The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
thank you for your reply. when you said 'understanding him still isn't the answer', and, 'just know it is the disease' and 'you are never going to understand him', you know what popped into my head? a comment i will never forget that was one of my biggest revelations of 'faith'.....my hp is God, and i was told that there are many things about Him that we will never understand or be able to explain, we just need to believe.' the moment i heard that comment, i accepted it as true (for me). i use this answer on my son all the time when he asked how God can see everyone, be everywhere, etc.
so when i heard you say that, it was like, 'yes, lori! duh!' what a profound statement, abby! i keep trying to 'figure it out'. i am always trying to figure people out. why they do what they do, what may have happened in their lives, how they might be feeling, all that. but with my a....it's a whole different set of rules, isn't it? when i do this with 'normal' people, it is largely what helps me be compassionate and understanding and relate to what they must be going thru. this tactic does NOT work with my a, tho! it just completely confuses, hurts, and PISSES me off!
thanks so much for that comment, abby. i read your post 2 nites ago, and that comment has just really stuck with me. it totally goes against my nature, to not try to 'figure it out' and just 'know it's the disease'. i have never looked at it that way, i guess..to just 'know it's the disease'. well, i probly have at times, but reading it last night really made sense. i'm sure that's why i always take everything regarding my a so personally, ya know?
Hello Lori , so glad u got it ,hehe. We get it when we get it , period. We take what we need and leave the rest til were ready. That is why I don't mind that I need this prog for the rest of my life , I know i don't get alot of stuff so if I keep commin who knows??
What I needed to find out was what was it in me that felt I deserved to be treated that way, what was it that kept me in that relationship, when I really wasn't getting anything back. WEll I found out more about me than i really wanted to know, but once i had some answers to the questions i could begin to change, ME.
I don't have a clue really , what it was that allowed us to stay together, but I was busy with my prog , he got busy with his and somehow we managed to put this mess back to gether. There are no promises or guarantees here , just hope. : )
Stay safe work on you and forget trying to figure him out and u will be fine. If u have an odat go to the page on july 14th do what it says and u will begin to feel much better. goodluck Louise
