The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After a rather topsy turvy week last week I feel much more grounded today. Last week I was letting the upcoming date with EXABF work on and test every part of my program. Thanks to my program, my HP, my MIP family and my sponsor I do believe I passed:)
Two of my worst character traits are obsessing and projecting, both of which I am working on wholeheartedly and it is starting to take ahold I am glad to say. Whenit comes to obsessing I have learned the HARD way that the best way to stop is to not start it because once I do-LOOK OUT!LOL. When it come to projecting I still do that but not as often. It is easy to fall into and again, hard to get out of. I realized that projecting is really one of those things best solved by a simple slogan-ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Expectations are a bit harder for me, I have them of everyone,and know I need to work on this. I asked EXABF this weekend via email if he had a "plan" for our date, and when he wrote back and advised that he hoped to go early so I could still make my meeting I just about lost it!!! In my mind he was making plans for me (which as my sponsor pointed out I had asked him for a plan-lol), and he was also getting involved in MY program and it is not up to him to work my program nor make my schedule around my meeting!! To me he was doing things for me that I am capable of doing for myself (I already had a sitter for the night, and planned to hit a Sunday night meeting instead this week).
What I realized after I regrouped and gave it some thought, was what was upsetting me wasn't really any of that.....it was that he said he hoped to make an early dinner so I could go to my meeting.....which ruined my expectation that we would have as much time as we needed to talk things over-that was the REAL problem-an expectation,and automatically my expectation mande me feel like he was rushing the one thing that I had hoped for and I went into automatic mad mode.
I'm realizing that I am a work in progress, and it is all about progress and NOT perfection and I am ok with that, for it's times like these when I can step back and REALLY see my thought processes changing that I learn to love my life and my program all over again. What a gift....... Thanks for letting me share your friend and work in progress in recovery shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
shellyj- some of my biggest character defects are obsessing and projecting too. I find that in my current situation of being unemployed, I have to find other things to occupy my mind, or I will immediately go into obsessing and projecting. Sometimes it's not enough for me to tell myself, Just Don't Do It, or Just Don't Start It, because if I don't fill my mind with something positive to do, like come in here, go to the chat room, or call my sponsor, I end up obsessing and projecting.
I can see from your post that you called your sponsor, so you are taking care of you. Good job working your program. Keep up the good work.
Obsessing was one of my real toxic traits. This board was very kind to me when I was at the height of it. As I worked a program some of those issues fell away.
