The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is my first response. I just found this forum a few minutes ago! I've been in Alanon for about 6 months - 3 meetings a week usually.
Anyway, I'm supposed to be the one that 'gets' it so many of the long-timers in Alanon told me anyway. Everyone has been so amazed that I've been sticking to all of the literature and making positive changes with my qualifier (my husband of 29 yrs).
Well - I blew it today! The person that 'gets' it blew it. I created a crisis-which is on the bookmark Alanon has on DETACHMENT. Boy did I blow it. I ended up calling my sponsor after about 5 hrs of really blowing it with my husband via phone and email, yet it was still unknown to me at the time.
She gently told me how badly I had blown it and that I needed to get back to center and serenity and remember that I was addressing the disease and not my qualifier and giving him no dignity to even have space to correct some of his actions himself.
I feel terrible and have apologized and come back to 'center' and serenity. How I could have done this to a man that now has 17 days of sobriety is beyond me! please learn from my post and don't risk someones sobriety with anything that shouldn't be your business. Thank goodness he has not had a drink...probably just stunned that I went overboard since I most usually have a really good sense of serenity. Of course, I was a wife that argued with our marriage counselor when he kept bringing the conversations back to alcohol. I was SO serene for years I didn't even notice my husband even was an alcoholic. I've learned volumes over the last few months. See he was a binge drinker and then was hiding little nips here and there at night. I really had no clue until I realized I was the only one arguing with the counselor. He was sitting there practically crying. what lessons we must learn! Thanks for this forum-----as we say in our meetings --- "try to bring the message and not the mess" Love....
thanks for sharing...don't be too harsh on yourself...remember it is progress not perfection...keep working the program and working on you. Take it one day at a time and turn your hubby over to his HP.
In my thoughts and prayers, Brightmommy
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"if you can't say nothing nice, don't say nothing at all!!"
Diane, I for one am new and just the fact that you stopped, reached out to your sponser and realize you backslide a bit is encouraging to me. So dont be hard on yourself, i actually learned alot from your post. When we find our self going to old behavoir the important thing is that we admit it, and move on. we cant expect ourselves to be perfect for we are human.....Congrats on jumping back on the serenity wagon :)
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What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself. Hecato, Greek philosopher
Aloha DB and welcome to the forum also. You might want to print out your post on blowin it and use it as a book mark for the ODAT or Courage to Change or Hope for Today that you are reading cause since this is not a perfection journey but just progressively putting one foot in front of the other for just a day at a time or less, there will be other surprises coming. We don't become less human we become more humble and you said that you apologized soooo WOW!! Thats the thing I needed to learn when I got here rather than justify the crises and turn an ant hill into a mountain.
If he is working his program as suggested he is responsible for his sobriety whether you have fallen off the trail or not. Besides he has probably already figured out that "it" hasn't all been handled yet.
Keep coming back and going to your meetings and working your program.
(((((Diane))))) thanks for sharing.....it's always nice to hear someone's ESH. Sounds like you are doing well and just had a bit of a tough time-WE ALL DO-so don't be so hard on yourself ok?
Welcome to MIP~~~ keep coming back
your friend in recovery shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
I was told the same things after a few months in Al-Anon. How quick I got "it". It made me feel good. I thought what a easy program. How wrong I was. I realized I was like a small sponge and this disease was like an ocean. I found out quickly that it was impossible to absorb all the waves the ocean of this disease can send your way. I made lots of mistakes and still do, but in Al-Anon I learned we are allowed to make mistakes and learn from them.
Do not be so hard on yourself. Progress not perfection. Al-Anon does not give out diplomas. I have been in the program for 2 1/2 years and no matter how far I think I have come the disease continues to humble me. We can never forget we are just as sick as the alocholic in our lives. I will continue to work the program, and absorb as much as I can, always remembering I will make mistakes. But, what a wonderful program.
I would venture a guess that before you got into the program you would not have looked a your situation as a case of "I blew it". Now it is easier to look at both sides of the fence see our mistakes. That is exactly what you did. So forgive yourself, your HP already has.
"Progress not perfection. Al-Anon does not give out diplomas." Amen, to that as well. There is always tomorrow. Remember step 10...Continue to take personal inventory and WHEN ~not if~we were wrong propmtly admitted it. Its like they knew there would be slips, so they gave an answer on what to do!
Keep coming Back! Love Julie
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Never allow someone to be your priority, while allowing yourself to be their option.
first of all I absolutely don't believe that I "risk" anyone's sobriety at any time. A recovering alcoholic and addict is absolutely responsible for their own sobriety otherwise no one is. I can imagine there are certain enviornments that are more healthy to be in. At the same time we're all human.
No one here is anything like perfect all the time. There are times when I feel serenity and at other times I'm not feeling serene at all. I try to surround myself with people who will get me back on track.
