The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am totally new to Al-anon. I have what I think would be called a functioning alcoholic husband. He goes to work everyday, and he drinks at home a few times a week. But one day a week for the past few months, he has been drinking more. He goes out with a friend after work and comes home basically drunk. He acts foolish and usually passes out early. We have a new baby and it can be very hard on me, being home with the baby all day. There are many times when I feel like a single parent because some days my husband drinks too much and I dont want him handling the baby. I am here finally because I dont like what this is doing to me. I have panic attacks, I constantly obsess over his drinking and what he is doing. We fight about it so much lately that we have even talked about separating. That is the last thing that I want, but I dont know how to deal with this. He says that since he doesnt drink everyday that I am over-reacting and I should get over it, "its not the end of the world". This has been going on for a while and I finally see that I cannot do this alone and I need help. I am tired of crying and feeling desperate and trapped. I grew up with an alcoholic father, and I dont want the same thing for our baby. The funny thing is that my husband also grew up with an alcoholic father, but he says this doesnt compare to his father. I am trying to get up the nerve to go to a real meeting, but this is a big step for me. I am desperate and i need help.
I know were you are, and I have been in simular struggles myself... My Father just past this past holiday and he was an A. My husband and My self have fought more then once over alcohol...
When I started this journey about 2+ months ago, I was like you... Nervous about my 1st F2F meeting, and even after I went to the 1st one, I still didn't really know if I fit... but a good friend told me to give it (6) tries... 1st... And I am truly glad that I did!!! It was then that I knew I was right were I needed to be...
This board is WONDERFUL, the People are sweet & Loving people that fight everyday as well their own demons that this disease has brought the their lives and brought us all to MIP... & Al-anon...
The main thing!!! KEEP COMING BACK... IT WORKS IF YOU WORK IT...
If you do not think soully of yourself & your baby most likely the panic attacks wont lesson, you need to get your focus back and not on your AHusband... You can still Love him and Not Like his disease... I know in my family my father is an A, and My Baby brother... If you read any of my post this week you will see that I have been battling myself with him this week...
All are story's are differant, yet something/ or someone brought us all here... Keep coming back!!! Keep posting, and start on some books, read tons of post.. Take it slow... You will get were you need to be, for we are here for you...
Just want to welcome you to Alanon and Mip. You HAVE taken a big step, congratulations - you are in the right place. You know, your husband may be right that it doesn't compare to his dad (yet) - but a) sounds like it may be headed that way, and b) regardless of what was or was not true in either of your childhoods, his behaviour while drinking is affecting YOU NOW. THAT is where alanon comes in. It's not about him, it's about you.
Last night at a f2f (face to face meeting) someone shared how their off-and-on-activeA boyfriend said to them sarcastically, oh, so you're going to a MEEting again. I suppose you're going to come home all HAPPy, where does that leave me?
?????????!!!!!!!!!!!??????????? This is A non-logic, but I think it clearly demonstrates that meetings can and will help YOU. It's kinda overwhelming at first, and it seems like people refuse to tell you what to DO (because we each build our own program - we just use the same or similar tools). Read as much as you can, pay attention to what resonates with you - you may be able to pick out something you could try in your own situation.
When you get to that f2f meeting, pick up a free newcomer packet, and maybe a daily reader like Courage to Change - that gives you a small manageable bite of Alanon for every day, plus an index by topic so you can look up how you're feeling and read the days that are on topic.
Above all, I hope you keep coming back - it really works when you work it.
I too would like to add my Welcome to Jozie's. I too can identify with your feelings of panic and obsessing and felt so alone and lost. I am so grateful I found al-anon and this board. Here and at Face to Face Meetings you will find you are not alone and you will find tools that will enable you to reclaim your joy in life and your baby.
If you look at the top of the Board thereare several Threads that are helpful: One a Free Offer of a Book:" Getting Them Sober" Listing of On-Line Meetings held here Chat Room where you can vist day or night.
When you feel ready you can check the White pages of the telephone book for the alanon hotline. You will receive meeting information when you call and additional support.
Thank you all so much! I will keep coming back here. i have started some books that my mother-in-law gave me. She is very supportive, she knows all about this whole thing since she had an alcoholic husband, and she knows her son (my husband) is an alcoholic too
welcome! I am ACoA too and it was several years b4 I got the book: 12 Steps for Adult Children but once I did Al-Anon suddenly made so much more sense & became very real, as I was able to get to the heart of understanding my feelings and how I constantly twisted everything into some for of guilt in which I felt obligated to do things for others, whether they meant for me to or not.
