The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am a new member of Al-Anon. I've been twice to my local meeting place. I know this is a valuable place for me. I do not yet have a sponsor...
I am trying to figure out my place in all of this.
I AM NOT THE ALCOHOLIC. HE IS.
After failing miserably once at trying to control his drinking (after attending my 1st meeting), I realized that
I DO NOT CAUSE IT I CANNOT CONTROL IT and I CANNOT CURE IT.
However... I'm left wondering, where does that leave me????? Tonight, I opted to go to a friend's house and drink with them all rather than sit at home and stew alone on a Saturday night.
So I accompanied my alcoholic boyfriend to this party down the street. He has no idea that I chugged a couple swigs of vanilla vodka right before I got in his truck just so that I could deal with the "xxxx".
Because I'M NOT THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM I can drink ETOH and get drunk pretty fast.... which I did tonight. Thought it would distract me from the fact that he's "xxxx" wasted again after promising me no return back to alcohol.
He broke his promise.
Again.
And again.
And again.
AND A-"xxxx"-GAIN.
"xxxx".
So I get wasted tonight because it's only fair...
right?
OR ARE YOU TURNING ME INTO A "xxxx" ALCOHOLIC, TOO?????????????
What do you want? "xxxx" for telling me you'd change and then YOU DON'T.
Good luck with living a happy, productive life with the way you're going.
You've got it in for yourself and it's coming quicker than you know it and it's really sad.
Tonight I got drunk because I thought it'd be a better way of dealing with HIS ALCOHOL PROBLEM. I'm an idiot.
HOW DO I DEAL??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????/
You are in the right place. I hear your anger, pain and confusion. Keep showing up at your alanon meetings, pcik up more literature, get tel #s and keep coming back here and posting.
Alanon suggests that you focus on yourself and take constructive actions each day to learn how to have a successful life even if the alcoholic is still drinking or not.
Pick up the small Just For Today Bookmark, carry it with you and try using some of the suggestions to help when you feel like self destructing.
It is Progress not Perfection in this program so that any small tool you can use will start to make a difference in the way you feel and the way you react.
Where do the 3 C's leave us? Free to focus on US. This is an incredibly difficult thing for us to do. Just watch how your brain works sometimes. Have you ever taken one minute to watch your thinking and write down every single thought that comes and goes? Its an interesting exercise in getting to know yourself, albeit a tiny one...keep coming back here and read some of the posts and write some, too. Keep going to your meetings. Its like magic, if you just keep going something cool kicks in like magic. Hugs, J.
I deal by going to my meetings, changing the things I can. I deal with acceptance and letting go. I deal with detachment and relying on my HP. I deal with learnign all I can about the disease. I also deal by enjoying my jobs. When I am at work,. I can shut out all the tapes in my head about what might or might not be happening at home. I can do my best for thsoe I serve at work . That really helps me.
Keep coming back. YOu can find peace. I jsut posted somethign I called MY STORY. If the whole thing actually posted, you might get soemthing from that.
I totally relate to your share I am sad to say in the past before al anon I did physicaly attack my AB because I was sickof the promises only to be broken I felt so unloved. But as I continue in al anon and learn more about this illnes I see he realy is sick yes he has the choice to find help but he isnt ready yet he still has lesson to learn and nomatter what I say he compulsion continues and his life gets worse.
When I am feelin angrey or sad I say to myself he carnt help it this does not mean we have to put up with unacceptable behavior as we have choices too. Whenhe makes promises i dont believe them when he breaks the promises I tell myself he wanted to keep them but is sick. I see the guilt when he lets me down and my heart aches for him this illess hurts them us and everyone around us. I am no longer living with my A as he hasnt sort help this is my choice I am taking care of me and my children.
I still have contact on the phone sometimes and tell him I carnt have a relationship at this time but his life and choices are his he carnt meet my needs because he carnt even meet his own
I hope this helps you we are all dealing with the similar problems and feeling x
It will take more than two meetings to see your part in it...so relax and take life just one day at a time. Past is gone and future isn't in sight yet...stay in the moment. I can't judge your share or your anger when I consider how my own was before I really got into program. I also drank while with her and truthfully she was always attempting to do catch up to my drinking. I complained about her drinking also and her drinking behaviors and all of the other reactive stuff maybe more than normal(?) or others. When I got into program I heard the "what is my part" question and rejected it angrily. Later on I heard the words of the 4th step and I understood the pronoun "ourselves" I knew that mean't self focus and I was angry again until my first positive reaction that came from not focusing on her but by owning the outcome to one of "our" events that messed with my feelings and behaviors. I had to admit "I was responsible" for how it came out for me and I let my alcoholic off the hook. After that I was in Al-Anon for me and not because of her.
It's amazing that I hated what she drank, when she drank, how she drank, what she did when she drank and her when she drank and at times tried to use drinking against her. What did she say when she would see me drink that way? "God I wish I could drink like that!" Third step..."Came to believe that a Power great than myself could restore me to SANITY!"
Your next meeting will be better and then the next and then...
