The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just to get started, most of you know that I have an Abrother that i have been trying to get in my Afather (pasted) trailor... Well I know I told ya's about the $600. water bill and blah blah blah... Well since I got the bill I have been trying to contact him, for over a week today... Texting him, his gf, sent messages home with his children, and my sister was heading to his house yesterday and she told him again... so now I have made contact thru 4-5 people, and i am told "Oh he can't find his charger to use his phone"... His gf has one as well, and they currantly this week still live in the same house.. I feel like i have done all I can do...
So I get a call today, from (2) of my Abrothres MANY enablers... both telling me that He has his phone now and I should call him and tell him again...Why should i... I mean yeah, I know I will be responsible for everything if he falls on his face yet again, but I think HE should contact me... He has always WAITED on someone else to jump in and take over, yes it makes me mad, yes I am most likely shooting myself inthe foot, for I will have to pay them in the end, but I feel like if i keep getting a hold of him, he is responsible for NOTHING AGAIN...
Does this make any sense..I am sooo trying to just step back and Let go & Let God...And everytime I feel like I am making progress someone in my family, starts jumping in and "Telling" just ONE MORE TIME!!! I don't want to ONE MORE TIME, I don't want to AT ALL... He is 29 years old, it is suppose to be HIS PLACE, I GAVE HIM A HOME, how much more can I do...WHy should I call him when he KNOWS FOR SURE, exactly Why I wanted to talk to him because I text them both the entire story 3 times last week... so which way do I go from here? Do I buckle, and CALL HIM, or just let go and let God, and go with the flow...
Looking for a lift... No Pressure.. :) Thanks for letting me share... Friends in Recovery Jozie
One of the things I've had to do with people and money is be honest: I don't have any. If they want something like a ride to a meeting, I'm happy to do that, but I'm fully financially committed to my bills at this point and don't have any over flow. I also have to make clear my boundries with the money. I'm learning myself how to handle money and how to make mistakes and not die from them. You could always tell the enablers about your positions with the money, if you are willing to pay or not. It's your money. Using it for your welfare does not make you a bad person for using it to take care of you
Well see it doesn't become my problem until June, so I am trying to back away from the whole deal till then... That is what I have been trying to do... It is his bill to pay, but if he goes back to jail next month during his 100th court date, then it will be come my problem.. but if he gets a handle on things till then, it is his...
So i just don't know if I should keep putting myself out there, and him NEVER calling me back....When it will benifit him to call me why should I keep trying...
This is my issue... Urghhhh... It just never ends...
Thanks for listening... Friends in Recovery Jozie...
If we continue to do for them what they should be doing for themseves there is not reason to change . Your not responsible for the water bill , if they shut it off oh well . Maybe one last text message just a freindly reminder , water bill is due and I am not prepared to pay it . and then let it go. If brothers have a problem with that they can pay it . good luck Louise
(((((jozie)))) You have gone above and beyond and are now allowing his actions, or lack thereof, and your familys actions to affect YOUR Program. Do not call, do not ask, walk away. Should they bring it up, advise them DIRECTLY and honestly that you will NOT discuss it any further and are DONE!! You can NOT and will NOT make your brother grateful or responsible no matter WHAT you do......it is OUT of your hands, always has been, always will be-do NOT allow any one else to try and put him/his problems in your hands... Focus on you, take care of you and ask yourself.........
IS IT WORTH MY SERENITY??????? I'm betting I already know the answer......and so do you.......
keep it simple shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
((((((((Jozie)))))))), you are doing SO great - of COURSE it's uncomfortable, because your newfound Alanon insight is competing with everything you learned before then, and they're different. Your instinct to let him be responsible for himself is right on in an alanon context. You've already texted the whole story to your family - what exactly is in it for anybody to make it 4 times? You've said your piece, and I think you're exactly right that having said it, it's now time to back off. Your other brothers call to tell you how to save A brother this time? Practice how you can tell them exactly that.
"He knows my phone number, and I'm sure he knows the story since I texted him at the same time I texted you last week."
"I'm practicing letting him be responsible for himself - I've already put myself way out there on this one, and he can take advantage of that or not, as he chooses."
"I wish I could save him too, but I'm learning I can't - that's really up to him."
And by the way, I don't know if you saw my note in another thread, but I am getting SUCH a big kick out of watching you encourage other newbies to try 6 f2f meetings - I really see you as having coming quite a distance in a very short time.
