The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, this morning i woke up having had a sociable evening with friends who I havent seen for ages, it was like old times, pre my AH. But found myself sobbing and feeling inconsolable again when i woke up, in fact, i hate that feeling when i wake up and for a moment, i forget where i am now..then it hits me like a tonne of bricks. My husbands things were collected yesterday, not that he wanted much, not even things that belonged to his mother who died a couple of years ago...he wanted me to keep them because i would look after them. He rang to say thanks and how hard it must have been with some strange bloke collecting his things, i was chirpy but brief, it was fine, nice guy, no problem etc. He seems so organised and so thoughtful, not how he was when he was with me at all! Hes going to hertfordshire to his brothers today and then on to a tiny island in the west indies where his mother used to live and the family has some property they are repairing after hurricane ike. I know i should be glad he is far away, run away! But im not, i miss him but i dont know what i miss, its been all the things keeping them sober talks about for 7 years, constant threats of abandonment, actual abandonment, disappearing, telling everyone its over (except me) god its been harsh and ive always begged him to come back. Im very proud that finally ive not done that, but its all too late, he has really left, given his clothes to charity then suddenly come to his senses and decided to store the rest....i wonder why he gave the clothes he loved away...i suppose they are part of the life we had together...he texted our mutual friend at 11.30pm on wednesday night, obviously drunk...so i know in my heart nothing has changed but when he talks to me on the phone i feel like ive lost my best friend...im so hurt, i just cuddle up to my dog and weep buckets. I felt ok yesterday, not today, its awful and i know i must get strong..ive lots to sort out financially im not in a good place, only worked part time from home, ive got to get a lodger, but i cant seem to move, kick start...i just keep freezing up, how can someone i loved, do such damage, walk away from a lovely home we have done up together, a lovely dog we only bought last march, a business he was building a reputuation which will just vanish...I feel like he is getting what he wants at the expense of my happiness and well being but getting them sober tells me different and i know it is, it just doesnt stop the pain yet...
LB, be gentle all around. You need time to grieve, its to be expected. Grief work sometimes takes a very very long time but we cannot avoid it, we must just go through it with gentleness.
Nothing makes sense, I know. But acceptance is the answer to all my problems today and its the answer to yours, also. Examine this moment, its all you really have. Then the next one. The future and past are not in this moment, they either do not exist or are gone and locked away forever.
Love yourself, love your sweet pooch, love your home and the roof over your head, snuggle in and try to find something good to do for YOU today. You are going to come out on the other end sooo much better off, believe me. You are very courageous to put your recovery and serenity first. its what we all must do.
My best thoughts and prayers are with you. You will put one foot in front of the other, babysteps, remember, and take time to rest and grieve, it is absolutely necessary. Hugs, J.
I am sorry you are feeling this way. You are grieving for a relationship, a life that once was. You are grieving much in the same way I am grieving for the loss of my beloved Tim. There's really very little difference between the two. I have been struggling on and off the past couple of weeks. It will suddenly hit me that Tim is in a better place, but the life I once had is no longer there. You're doing the same.
I have learned that it's okay to feel these things. I let the sadness come, cry if I must and go on. You have to be gentle on yourself. Don't expect to feel better overnight. You, like me, have a long history with this man. It will take time. But you will get better. That I can promise. Be gentle on yourself.
When Tim was in rehab, as part of their therapy, they had to make something for someone they loved. He took a box and painted it. He then filled it with miniature pumpkins (it was fall and I collect pumpkins) and on pieces of paper he wrote some of his favorite sayings. I was looking through that box just yesterday. This was on of the quotes he put in: "Crying only a bit is no use. You must cry until your pillow is soaked. Then you can get up and laugh." He was right. Cry, be angry and feel all those things you do. Then look torwards the sun and laugh until your sides ache. You will feel better. Much love and blessings to you.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Hi, this morning i woke up having had a sociable evening with friends who I havent seen for ages, it was like old times, pre my AH. But found myself sobbing and feeling inconsolable again when i woke up, in fact, i hate that feeling when i wake up and for a moment, i forget where i am now..then it hits me like a tonne of bricks. My husbands things were collected yesterday, not that he wanted much, not even things that belonged to his mother who died a couple of years ago...he wanted me to keep them because i would look after them. He rang to say thanks and how hard it must have been with some strange bloke collecting his things, i was chirpy but brief, it was fine, nice guy, no problem etc. He seems so organised and so thoughtful, not how he was when he was with me at all! Hes going to hertfordshire to his brothers today and then on to a tiny island in the west indies where his mother used to live and the family has some property they are repairing after hurricane ike. I know i should be glad he is far away, run away! But im not, i miss him but i dont know what i miss, its been all the things keeping them sober talks about for 7 years, constant threats of abandonment, actual abandonment, disappearing, telling everyone its over (except me) god its been harsh and ive always begged him to come back. Im very proud that finally ive not done that, but its all too late, he has really left, given his clothes to charity then suddenly come to his senses and decided to store the rest....i wonder why he gave the clothes he loved away...i suppose they are part of the life we had together...he texted our mutual friend at 11.30pm on wednesday night, obviously drunk...so i know in my heart nothing has changed but when he talks to me on the phone i feel like ive lost my best friend...im so hurt, i just cuddle up to my dog and weep buckets. I felt ok yesterday, not today, its awful and i know i must get strong..ive lots to sort out financially im not in a good place, only worked part time from home, ive got to get a lodger, but i cant seem to move, kick start...i just keep freezing up, how can someone i loved, do such damage, walk away from a lovely home we have done up together, a lovely dog we only bought last march, a business he was building a reputuation which will just vanish...I feel like he is getting what he wants at the expense of my happiness and well being but getting them sober tells me different and i know it is, it just doesnt stop the pain yet...
Be gentle on yourself. 
You will feel better. Much love and blessings to you.