The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I don't know what my problem is today. I tried HALT and it is none of the above but I still feel "off". I'm in a good mood, and a good place I think, but am getting a bit nerveous over the upcoming date with EXABF. I asked him in an email if he was nerveous and he said he was because he had never had a first date with someone he was already in love with before. That was nice and made me a bit more calm.
Each day it gets closer I wonder what is going to happen. I'm not expecting anything because that is not trusting my HP, but I am wondering what is going to happen none the less. Will it be awkward and uncomfortable?, or will that ease that has always been there still be there? Will I want to chase down TLC's mailman or regret even going? Will I just hurl all over him from the nausea the nerveousness is causing me? What if things go great and he wants to reconcile? Do I want to chance the hurt he gave me not once but twice before within a matter of weeks?? Do I want to feel that pain again or be glad I have moved past it and keep going? The trust is gone because of that, I have no trust in him right now so that would have to be completely rebuilt-Is it possible to rebuild trust once someone breaks your heart? I know things could never be the same, there is no going back, but could they be better since now I am in recovery and able to better understand things and show him the support that I never did in his program???
I still love him very much, though I haven't told him this, and he feels the same apparently. Canceling the date isn't what I want I just want to find a way through this ucky feeling I have right now..
I know there are a lot of questions and What If's.......I'm just nerveous, REALLY nerveous and could really use any and all ESH because right now I don't know if I can feel this way for another 3 days......I
thanks for letting me share shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
What is sounds like to me is that you're nervous specifically over the event itself and how you're gonna handle it, especially if old feelings crop up. I think you're worried that if old feelings some how come back, you haven't recovered, or grown or whatever. That's not true. That you feel things from the past means that you still feel the past. It doesn't make you any more or less a recovering person than anyone else. The best thing I can think to recommend is keep yourself busy this week. If you're busy you can't think
It never ceases to amaze me how much we punish ourselves with worry and projecting. I'm as guilty of that as the next person is. All I can do is tell you what has worked for me in the past.
We have a thing in Al-Anon called "bookending". When you are faced with a situation such as the one you have coming up you call someone from your local call list before you go and share with them all the things that are running through your head. When it is over with you call that person again and talk about how things worked out. I added one step in between these two that has worked wonders for me as well as others I've shared it with and that is during the "event" if at any time you feel scared, anxious, nervous just hold your arm down close to your body, make a fist and squeeze really tight. The feeling you get then is the person you called holding your hand. If it helps any just squeeze your fist really tight as often as you need to between now and the time for the date and that is us holding your hand. One of the fantastic things about this program we call Al-Anon is that we never have to do anything alone again. There is always someone there to walk with us through whatever we are walking through.
Another thing to do in the meantime is get busy real busy. Start a project that requires thought and action and do it. If you can't think of anything then ask yourself what you would be doing if this were not going on and then go do that.
Put the entire situation and the results in your higher power's hands and leave it there. Your HP will work things out for you the way they are supposed to be worked out and will give you the words you need when you need them.
In recovery Barb
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
I've seen alot of the membership give you feed back on this for a while now Shelly. That doesn't seem to be working though. Maybe the gift will come from the lesson. What's the worse that can happen if you do or you don't? From my experience it won't be fatal. I don't ever remember anything fatal happening from letting go and letting God or not projecting or fortune telling unless they have already made up their mind that the only outcome will be terminal.
This is a good example of doubt...self and program. My experience tells me that when I got into the practice of the program rather than into the discussion of it, I would find out if the program really worked for me. That is where, "It works if you work it" comes from. The slogan "One day at a time" means living in the now only not the past or future. "What ifs must be balanced with What if nots" or the whole mental exercise is a waste of recovery time.
So what do you have to do for the moment?; the present? This is one of the growth opportunities how do you want it to come out?
You don't need to do this for 3 more days. Not if you stay in the present. This minute. The things you are stressing over is called external mind chatter, the sh*tty committee. Fire the commitee! Staying in the present prevents us from all that chatter. Those things are not happening right NOW. It's called external because it is not what is really happening in YOUR NOW. You just can't take it on and be at peace. Eckhart Tolle's book The Power of Now explains NOW better then anyone in a way that I could truly understand. He has many videos on youtube to help with the understanding of NOW. He's a little man but the power of his words are undeniable. Here are some Eckhart quotes. BREATHE
-- Edited by Christy on Tuesday 17th of March 2009 05:19:51 PM
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I was thinking the same as Christy. Stay in this moment.
We were never created with a crystal ball. It is clear our HP never wanted us to see the future. Just focus on your breath and stay in this moment. Remember that whatever happens, you have choices now. If it gets uncomfortable, you can take care of yourself, maybe excuse yourself and leave. If you feel pressured, you can remember the program teaches us to WAIT, to not react. Take a deep breath. You don't need to make any decisions on that night. It is simply a get-together. That's it.
Invite your HP into it. You'll be just fine. Breathe.
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
My sponsor says this is what she was told to do early on, and what she did, when her brain would start going off on her:
Just look around and name what you see. Aloud.
Computer monitor, slightly yellowed with age. Tea mug with no tea in it. Yellow. A gift from Jen. Bill from Edmonds to be paid. Rented a saw. Loose pen, black. Thank you note. From Ellen. For being so understanding. Brown wall. Red book. Window. Gray clouds. Sunshine from the left.
What this does is, it brings you into the PRESENT (as others have been saying) and it brings the focus closer to YOU (as others have been saying). In before-alanon logic, this doesn't make a lot of sense, because - I want to be prepared!!! I want to think of all the possibilities!!!. Well, in alanon logic, you have thought of some of the options and of what you will do if they come up, AND THAT FRAMEWORK FOR A FUTURE EVENT IS SUFFICIENT. Further analysis will make you crazy. (Which it's doing.) It's one of those things I can't explain about Alanon, but I PROMISE you that when I bring the focus out of "then" to "now" and squarely on ME, I feel better. It will work for you too. Try it.
I try these date not to make anything the pivotal point in my life. Diversifying is tremenodusly hard work. Some of us codependents really give over all our power. Can you get some interests that you are passionate about?
