Staying on TOPIC! - Al-Anon Family Group

Hoot Nanny · ~*Service Worker*~

Staying on TOPIC!

Jozie · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((HUGS HOOT)))))

I am SOOOO that person... I have skatter brain moments all the time..I would like to think it came from the "blonde hair'...lol... I have slowly tried to get it together myself.. I have learned so much here about life in general and about myself and were I need to head...

Personally I think sometimes being skattered helps me get out all the pieces that I am trying to put together...Out of my head for me to read and reread... and make it make sense to ME!!! lol...

Good luck on your journey...You'll get there, One Day at A time...
Progress NOT Perfection :) Kisses...
Friends in Recovery...
Jozie...

debi-1 · Newbie

That is why I don't speak at meetings. I'm the very same way. I tend to just ramble, especially when I"m really angry at my husband's drinking. So I go off on a tangent.
You all are so articulate when speaking at meetings, and I can't express myself in such a manner. SO I just sit there and watch my screen, I feel other's pain, but I can't speak at meetings.
Before meetings however, I will talk to anyone who will listen to me. LOL

I do understand

Debbie

Diane B · Member

pick up one of the bookmarks at a face to face Alanon meeting entitled DETACHMENT. When you start to ramble or go off on a tangent, read the list slowly and quietly. Remember that you CAN start to look at this as not your "husband's drinking". You can start to look at this as two separate entitites - there is a)your husband and b)the disease of alcoholism. If you are addressing the disease and not the person, then it can't hear you. A disease only relates to treatment and a wife with 'stinkin thinkin' is no better treatment than a trip to a bar-believe me I learned this the hard way.... Leave him up to his HP and start the bookmark of DETACHMENT for yourself. If you don't go to face to face meetings (first of all, GO!) , here is what is on that bookmark....I keep mine right in my wallet next to my money where I always know where it is!
1-don't suffer because of the action or reations of other people
2-don't allow yourself to be used or abused by others in the interest of another's
recovery
3-don't do for others what they can do for themselves
4-don't manipulate situations so others will eat, go to bed, get up, pay bills, not drink, or behave as you see fit.
5-don't cover up another's mistakes or misdeeds
6-don't create a crisis (my personal favorite, or rather the one I usually mess up)
7-don't prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events
I've seen first hand how these steps truly help a person with addiction. They are sometimes scary to try, but the end result is giving them their dignity and the space they need to seperate a)the person from b)the disease. WE have to get smart and work the program IF they have any hope of getting smart and working their program. serenity and prayers.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Hoot!! LOL that was so me also and then I found out it's temporary.
Slowing down slogans and practice, focusing, staying within the time limit for
the story and giving myself time and grace to change what I could change
helped much. Being AD didn't help but program did. Now when I swing of
course its mostly for fun. Keep coming back...Its temporary.

(((((hugs))))) smile

Suzannah · ~*Service Worker*~

Stick with it (((((((Hoot Nanny))))) you are doing okay.

I am not surprised if your brain wanders off and finds itself going around in circles, or off in a tangent...there is probably a lot of stuff desperately wanting to LEAP out.

In time it will realise that it does not have to jettison everything in one fell swoop and you will find yourself being more systematic and orderly. In the mean time, I found it helped if I wrote down keywords on a paper which I kept in my pocket. I don't manage f2f but when ever I did get the opportunity to talk with someone I would take my paper out and look at my key words. Then I would concentrate on one or two so that I did not get verbal diarrhea (?cannot spell that word?)

If the topic is talking to some of your keywords, keep your eye on them as you speak. It might help, and it might be more of a hindrance, however it turns out...DON'T WORRY. Each time you talk and release some of this turmoil, that is less turmoil you have to deal with in the future.

No worries, sending you love across the pond.
Suzannah

thinkstoomuch · Senior Member

I actually don't think sharing stuff that doesn't make sense is a bad thing - as long as I don't keep going on, and on, and on. A couple of minutes is enough. I've found that saying whatever comes out is both important for me (I couldn't believe how powerful it was for me to hear my own voice - totally unexpected) - and amazingly, sometimes, to others too. I've had the experience of opening my mouth to share and feeling that what came out was total gibberish, and then having someone come up after the meeting to say, I'm so glad you said that.

So I just try to keep an eye on how LONG I'm talking, and try not to worry so much about what I'm saying. As long as I am actively listening to what others say first, what's in my head is a response to the shares I'm hearing on the topic - so to that extent, it IS on topic, by definition.

I'm practicing saying what I need to say for me, after all, and alanon is a safe place to do it.

Jean4444 · ~*Service Worker*~

Yeah, I think its funny that some of us are really long-winded and some of us are totally silent in the beginning/early recovery days and in all honesty it is still something I struggle with sometimes. I was SO BOTH which just goes to show how I did not have any dimmer switches in myself in any way! Black or white- say too much or say nothing at all. I did not say a word for over 6 months of attending meetings 3/4 times a week. I just listened. I came late and left early and was real quick about it! LOL! Then that hard crusty shell started to soften up a little. Then I cried. ALOT! and then finally I could talk. wow, its so incredible how this program helps us- sure does help me so very much. I truly am such a grateful member. Jean

Mobirdie · Senior Member

At my f2f meetings we have had to deal with this issue more than once. The major problem is that few attending actually had a sponsor and were working the steps. They tended to come to meetings to give an extensive share on how desperate their lives or an update on a prefious share, regardless of what the subject matter is for the evening.

We handled it this way...
1) We ask for members attending to stay on topic.
2) Occasionally we interject that personal crisies need to be discussed first with a sponsor if at all possible and the meetings are to share ESH and work on us.
3) For the die hards who insist on giving the latest updates we have started setting aside ten to 15 minutes at the end of the meeting for anyone who needs to get something off their chest.
4) In all cases, if we have a newcomer the topic for the evening can and will be set aside in order for them to get out what they want to if they want to. There is nothing more important in a meeting than a newcomer.

Since we implemented the above more have gotten sponsors, are working the steps and fewer "updates" are discussed during the meeting and are left for the last part of the meeting.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.