I relate to that helpless feeling, when u were talkinga bout stuff your AH says. He is repeating the attitude most people in society have about alcohol, 'hey, it's legal, what's the big deal' sorta crap u always hear & everyone wants to know why ur making such a big deal out of 'the same thing "everybody" does'. No one understand like we do here at al-anon. I dont know if an A can ever really know the amount of pain they inflict on others. Just know that al-anon is here for you to recover and get your own life back.
for me the hardest thing was being able to focus on me - at first it was so difficult, nearly impossible. Then I felt guilty for it which I knew was irrational & coming from my sick mind. Eventually I got to where I could do it, guilt-free.
Glad ur here & you are posting. I hope u make it to a meeting and know also that we host 2 daily mtgs in the chat room m-f 9am & 9pm EST - u can get the weekend hours in there.
I obsessed about others for 30 years. You can get your peace of mind back, I am living proof that it does work ~ I was so addicted/codependently on my mother and all boyfriends & anyione else in my life. Today i can think clearly and I have peace. I no longer try to jump through hoops to win peopl;e over & I have coping skills thanks to the love & support and my own hard work in al-anon on discovering the true *me*
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Hi M's Mummy.... (((((welcome))))) you are no longer alone.
I can sense your loneliness, and understand your panic.
You have a new baby and you need , and have a right to, the support of your husband....he will know this and as an A he will be carrying his own guilt over your situation....
Well done for posting, please keep reading and sharing and, as others have encouraged here, find a f2f meeting.
When I went ot my 1st f2f ....a few short weeks ago.... I nervously clasped that door-handle, and as I did I thought of the hands that clasped it before me... and I opened the door to those very same hands that shook mine in a warm welcome...
As others have said, try to focus on you and not what he does. Much easier to say than do, of course! Ten years ago, my AH said the same things. He wasn't like his father. He didn't drink too much. And like you, I was hesitant to leave our baby alone with him. Fast forward 10 years and two more kids: we're divorced, my kids and I live with my mother. He's living in a halfway house, sober almost three months, this time and hasn't held a job for more than few weeks in 2-1/2 years. Keep doing what YOU need to do for you and your baby. You're worth it.
You and the little one have a long row to hoe if AH doesn't get on the AA bandwagon. Hopefully he has a good relationship with his mom and will listen. If not, stay sane and do the best always for yourself, little one and your HP. Talk to HIM, as he will listen. Ask for His will to come over your AH and look for a miracle because it will be tough to break the family chain of alcoholism. They don't want to be this way - they argue because they want to hope against hope this hasn't happened to them. work the program - you really must for you, little one, and for him. It only 'works if you work it' serenity prayers
Welcome to the MIP family. Here you will find great exeperience, hope, strength, wisdom and humor (good for the ). I too had a functioning alcoholic. During his first marriage, he went to work and never touched a drop. We knew each other in college and he rarely drank. It wasn't until later in life that his alcoholism really bloomed.
A couple of things I always remind myself and the newbies: Your recovery has to be about you and for you, regardless if he chooses sobriety or not. It's about taking back your life and living the life you so richly deserve. It's about living strong. Your recovery is absolultely possible.
I am glad that your mother-in-law is so supportive of you. Hopefully both of you will be able to get to some face-to-face meetings. They are incredibly helpful. If you can't make it to local meetings please join us online here. Drop into the chat room and keep posting. I strongly suggest that you get One Day at a Time. It's a great book. Please keep coming back to us - glad you are part of our family. Much love and blessings to you and your family
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <--the cat
-- Edited by Karilynn at 07:37, 2009-03-06
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
So I decided, i am going to my first meeting on Tuesday. I even talked to my husband about it, and he was very supportive. He went to Al-anon meetings as a child because of his father.
Thank you all for making me feel so welcome. I finally understand that I am doing this for me and for our baby, and its not about him.
Here you will find great exeperience, hope, strength, wisdom and humor (good for the 
). I too had a functioning alcoholic. During his first marriage, he went to work and never touched a drop. We knew each other in college and he rarely drank. It wasn't until later in life that his alcoholism really bloomed. 