The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ny 29y/o son is dying of chirrosis. He needs a liver transplant but of course cant get one. I am trying so hard to stand back. I have told him not to contact me unless he is ready to get help. So I sit here and wait for a phone call saying he is dead.
You and him will be in my thoughts and prayers...May your HP get you through this difficulty time! Keep coming to Alanon and using your tools. Live life one day at a time...
brightmommy
__________________
"if you can't say nothing nice, don't say nothing at all!!"
I am so sorry about this terrible situation for you and your son. Neither of you are alone. You can come here any time and be with many who understand. You also both have your HP.
I live with my AH - who continues to be horribly addicted and drink even though he had a stroke and several seizures last year and was very close to death. I'm devastated that he has given up hope of sobriety and is hurtling towards his final outcome. But I'm also sure that nothing I do can stop that. Maybe he has to get so low before he wants help. Perhaps he never will and will only find peace in death. I'm now at the point that I'm leaving him to HP and loving him anyway.
I'm away at the moment for work and know the feeling of waiting for a bad phone call. But it will come if it's meant to come. I'm trying to keep pushing forward with living my life the way it was intended. It would be such a waste for this terrible disease to claim not one but two lives. One from alcohol, the other wasted just waiting.
I hope you keep coming back and sharing and take care of you.
So sorry to hear about your son... I have an Abrother that is 29, and he still will not find sobrity... I was so blessed to find an al-anon meeting in my home town, and this message board, know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers... I know what it is like to wait for such a call, my Afather pasted away this past Thanksgiving to Alcoholism, so I know the illness very well... More so then I would like....
However... The MIP family helped me out every step of the way, keep coming back, keep posting your thoughts and your troubles.You will find that the more you release the better you will feel....
Hang on to your HP, and if you have ANY F2F (face to face) Meeting in your area, I would say "Get to one"... They have really helped me, and I pray that you will find peace in no matter what your HP has in plan for you...
You have found your way into what (in my experience) is the greatest event and place for change that has ever existed anywhere. In finding yourself here I can tell you that MIP and the Al-Anon Family Groups cannot do anything for your son and that "God can and will if he (your son) seeks help." We are here for you and can show you what the disease of alcoholism has done to our lives and how we survived and learned to live free of fear, guilt and shame in spite of it.
Here are some of the suggestions I was given and over time followed thru on when I first got here as a wreck...mind, body, spirit and emotions. Get to as many meetings of the Al-Anon Family Groups as I could in the first 90 days. (suggestion was 90/90 and I got to more as there were many more available) While there sit down and listen, learn the 12 steps and 12 traditions and the slogans. Get as much literature as I could on the disease of alcoholism and read it all. Learn about and find a power greater than myself and keep and open mind about it all. Reach out for help from others and "ask for help" always. (hard one for me then). Practice, Practice, Practice what I learn.
You have started to let go of your son. I don't know if your motivation is that God can do for you and him what you cannot or that you are angry or just too tired or any other motivation...however...the first three steps of our recovery program is the "letting go steps". It sounds like you are ready.
I spent a lot of time waiting for the ex A to die. He didn't. I was dying while I was waiting. I had to turn it over. If you need help on working on skills that al anon can offer a good site to go to is www.coping.org.
Thank you all for your love, thoughts, hugs and wisdom. I am really trying to let go with love and trust my HP to take care of my son and myself. I am really afraid the only peace my son will ever find is in death. I suppose that should make this easier, but somehow I cant stop crying. The sadness and helplessness is too overwhelming. Thanks again to all of you, Ranbrew
