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First off Hi to all, Alot to say ....Worth the read.....
I am a mother of a 19 year old cancer kid drug addict and wife of a unproclaimed alcoholic. PHEW
2 years ago my son was dabbling in pot and I am sure other things...we had behavior problems and got him into a therapist...there are stories (nightmares) up the waz000 . In the mean time my husband has always been the fun guy , small town small circles, not much to do but drink beer. He is a functional alcoholic. He works hard provides extremely well. . His father worked hard and drank beer hard. As the circle goes.... Husband works till 5 then on most given nights drinks beer sometimes til 8pm sometimes till 3am . All his FUN comes from beer....no hobbies just work and beer. Of course he points the fingers all around not at himself . I am suppose to just be happy to have a roof over my head...I guess. His lame beef with me is that I dont make enough money and that I am not a partner.......HMMMMM....... Money is not an issue at all . For his age he is doing extremely well and he has worked very hard...It is a family business and was raised up in it and on his defense he is awesome at it. This is his excuse for everything...FUNCTIONAL. He drinks after hours and on weekends..and the circle of people around him do the same...most in the circle have broken families, bad relationships.....this is who he vents to...gets advice from.....would you ask financial advise from someone in bankrupcy? Blind leading the blind and we all know misery loves company..This led to him having a emotional affair with a woman that is in the circle....facts on her are loose , married (now seperated) to my husbands first cousin, yes you read that right.....she is the girl that hangs out with only men....because women dont like her ...I wonder why????? She is an alcoholic too. One day I got a feeling that they were too comfortable with each other I spoke was my concerns , I was told by my husband that I was crazy , jealous, and out of bounds.....and that he was not doing anything wrong..........Our sons drug issues are going on in the meantime...Then April1 2008 my son is diagnosed with Hodgekins Lymphoma........, husbands drinking, this woman.....are all going on in the back round...I am home trying to put on yet another hat....SAVE my son from cance now...for course my husband cant deal...couldnt deal with my sons drug use ...cant deal with the cancer....I stepped up more than I knew I could......Husband calls me the rock...well you know what it is easier to call someone else a rock that to be one yourself sooothat got old to. 3 months into chemo treatments two days after my sons 19th bday....a tuesday morning I go to do the laundry and my husbands jeans are hanging over the washer folded in half , he was out late the night before, I pick them up unfold them and find all sorts of crap smeared all over the croch. Some ones period...goo.....He must have taken them off drunk out of his mind folded them then forgot to hide them wash them ..My knees went out from un der me ...meanwhile I hear him in the shower so I knew I had to get ahold of his underware...I went into the bathroom like I was collecting laundry and swiped the underware....of course goo all dried up on them...he actually got into bed with that crap all over him.......I hid the clothing waiting for him to come down...he was like a rat running around trying to find his clothing..I think he had hoped I had put it all in the wash not realizing. He did nopt want to leave me in the house allone...when normally he is off to work....He unzipped my purse thinking I had them in there. I watched this show go on and almost laughed...because I was ten steps ahead of him....DEVastated He went to His first chemo appointment,my sons 8th with us that week because I had an appointment me and these clothes to find out what I already knew..Vaginal fluids etc My husband had not even gone to chemo up to that day.....6 months of chemo .....I got pictures of the clothing....confronted him....sent a picture to the woman......My husband to this day has not met my sons oncologist.....My son had a one month hospital stay from Oct 14 to Nov 14 ending in Philly at Temple Hospital I stayed in my sons room most nights only to come home to get cleaned up and a good nights sleep evey 4 days or so. My husband worked and came for day visits on weekend. So he drank on most nights while we were away....how nice...All I could do is eat bad food and bite my nails....But I was my sons strength....mean while they are pumping morphine, percocet...into my son...for a month none stop....my sons drug historyy....he likes it....me fearing this ....now in the past 4 months or so he has become a true blue addict to drugs , he snorts opiods. So here I am juggling his crucial medical care, my husband being unavailable, finding drug evidence , calling therapists, making pet scan appointments , pulmonolgy appts...trying to run a business....and a home ,if I was doing what my husband is doing , not dealing , where would my son be? I got my son into therapy and he is starting a IOP drug program...fingers crossed ! Now my husband has to do something , he is in denial. Marriage counseling is next . I hope to lead him to the water....what he does from there is up to him I have to save myself
Talk about living a Lifetime movie.... This has been just the last few years of my life...addictions go back futher...but came to a huge ugly head Drug, alcohol,infidelity, Cancer, PHEWWW
I need Alanon Are these boots made for walking? Appley
Sounds like you will fit right in here. I hope you find an f2f (face to face) meeting near you, or even near the hospital..... I continue to find that when I make the time, in my no-time schedule, to go to meetings, I somehow have MORE time, not less.
These boots are made for whatever you decide is right for you, but there's certainly no need to make a drastic decision now in the midst of crisis. Alanon literature suggests really working an honest program for at least 6-12 months before making a life-changing decision - after all, you've already made ONE of those by coming here! Recognizing that you need Alanon is a big first step.
((((((Welcome Appley)))))))) I think you will feel quite comfortable here and learn many things that may help you on your journey to peace and happiness. This place is a wonderful place, filled with great folks who can share with you and help you along the way. You will be told alot, as I am going to tell you now......to focus on yourself! I HATED when I first came here and people kept telling me that-thought they were all nuts. How could I focus on myself when I had everyone else's problems to fix???? Looking at everyone else's problems, kept me from facing my own, and those were the really scarey ones:) If you can find a F2F meeting in your area-please go. It will help you sooooo much. Please continue to come here and post and read any literature that you can to help guide you on your journey. it truly does work if you work it-it's a great program!! progress not perfection shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Hi Suzie, and welcome.... your story is quite detailed, but surprisingly not all that uncommon. You've arrived at a place here where you will find dozens of people in similar situations, whose experience will help you.... The time is right for you to focus your energies on YOU, and start the process of you getting healthier and better.... Once you are healthier, the options in front of you will become much clearer.... Your post is very common, from the standpoint that you are angry - mostly at your hubby - but also frustrated by what he is or isn't doing..... Don't despair - I'm certainly not "taking his side" - not by any stretch - I'd just like you to encourage you to turn your focus on YOU, as that will do you the most good right now....
Please get yourself a copy of "Getting Them Sober", volume one, by Toby Rice Drews... it is an awesome book, that will help you get yourself on the right track. Al-Anon is the place for you....
Take care Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
