Today I have been thinking a lot about my life, and where I've been, and where I'm going.  It's been a wild trip so far....I turn 55 tomorrow.  Maybe that's why I'm thinking....
After 4 failed marriages, I married the one man I thought I would love forever.  An A.  Who turned out to be an abusive, violent A.  I loved that man for over 20 years, even while we were apart for 9 years, and I was married to someone else.  Crazy!
I want to announce, I am finally over him, for good.
We were divorced last Oct., after I moved out in July, following almost 8 years of marriage.

When I first left, I thought I would die.  Literally.  I just couldn't take the screaming, drinking, threats, etc. anymore.

So, I got my apartment, then about 2 months later, I met someone new.  He is NOT an A.  He is a sweetheart.  He has been divorced 2 times, moved back in with his folks about a year ago during the last divorce.

I am amazed by  his kindness to me, to my cat.  He is so "normal" I can't believe it.  We've been dating since Labor Day, and NO ISSUES at all!  I can't imagine that.  Never had that with anyone before.  Always some kind of drama.

Anyway, last weekend, D. and I were out, and we passed a motorcycle, with a girl on the back with really blonde hair.  I turned around, because her hair was so bright, it caught my eye.  And it was my EX's girlfriend on the back of the motorcycle HE was driving.  It was "our" motorcycle", we took so many trips on it.  About the only time we didn't fight.  I loved being behind him, my arms around him.  Anyway, when I saw them, I didn't feel anything!  NOTHING!  I never thought I could feel "nothing" about that man. 

I must be getting well.  I hope so.  I just looked over at my boyfriend, and took his hand, and thanked God for placing this man in my life.  He seems to love me so much, I have a hard time believing that he is real.  He loves me, my cat, my granddaughter. 

AND we just recently found HIS daughter who he hasn't seen in almost 7 years.  She is 21 now and has a 4 year old little girl of her own.  He didn't even know he was a grandpa! I found her by typing her name in on a popular website for networking. 
I just did it because I was bored, but once I found her, I had to tell him.  He waited a couple of days and then contacted her.  That was the end of Feb., and they've been talking ever since!
And we went and met her, and they hugged.  It was so cool. 
He was never married to her mother, had a paternity test done because he wasn't sure the baby was his, and although he paid his child support over the years for the girl, dealing with the mother and that wild situation somehow got too much for him, so he just bowed out of the picture, except for the support payments. 
So now, he has his daughter back.  She hugged me too!  She's a beautiful girl, but I think a little on the wild side, and has had a hard life in a hard part of the city. 
She told him today, when they were talking about if she should call him by his name or call him "Dad" she doesn't want him to disappear again.  He feels really bad, I know for not being there during the growing up years, but he told me the reason why, and  I guess he did what he thought was best at the time.
While we were there at the house, of course, his ex-gf was there.  Ugh.  That wasn't too much fun for me, but I can't imagine them together anyway. They never made eye contact, or spoke, and she never spoke to me.  I just can't imagine him with her at all! 

Sorry for rambling, I just have so much stored up inside me.

I just want to let those of you who think you CAN'T live without your A, you CAN.  And life can hold so many surprises and gifts for you that you can't even imagine. 

I never thought my life would be this good.  I just hope I don't mess things up.

Love in Recovery,
Becky1