The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My ex A called me last night on my cell phone (I didn't give him the number and asked ex MIL not to either) and surprisingly I didn't recognize his voice and when he said my name I said yes this is her - awaiting him to tell me who it was. He sounded shocked and disappointed about that.
Anyway, he asked when he could see the kids and what is going on with everyone. In a bit of response to the last post regarding this, he did send letters very regularly to me and all the kids from prison. I didn't get a chance to talk because the social service agency that is working with our family since CPS was called last week due to issues with my oldest daughter showed up just in the nick of time. I didn't feel irritated or apprehensive talking to him and there was no real pressure just when can I see them. I asked him what he has going on. We were friendly on the phone and I didn't get that old he's irritating me feeling that I used to. Maybe it's because I'm stronger or maybe the conversation just didn't go on long enough thanks to the social worker. Anyway, I still feel torn about having communication with him at this point but I wonder sometimes if I'm putting too much on it.
On another note, I was talking to his aunt online last night and mentioned something about starting our son on ADHD medications today (he's failing the 1st grade and can't pay attention for more than a minute at a time). Anyway she got angry and said she couldn't talk anymore. This made me angry and got me to thinking. Who the hell is anyone to judge what I do? First off she has no idea how my son is and I think she may have seen him once ever when he was a tiny baby. Second off, I don't see her volunteering to bring her booty over to NC from CA and help me out with him but yet she feels right in making a judgment without any knowledge of the situation. So the more I thought about it the more irritated I got. Nobody has done anything significant for these kids or knows the details of their lives like I do so how can anyone venture to guess what's right for them since no one is involved but me?
Another side note... I got accepted into a master's program and will be adding that to my already overflowing plate AND I'm still madly in love. So there is a ray of hope. Sure there's drama but it's all pretty far away and not at my doorstep at least. Well most of it anyway. It's hard to remember sometimes when I first left the A and my life was a shambles. Miraculously, life really does go on and get better and I have to say that right now is probably the best time of my life (so far anyway:)
Great to hear your progress carolinagirl. Those A's seem to just hang on to irritate us. I got alot of judgments about how I raised my kids. They are doing all right. As they tell us in the program, pray for those who don't get it. Congrats on your Master's program. I did the same thing and it pays off in the long run.
Coming from a family of boundary-less meddlers, I think that the people that judge us are ppl that aren't doing self-analysis or self-reflection.
Awareness of self is the painful first step towards all of this growth & change in our lives, sure it hurts - so most ppl dont bother to do it. They simply walk around criticizing others & ignoring their own issues.
Consider the source &/or remember other's opinions about you aren't your concern or any of your business - leave it with them. Seems like most people love gossip & dirty laundry/scandal. You know the saying, misery loves company. She's just rejecting your growth b/c she isn't. idk, maybe I'm off base in ur situation but I have noticed that in my life.
A year & a half ago, my aunt & mother were really ragging on me about al-anon & having friendships in cyber space (with many people in al-anon). I allowed their remarks to influence me and floated away from program for a few months. Well, they have never been to al-anon, they dont know what they are talking about. People are "concerned" and they worry. That doesnt help anything either except put more fear & negativity into the universe. They cant change us, they shouldnt worry. It takes work to let that stuff go & learn a better way of living.
I also stopped talking to my family about my growth... it is none of their business and they don't understand. One day, if they ever reach out, I will have the opportunity to open up. In the mean time, I'll keep it to other alanons... here I am supported, loved & not judged until I can sort my issues out for myself to make healthier decisions on my own.
I too am less irritated by other people. In the past their comments (I would allow the to) make me nuts - today I have much more control over my self and my reactions.
"Miraculously, life really does go on and get better and I have to say that right now is probably the best time of my life (so far anyway:)". -carolinagirl
That is SO awesome!!! Good on you!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Maybe you can come to some compromise with the ex. If he meets certain criteria he can see the children. You have custody so after all its all up to you.
I'm sorry you have to deal with CPS. I'm also sorry you have to deal with the issue about your son. I hope you manage to find some resources for him.
I'm very proud of you for getting into a masters program. What a lot you have on your plate. There's no question some of your financial issues will be solved by getting an advanced degree but its a long haul. I hope this board can help you.
I know I have always gone to the butchers for my bread. Recently in al anon I've stopped doing that and boundary upped. I found that the way out of continual resentment, mis communication and more. I can't say its easy there is a void for a while but I'm so much more focused as a result.
First I'm so proud of you for all the progress you've made and how much you've grown. I think that's why you didn't get irritated or upset when he called. Second, it has never failed to baffle me how poeple that do not have my problems always have the solution to them. Then they tell me how poorly a job I'm doing solving the problems they've never had. Third, see if you can get samples for the meds, or if there is a generic (you've probably thought of all of this). These helped me immensely.
