husb knows when he hits his bottom . Whats more important is when do u hit yours ? hopfully you are going to f2f meetings for yourself , u need support from people who have been where your at , you will find them in Al-Anon rooms .
there is aline in our literature that says INSTEAD OF WAITING FOR THEM TO HIT BOTTOM = START LOOKING FOR YOUR TOP. Louise

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Mairmair...
http://jama.ama-assn.org/cgi/content/abstract/268/8/1012 is a link that will offer
you a definition of the disease of alcoholism. It might be helpful. When I got into
program a while back, we use to read the definition of the disease of alcoholism at
the start of all meetings which was soooo helpful to my understanding and helped
me to not set up expectations for my alcoholic or think that I had any rational grasp
of the disease at anytime. "Cunning, Powerful and Baffling" is still the best
description of the disease for me today and like Christy mentioned...death...often times is
becomes the bottom. Many times the bottom is clinical, chemically induced insanity
sometimes known as "wet brain".

Since one of the characteristics of the disease is that it is compulsive and the
chance of relapse real especially without an excellent therapy program (AA is the
most highly regarded) "bottoms" can often be numerous or progressive. I have
met and often attend meetings with recovering alcoholic with long term sobriety
which is much more than just being dry. I have 30+ years being alcohol free while
still experiencing the compulsion more than I'd like. My bottom came when I no
longer wanted to die crazy. I wasn't even thinking about living...just not dying
crazy.

From sitting in recovery meetings for as long as I have I have heard thousands of
different stories regarding "hitting a bottom"...generally it means that the drinker
no longer wants to live the way they have been living and will do whatever is
required to not drink for another day. All we have is a day.

(((((hugs))))) smile

Jean4444 · ~*Service Worker*~

my bottom was being insane enough to think that if I murdered my A and spent the rest of my life in prison, that would a good solution to my alcoholic marriage/life w/ an A. Instead (by the GRACE of GOD/HP), I got away (he was abusive), got divorced and went to grad school (MUCH better choice). Today, I focus on MY bottom and my behaviors. I focus on taking care of ME. That is all I can manage (and only then when I pass most off to HP). hugs, J.

Sincerely · Senior Member

I don't know about my A's rock bottom. But mine is right now. Mine is each time that I feel like there is nothing left in our 10 year marriage worth staying for. For me, when I hit my rock bottom, I normally get very much closer to my HP. So for me, NOW, the rock isn't so hard.

Good Luck!

serendipity · ~*Service Worker*~

MY bottom was driving like a manic with the kids in the car, chasing the woman who was having an affair with my A. She called the cops on ME, and I was pulled over. Did I mention I had my baby, 4 year old, and 8 year old in the car with me? And no, I was NOT on drugs. I was simply insane. And there were many more incidents that led me to my bottom.

Thank God I hit that bottom, because that is when alanon really started making sense to me. Before that, I listened and argued with much of what I was hearing. I looked insane, I acted insane....I was insane.

I would ask my A after every binge if he was done yet....and he would look at me with distain and say "no". Every A's bottom is different. Sometimes an A believes they hit their bottom only to find out they DO have one more drunk in them. May even be after years and years in recovery. Some times an A hits a bottom and doesn't even recognize it as their bottom.

None of that really matters. All that matters is you and knowing you have choices.

Jozie · ~*Service Worker*~

Mair....

No one can say what another ones bottom is... I know with my Afather it was his death, i fear alot that my Abrother will have the same fate because HE CHOOSES TOO...Thats the thing...

For me personally... I was/am an alcoholic since I was 12 years old when I had my first drink... WOW auh? i had many things that went terriblely wrong in my life, as all A's do... But I had a miscarrage when I was 20 and that about killed me, for I have always wanted children... Lots of them... So when I got preg. with my son, I could not see leading him down the road that I so wanted to run from myself...

All you can do is focus on yourself.. .His bottom is his business and his concern.. Not always easy Detaching with Love but it is the best medicine I have found to keep me in the NOW...

Love & Prayers...
Jozie

carolinagirl · ~*Service Worker*~

Some people have no bottom I think. My ex AH has lost numerous high paying jobs, been to prison several times and local jails too, been in accidents where he almost killed himself and others, lived on the street, lost his kids TWICE, his wife, his home, destroyed his credit and he was just released from prison again about 2 weeks ago and is living in an Oxford house which he went into with nothing. I wonder if he'll ever get it. I am always cautiously optimistic that this will be the time that he figures it out but I don't put any reliance on that. I finally got that I didn't want to live like that anymore and moved on.

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

If you go to an Aa meeting that will give you some idea. Some people's bottom is soft some isnt'. Another good resource for you is the book Getting them Sober.

No one can tell you what it will take, its entirely up to the alcoholic. Some get sober, some don't. There is no guarantee who will and who won't. Nevertheless a lot of them do get sober and go on to have successful lives. There is hope.

Maresie.

Inpain · Senior Member

I think we are hitting bottom. It was a slow progression till it got here. My A had and affair, we are in danger of loosing a home, maybe two, he was in danger of loosing his family and our money situation sucks.

We both went into counceling. Thank God his councelor specializes in addictions and got him into AA right away. He's NOT following it the way he should but I need to give him the benefit of the doubt. He hasn't been drinking. He just hasn't gone to a meeitng in two weeks.

Maybe there are multiple bottoms?

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