The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I really need some esh on this. My bf, almost a year sober, has been staying away on weekends for many months now, not overnight, but during the day, comes home after work during the week. He's also been grumpy lately and keeps critizining me over everything in the last few weeks.
We had a sort of argument earlier, I stated my opinion, he cursed me, I left, came home 3 hours later, he was gone, still gone now. He called shortly after I left and left a message saying he's sorry, bla bla. I don't buy sorry anymore. Anyway, I believe he really does not care about me and hasn't in a long time and really I sort've wished he would just leave since I'm not seing a change or reason for me to make an effort anymore.
Thanks to alanon, I have been staying calm, taking care of myself, not taking care of him. I'm suspecting he's cheating but I don't know and I'm not looking for him, not checking his calls or any of that. I don't even feel the need to.
I am just tired of this. If he doesn't love me then why is he staying? Well guess cuz he's comfortable. Typical sober A, dry drunk, I don't know. I'm not trying to complain here, I just wonder if anyone went tru this and what they did about it.
Yeah, I got sick of it and after about 3 years of sitting on the fence, I left. They do not have the wherewithall to do anything but drink or surround themselves with enablers (that pretty much covers it). They do not have the skills to "leave" unless it somehow serves those two points. If leaving takes any kind of work, lifting a finger to do anything, they won't do it unless someone is doing all the work for them. You are either in that cluster or not. Plain and simple. I wanted more and felt I deserved better and that being alone was better. Besides, mine started getting violent the few times we were together so no one needs to demonstrate that twice to me- I got out, fast.
I understand the exhaustion. You do have choices. Hugs, J.
Buick, My husand and i have seperated three times and have filed for divorce twice. He loves me most and cares about my feelings most when I am moving on and I feel great. I am on the fence right now. I don't know if I should stay or go yet once again. It's hard. HUGS, Tonya
(((((Buick)))))), I forget, is he going to meetings and working a program?
Anniversaries seem to bring out touchy behaviour in mine too - not an excuse, but apparently a fact, and if I don't deal with it I'll suffer from it. I need to remember it's NOT ABOUT ME! - and sometimes I manage that. Then in a few days we'll have a great day. I think for me part of it is remembering that ups and downs are NORMAL. Another part is being PATIENT. Mine just celebrated 5 years sober, and by and large things are usually pretty good. They have gradually gotten better over time, but it's an average - not an every-day-is-better thing. But I still have plenty of time to practice my program, because I AM SICK TOO, and he just happens to have behaviours that make it real easy for me to fall back into MY disease.
Is it time to practice saying what you need to say for YOU? There's only so much tongue-biting a body can do - maybe there's stuff you need to get out there, kindly, calmly, but out.
