The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My 21 year old is in deep with drugs it appears. She hit a deer with her car, again. She received a $1600 check from insurance. She took the check, did not get the car repaired and has disapeared. She is not answering our calls or text messages. Now work called and says she hasn't shown up there. chances are she's out on a binge. Often she is late to work, but does show up. Got fired from her last job for stealing, now most likely this job is gone as well. She watched a close friend die from an overdose. Some say she was the one who purchased the cough medicine that he took. She was 19 at the time and he was only 17. Daughter says she didn't, that he shoplifted them all the time. Since this, her drug use has increasingly gotten worse. I am losing sleep over this, and am physically ill. I took a personal day from work today, but can't do that every day. I blame myself for her turning out the way she did. I am in recovery myself, struggle with social anxiety and ptsd. I know blaming myself only makes it worse and makes me want to use, but I seem to keep going back there. I remind myself that I have 2 other children. One very well adjusted, the other a 16 year old boy, who is quiet and shy and prefers t.v. and video games over hanging out with friends, he says thats just boring. He wants nothing to do with drinking or drugs right now so that's a plus. I am am woried that my 21 year old may be hurt, ODed or in trouble. Not sure when to contact police, since her disapearing is common, though not showing up t o work isn't. With all that money she may feel she doesn't need to work awhile and can just party. When would you call the athorities? I am a mess. Thanks for letting me vent and appreciate any experience, strength and hope. thanks from a worried mom.
I am very sorry you are going through this. I can only tell you what worked for me with my son. Give her to HP. I had to keep telling myself that where ever he was and what ever condition he was in was where he needed to be so HP could work on him. I cannot tell you when you should call the police to report her missing. Hopefully nothing is wrong and she is ok but if she is not than hopefully it is something that will make her hit her bottom. Say the serenity prayer over and over and picture HP's arms around her. Take care of you. You are not in control of what she is going through.
((((gimmpy))))) First and most importantly you are NOT to blame for anyone else's choices. NOT EVER! If you child is using that is their choice, and you already realize that as you mentioned your other children are well adjusted. You really have to focus on your other children and yourself right now....as hard as that is to do.
You should contact authorities when YOU feel that is what should be done, depending on your location there are certain conditions that must be met prior to reporting someone missing, but you can always call and find out.
Please take care of you and keep coming back and posting. Your daughter has her own HP to look after her and as hard as it is for us to do at times, we have to let them hit their bottom and accept responsibility for their actions.
Keep coming back-it truly does work if you work it.....
your friend in recovery
shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Are you in al anon, do you go to meetings. There are meetings here twice a day. There is also a chat room here. I know when I was physically ill from anxiety it was hard going. I had to find something to soothe me. Of course you are going out of your mind with anxiety who wouldn't be. Have you checked out the book Getting them Sober? There is a link for that book on the top of this page.
When I first got here I felt entirely responsible for an addict. I was so sick with anxiety I could barely sleep, couldn't eat, felt sick with worry all the time over what he might do. He did all of them of course he did every single thing I worried he might.
The most important thing is for you to feel supported, cared for, loved and taken care of right now. We have a saying in Al anon we didn't cause it, we can't control it and we can't sure it.
Be good to yourself right now, this is a hard hard time. There is no getting round it. When an addict goes out it hurts really bad. We can get tools from al anon to help but generally those tools take a while to get in place. I know I've been years polishing my tools. Guess what I have lots of bad days till. I don't have the same excruiating pain I once did but some days are pretty hard.
Hello and welcome , please find some meetings in your area you need support from people with skin on em , this board and room are great but nothing like the real meeting experience , u miss so much of the program by not attending f2f meetings , if u want to help your daughter help yourself first . You will meet people who have been where your at and will share thier recovery with you. Your daughter will do what she has to do nothing u do will change a thing , we cannot love them back to health ,this is a disease and it is running her life at the moment , you don't have to let it run yours . tol free number for meetings in your area 1-888-4alanon lines are open from 8am - 6 pm mon thru friday . for me getting my own program is the best way to support the alcoholics in our lives . This is a family disease it affects your other children as well , u will need to be strong when and if she decides she is done . Any thing we do to try and stop this disease is doomed to fail because we are trying to fix a problem that has nothing to do with us , we are not the reason they drink . Louise
thanks everyone for your replys. I did get to an alanon meeting today. It is helpful. And I found my daughter, strung out on heroin. She admitted it though. Said she would be willing to talk with someone. it's a first step, see if she follows through. But she admitted it. thanks again for the ESH.
