The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Its like walking on eggshells. What is this about? Why am I so afraid to be who I am at my job? I guess its because if they do not approve or "like" me, they can fire me or ask me to leave. Its like there is this whole subtext there that I do not "get" and it keeps tripping me up- rules that no one talks about, silent assumptions, it seems so full of land mines. Its pretty mysterious to me, at times. I never know when I am going to find myself stepping in dog doo, you know what I mean? I am breaking "rules" and crossing boundaries that I do not know about or am not aware of...how can I raise my level of awareness? How can I read people's minds? Why should I have to do this?
I guess here are my options: be who I am and let the chips fall where they may. Or act/move very slowly and cautiously and bother a lot of people with a lot of questions which slows me down and undermines my autonomy (for now). What other options do you see?
It doesnt feel OK to make a single mistake or false move in this environment. Am I imagining this or is it real? How can I tell? Any ESH would be greatly appreciated. J.
My counselor just reminded me yesterday to be the best me that I can be. To me that means to be myself, but to try to act in ways that are considerate and honest and to communicate effectively. More later, but I have to go to work now. Think about how you would communicate the questions you have telling people that you want to be successful, that you don't want to break the rules, so, you really would like their help. Ask questions and show you care. These are my challenges to myself!
To me, I would rather have a manager ask questions rather than appear to "know it all". We just hired a new manager and they haven't been with the company very long. This person has never worked this particular type of business. He comes across not as a person in authority but rather looking stupid and arrogant because he's too wrapped up in his own ego to ask questions that no one would consider dumb. I'm not suggesting that this is you. Hardly. I'm just giving you an example.
I know for me, sometimes I am so worried that I'm not doing my job, that I forget to do my job. I know that I can sabotage myself that way. Once I catch myself doing that, then I can say the Serenity Prayer and get back to the business at hand. I have to remind myself that I can do this job. I have done this job. I still ask questions and I don't care if I come off to some as looking stupid. That's their opinion of me. I still ask questions, because sometimes policies change (and the memo doesn't go out) or I'm just not sure. It also sends a message that I want to do well.
I think you have to be true to who Jean is. You were obviously talented, strong and qualified enough to get this job in the first place. What would you tell another person if they were in your place? Sometimes flipping the question that way, leads you to the answers you are looking for. You'll be okay. I have great faith in you. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I agree with what db55 said about just being yourself. The "myself" I am at work is slightly different than the one I am outside of work. At work I have to maintain a level of professionalism. Not knowing all the "rules" that seem to exist outside of your job description is certainly no crime. Do not fall into the trap of blaming yourself or feeling shame if you happen to "break" a rule that you do not know exists.
Perhaps a conversation with your supervisor might help, explaining your desire to do a good job but that you would like some feedback about things which your supervisor sees that you could improve on.
And ask those questions! I used to hate to ask anything! I thought it made me look stupid. I don't know how many times I have heard from different people "the only stupid question is the one you dont ask".
Alanon has taught me I don't have all the answers about anything. Asking a legitimate question is not "bothering" someone. It is trying to improve myself!
I have never been good professionally. I have always felt like I get screwed, never see it coming, and don't know what my options are. Since being in the program I have better boundaries to protect them from me and me from them. Things go alot better. Most of the time I just agree with them. Yup, your're right, I screwed up. By the time I get home the thoughts are gone, gone, and gone. This took time but it is possible.
I hate realizing again and again, that the whole world is crazy.
Nevertheless, we have to function in it. Where I work, if I go by the book, they say, "You could've done it differently." And if I do that, they ask, "Who gave you the authority?" Today, I'm not stressing about this crazymaking. They're crazy! Changing the rules and having to read minds is an unrealistic expectation.
I think it was you, Jean, who once wrote, "when I keep my HP close, I can be close to the A's (or other crazymakers) in my life."
So, remember who the REAL BOSS is. Apply the principles in all our affairs and let the Boss take care of the rest.
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Wow Jean, sounds like you and I work in the same place.......and after 11 years there I still don't have any answers. I try to be just me and let the chips fall where they may. All I can offer to anyone is what I am and the best I can be. It's sooo hard to work in that kind of environment and not be happy and know that those 8 hours can drag on forever somedays.....I try to remind myself daily that I am blessed to have a good job........I could be dressed the like the Statue of Liberty, standing on the corner down the street, trying to drum up business for Liberty Taxes......It could be worse for me and when I get down about the place and the people and the gossip and games, I try to remind myself that I am never alone there...........HP is right by my side even when I get tested.
keeping it simple shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
I be myself and let the chips fall where they may. Even if I lose the job there's another one around the corner. I am also really good at reading people so I pay attention to what's going on around me and who is really in charge and follow their lead. I'm friendly to everyone unless they're repeatedly nasty and then I match them. I am never afraid to ask questions or look stupid, I really don't care what people think most of the time. I don't allow myself to be walked on in a job I make it clear what I will and will not accept and if it's important to me I don't compromise.
Example: I put in a request last week to go to a conference in May. I have continuing education units required for my job and we are being audited in June and I have none at this point. The director of the organization (who is my supervisor's supervisor) calls me and says why did you put down 8 hours of comp time for the conference. I explain that the driving time will be 6-8 hours and I'm guessing. She proceeds to give me crap about the organization paying comp time for me to drive there when they are paying for food, room, car, etc and asks me why they should pay me for that. I simply say because it's required for my job. Then she asks if I'm going to pay for the conference (it's 15$ all the other stuff is the expense) I tell her no. I NEVER say ok, I won't take the comp time. I am FULLY prepared to say ok nevermind I just won't go then. In the end she takes off the comp time and tells me to just put it on my time sheet and not on the request form. I refuse to be bullied and I refuse to give up my time for my job unpaid. I have to leave on a Sunday night for this conference and come back the next night and there is NO way I'm spending 6-8 hours driving out of the goodness in my heart. That's time away from my family, doing something I really don't want to be doing and I can take it or leave it.
