The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This morning I was on the way out (which is good since I've been in bed for a few days with allergies. Quite by chance I met an old boss of mine who I worked for 7 years ago. I greeted her warmly. She was very nice and encouraged me to get back in touch with her. I was happy for about 10 seconds then in popped all the resentments I had of stuff that happened when I worked for her. They are legitimate but I have to remember I was Ms. People Pleaser then and people pleasing is an invite to serious resentment.
One of my core issues at the moment that trying to act with boundaries is incredibly foreign for me. I'm entering foreign territory, being polite, non commital, balanced and letting go of the past (whew). I'm glad to see this particular boss because she left the place (where she is now back at work) very ill. She looked much better than she was 7 years ago. I don't want to get into the politics of the organization (she has an incredibly awful really nasty boss who really can't be anything like a horror to work for). Obviously I don't need to go there do I? I also don't want to get ensnared in people pleasing again. I have nothing much to offer but pleasantries but for me that's a lot because I only know how to go overboard and then retreat into feeling like a victim. I know it would be good for me to tread on this unfamiiliar territory but the knee jerk action I have is to retreat to resentments (some of which obviously I set up by my peope pleasing). Letting go is pretty hard I'd rather lick my wounds and feel superior!
I guess going forward I'll have to learn how to navigate this unfamiliar terrain. Any ESH please.
You are getting to know you and that's great. Getting to accept yourself without
reservations also comes and having the courage to change what it is that you cannot use any further and take action on newer, better thoughts and behaviors will open the door to balance. That is my journey. I used what I learned about myself and my situations to make better choices...some hard some not so. The choices regarding others in my life split my work in two. I can only do for me what I need to do for me and assess the situation and others in the situation to see if I want to participate. How and if I participate is my responsibility. Some times my participation was to leave entirely in order to keep my peace of mind and serentiy and to not hold myself victim to the consequences of others' choices. Kinda like alcoholism huh? This program can work anywhere in my life.
Self awareness is key to better positive changes. You get to where you most nearly want to go and depart from where you're stuck. Good program!
Well I certainly don't want to take my former supervisor's inventory (been there done that). I'd just like another reference if I'm honest. I'm glad she is well (I thought she was at death's door. Even though I really need a job wild horses wouldn't drag me back into that organization not with the boss she has! I guess I know my limitations. I will make a toehold out there. I may just send an email and keep it very very casual (not that easy for an intensity junkie like me!).
