The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I joined Alanon August '08 after my husband of 28 years revealed in couple's counseling that he was indeed craving alcohol and not just binge drinking any longer. He then announced he needed to move out and 'be alone' to sort it all out. A recovering AA buddy of his is letting him stay in his condo that is for sale--says he remembers the bad days he had and wants to help. After 5 months of pretty much the same he finally made a commitment to AA and has been sober 17 days or so and attends lots of meetings, but having depression issues and seeing a substance abuse/depression therapist weekly as well. He still has not moved back, still has night sweats and lots of trouble dealing with everything. We talk or text basically every hour or so every day. It is exhausting, but I'm hanging in there for him (and us I hope). The alchoholic behavior is still there even without the drinking, not to mention drinking buddies (some of which are not male) still crop up and make a basic zoo animal out of me from time to time - hense my 1st post last night regarding 'crisis'. I SUGGEST YOU READ 'FOR THE WIVES' CHAPTER IN AA BIG BOOK if you have these same hangers on. Hubby "doesn't know what he is doing", "can't imagine living life without me", etc. which leads me to not know what I'm doing and then vice versa. The 'good' days are basically when I'm following the Alanon steps and ignoring my stinkin' thinkin'. My sponsor is a Godsend who continues to help me sort out the difference between the disease and the individual and keeps me serene while still recognizing my rights and dignity. It's hard...I'm hanging on. We both work full time demanding management jobs and fitting everything in, along with my new love of running is a puzzle most days. We still have an 18 yr old at home, one in college and one a newlywed. They are confused as well..........lots of meetings - 3 a week....one week 4. I hear all other crazy stories and usually feel like my problems aren't as big as I think. Face to face meetings are wonderful. take 'a message and not a mess' and everyone leaves serene. love the posts....Gratitude prayers out to all of you!
Hello Diane , yur husband is what I lovingly call Stark raving sober !!! Thier head is all over the place change thier minds on an hourly basis body screaming for it's booze not pleasant to say the least , it takes along time for alcohol to leave thier system and even longer fr thier head to clear . Lower your expectations and you will both get thru this ok . You both have a prog and a sponsor if u want the same thing I believe u can achieve it . I did . Keep going to you meetings and if u can find the book Living with sobrety it will help u alot , also the Dilema of the Alcoholic Marriage is awsome speaks about sobriety and the impact it has on our lives , talks alot about communication what to do and what not to do both were invaluable to me in recovery. both are printed by Al-Anon yur local literature depot should have copies u can purchase . For your sake never compare your pain to anyone elses , we tend to minimize . also never compare your recovery to anyone elses . we get it when we get it period . good luck take care of you Let AA and God take care of hubby and Al-Anon and God take care of you . Louise
Well, so you were the only brave soul that replied to my post? a little too real for words maybe....just being honest. your one reply was just what I needed though! I thank you...I do already have the Dilemma of....book. I'm looking for Living with..... tomorrow at my back to back newcomer/regular meeting. It is a wonderful one that runs 6:45 up until 8:30....such wisdom in that room. I feel so proud and happy when we wrap a newcomer in our Alanon 'warm fuzzy blanket' and offer them up for the HP to enlighten. serenity and a gratitude prayer goes out to you Abbyal, my lone little reply...you were a Godsend and I'm hanging in there.
I had a highly dependent life with the ex A. My whole day, months, life revolved around him. The dependency continued after he moved out or rather our life imploded. Then I started to be able to turn him over to his hp. I really did believe the ex A needed me and would not survive without me. I make a point right now of not knowing where he is or what he is doing, or how he is (although I can imagine). The tight rein did a lot for me in making me feel needed and connected but it really was as you say so well exhausted!!!
I am glad you have so much support. I know this board, al anon meetings and a great sponsor help me. I am no longer with the ex A but for me letting go was very very difficult to do. I believe 2 years out I am just beginning to carve a life that doesn't center all around him or rather all around where his addiction took both of us.
I still think of him of course, daily but he is no longe rin every single thought and action.
