The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is not about the alcoholic in my life. This is about me. I had a phone call today from the aunt I am not very happy with. That aunt/uncle are the ones that sold the business out from underneath my son recently and my dad too. She first asked if I was still talking to her and the adult that I am, said yes. Well, I am not going to go into the conversation, but she and my uncle recently visited my parents. My dad emailed my aunt something that was quite a shock. Being I am the one who needs to be in charge of my parents, my aunt felt she needed to call me.
My dad is making some impulsive decisions. I know it has to do with my mom's alzheimers and his poor health. I have to call him today and talk with him. I never have had to take this role with my dad before. I know it was coming though now that I am almost 50 and they are in their 70s. My one brother still has disowned all of us and we still don't know why. My other brother is working and living his life but had a heart attack at 49 and is not in the best of health. The doctors had to let mother nature take it's course and barely found any way to help him. He is doing well but actually is a walking time bomb. We all live in different states.
I feel my dad is depressed. He is a person that thinks through things and has owned his own businesses over his lifetime. I do not think he is thinking clearly now. I am just asking that you all send positive thoughts my way or prayers today for me to resolve this issue. My dad is a very stubborn man who is use to getting his way. I am not sure how he will react to what I need to say to him. I will go over the different pros and cons with him and hope he sees that he does not need to be impulsive. My kids are my dad's only grandkids too. My daughter's alcoholism has been just as hard on them as me too. I really think he is acting out of the insanity of that and out of the insanity of what his younger brother did to him and my son recently. He definately is not thinking of himself. I feel he has given up living too. I did post about his 2 life crisis when we almost lost him a few months back. So much has happened in such a short time.
Well, I guess this post is for me to vent too. I decided to wait a few hours before I call and will do some praying when I am done here too. Thanks for listening and sending the positive thoughts and prayers. cdb
I know how difficult it is as our parent's age, the roles somewhat reverse. The final decision will be yours how ever you choose to handle what problems arise as each scenario is different. I will suggest if you feel your father is losing grip of reality perhaps you can speak it over with your siblings to see what is out there for assistance in this case, or even be signed as power of attorney so both your mom and dad can live their lives out in peace and some serenity. Wishing you the best, I know how difficult this can be, as I watched my mother suffer endlessly with cancer, and there was nothing I could do...........................gardengal
I'm thinking and praying for you and your family. It has to be hard to have to become the caregiver in a situation with parents. But I guess it comes with the circle of life.
I am sure you will find the strength to handle it gently and honestly and hopefully all will work out for the best.
Also You are right to are a big person to still speak to that aunt, way to go :).
Thank you all for your support. I am grateful I waited to call until later today. I did talk to a very supportive person in the chatroom and that helped before I called. It was of course a sad call. It has to do with my dad feeling like he will not live long etc. My mom was on the phone too. I was able to voice my opinion etc. Such as, he does not know if a medication will help him, etc. I am so glad I felt like I had prayers and your thoughts while I talked. Thanks so much, cdb :) gosh it is hard to get old :(
I have already been through the difficulties and challenges of having had at least one elderly parent. When I was 17 my father who was around 70 took ill with terminal prostate cancer and my mother, my sister, I and our dear neighbor at the time all took turns caring for him at home. He was 72 when he finally passed, after the doctors gave him 2 months he lived for 2 years. His will to live was very strong. That was a very difficult time in my life and alot of people in school didn't even know what was going on with me, since I didn't express my feelings hardly at all, just marched right on through with life. I wish I would have known about support groups back then. This was in 1977-1980. Seems like ions ago now. My mom also had medical challenges, her doctor said she was a walking miracle, she had life threatening thromosis when I was about 9 (mulitple blood clots) and I had no idea how close to death she had actually gotten. After that she always had trouble walking for extended periods of time but she just continued on even though she couldn't work anymore. This with also only one functioning kidney (her other kidney never fully developed) So when people talk about aging parents I knew all about that at an early age. My other half still has his parents at 56. They are both turning 82 this year but I see them slowing down and eventually he and his sister as their only surviving children may have to make some decisions down the line. Dana
