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Today is sit here...Starting my work day.. "As you can tell i am really buzy"... :)... I YET AGAIN...Allowed my Abrothers life, lifestyle, Drama, and Craziness disrupt my Serenity... Why do I do that ALL the time... I mean I know, "Codepentant", but when is enough, Really Enough... I love my brother dearly... "My Brother", NOT My Abrother... If that makes any since... I have no respect for him, and most days it is tough even having "Hope" for him... I know it is the disease, I know it is Definately a part of our blood line, but what ticks me off the most is..... I Still Feel It Is A CHOICE!!!! I too am/was an Alcoholic... And i am Very Proud of how far I have brought my life in the last 10 years..."I personally" could not look at my sons beautiful green eyes, and pick a bottle over him... Don't get me wrong.. I LOVED the bottle... but I loved him WAY more then I have ever loved in my life, even now nothing could top it!!! Why can't his children do the same for him... This is the same question I have when it comes to my AFather... He died with the bottle in his grip, Why couldn't his (5) children be the strength he needed to get off his A@@ and do something differant with his life... I chose to NOT Carry on the Family Name like that, I chose to lay cigarettes down, I chose not to do the drugs my father did, and be the person he was... My Brother was one of (2) people that got to lay there eyes on Dad when my Aunt Found him... Why would THAT ALONE, not make the light shine thru and say~~~~~ HEY... IS THIS HOW YOU WANT TO GO OUT!!!! ~~~~~These I think honestly are the things that Bug me Even more then the Money that I may have to pay... If I do I guess it is Gods will that I have this experience, I guess I just pray that God does not allow me to "Throw myself in front of the bus again"... Reframes me from even having the Desire, to be this stupid again!!!
Maybe I just need a Lift... A Chuv... A Kick start, to bring myself back up out of the hole that I keep finding a way to fall back in....
Any and all ESH I would love to hear... I know it is alot of questions, but honestly, that isn't all that I have :(
Your are right we all have choices. The love you felt for your child motivated you to choose sobriety. For others, the love for the child might evoke panic and fear over the responsibilities and cause them to turn to an escape. Understanding the alcoholic does not enable us to change anything in them.
Attendance at open AA meetings gave me great insight into alcoholism. I heard that only an alcoholic can truly understand another alcoholic and that is why AA works.
As a true Al-Anon person (who was perfect)I wanted the alcoholic to change so that I did not have to. Change is hard work for us as well as the alcoholic.
When I finally believed I was powerless over others, I had no other CHOICE but to pick up the simple tools offered by alanon and try ODAT to be the change I wanted to see in my world.
I'm sure you know every A has a different level of "bottom". I always say as long as someone is sticking a pillow under their butt they can't hit bottom. A soft landing just allows the disease to continue.
I'd be upset too if the GF bought a sectional instead of paid some bills (or her kid's lunches). I sure can't blame you there. After all, she lives there too, but no one ever said alcoholics have their priorities in line.
It is especially hard since there are children involved, but maybe being homeless (and in court) is the bottom your brother needs to get sober. The whole point is to make them responsible for their own choices, not try to figure out why they make them. Sometimes the hardest things for us to do are what's best for the alcoholic.
Will they have to lose the children to hit bottom? Maybe, but who is to say the kids wouldn't be better off? Those children are their responsibility, if they can't care for them then there is a problem. Remember, you can love someone to death by allowing.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
All those "why" questions seem to be centered around "why can't others in my family choose recovery exactly the same way I did?"...
Be thankful that you have found your way - that is truly awesome.... As for the rest of your family members, they have their own paths - some to recovery, some maybe not....
Step One reminds us that we cannot control people - neither their addictions NOR their sobriety & recovery.
You choosing the path you are choosing are doing them more good than you know - if you live your life relatively serene and sober, they WILL see that. They might not do anything about it, this very minute, but they WILL see it.
Keep taking care of you....
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
So much of understanding as taught in Al-Anon is "Keeping an open mind." For me that was turning off my voice in my head and listening and watching others "get it" before me and then wanting that for myself. I was taught that as long as I don't accept there will never be an answer to the question why?...just another question why? The suggestions...meetings, literature, steps, traditions, sponsor, a Higher Power always and repeating the suggestions over and over in practice.
As an acoa, used to think my love would be enough to save other people. That is not fair, unrealistic and impossible. Your brother has to take repsonsibility for himself, it is his choice.
It is wonderful & miraculous that YOU were able to stop drinking and put the love of your child over your compulsion - that was your choice, ability, experience.
YOU cannot save your brother. All u can do is focus on you - you can't think you are a good role model either - your brother may never decide to get clean.
It is up to each one of us to live our own lives. That is our only reposnibility, in the end, up to each one of us individually.
I used to wonder why my mother didn't do certain things too but all that does is, keeps us in old thinking that we falsely thought could or would help whatsoever and it take our own focus off of us.
Today I rather think of impossibl;e things to ponder like, why can't I be in three places at once; why can't I teleport myself; why can't I fly; why would seeing god probably make me busrt into flames; why can't I breathe under water & walk through fire; why doesn't love cure everything and everyone -- okay that was fun back to me & right now.
What can you do for you today? That is the most positive way I have to empower myself in my program - to ge tmy addicted-codie mind off of my family & friends & get it where it belongs. I try to replace a negative thought with a positive action.
Accept and detach, focus on YOU.
One day I finally relaized - I was NOT living by focusing on others - no one was in the driver's seat of my life b/c I was obsessed by other people. I am living my life today.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I also noticed when I took my critical attention off of others, it gave them more room & freedom and can also help to aid change for others - just an added benefit and a positive outcome for me to stay focsued on me. Because I wasn't putting off negative, watchful energy - everything around me improved.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Your right, i know mindfully that it is to be about me... I know what I have to do, I just step up and step back, like a stumbling block in time...I know it is out of my hands, and control. It is like I am almost addicted to the "addict"... Nice Yeah? I am so more lifted when I keep my power, and my spirit higher then my day, and keep HP at my shirt collar pushin me along..It is like when they Abrothers family) enter the circle of circomstance in my life, The Tenseness crawls up the back of my neck and into my head like a neon sign in a distance flashing... "I'm BACK"...And the weight returns...
This program has been a huge HUGE help in my "Dustin Off" and get'n back up.. I do feel like I get up quicker :) Just seems sometimes tho like the "Step Back" hurts alot harder anymore when things get off balance again... I guess as long as I stick too it I will get there... I pray for Strength and Courage everyday... But for Me and My Life...
I have to forget about June! And for get about water bills? Trailors? and whelp... Even ABrothers...And thats what I intend to do... The panic wont make it any easier, the stress wont make me feel any better, and the fact is ! It Will Be What It Is Weather I Stress Or Find Serenity... Soooo I at least have a direction, now I just have to get there....
F2F tonight, hoping that and the sunshine today will be enough :) If not, maybe a day at the River with my boys if its nice:) Thats what I need!!! Thanks again all.... Most Grateful :)
Do you read any biographies. If you read the biography of Bill Wilson, Lois Wilson's husband you can see how alcoholism still had a grip on him and he founded AA.
I no longer wonder why I had to let go of it. One of the many letting go's.
)I wanted the alcoholic to change 