The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was reminded the other day (and likely every day), of how much the perspectives that WE bring to every situation affect us, and our ability to manage / accept situations, people, etc....
It reminded me of a great story from John Gray - author of the Mars & Venus books.... One of his self-help tapes was on the matter of perspectives, and he was speaking to a live audience... He asked for a show of hands, asking how many people had stepped off a curb, and almost been hit by a car..... Of course, many in the audience had shared this experience..... He went onto say that before he learned about perspectives, events like this would literally ruin his day..... he would shake his fist (or finger) at the offending driver.... then go into work and relive the incident with his co-workers - getting himself all upset again in the process.... he then repeated this again when he called his wife, and told her about the incident...... then when he had a group over for dinner that evening, the story got repeated yet again.... In his words, this incident literally "ruined his entire day". With his renewed perspective, he claims to now be able to accept such situations in a totally different light - so if the same thing were to happen today, he'd be able to step back and say to himself "hey John, pretty good reflexes for an old guy!". With this, he'd walk away from the incident, it would NOT ruin his day, and his outlook towards himself and others was unscathed....
I think Al-Anon, and our associated recovery, is a LOT about perspectives.... Nope, we can't control other people, but we CAN control a lot of what we bring to the table.... Like John's analogy, we sometimes have to "step out of the way of moving vehicles", but I think we need to remember that we DO have that ability, in most situations....
Alcoholism/addiction tends to cloud this over for most of us, and the tools we learn here, and elsewhere, help us get ourselves better.....
Take care, Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thanks Tom for sharing that.......really insightful and makes perfect sense. I used to the same thing, still have on occassion.....and it does ruin the ENTIRE day. Why do that to ourselves when we have the power to control US???
keeping it simple shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
CG Thanks for a great program share. How true that the simple tools I learned in alanon enabled me to change my negative perspective.
The wisdom of the slogans repeated over and over when I found myself going for my old negative tools resulted in an amazing change in my attitude. I no longer enjoyed the drama and found I enjoyed living in the solution with serenity and peace. Naturally, I am reminded that it is progress not perfection and these tools are my lifeline I am not cured- I too have a daily reprieve as long as I pratice this program in all my affairs.
This thread has triggered some thoughts in me from Eckhart Tolle:
"In Shakespeare's words, "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
"...Suffering or negativity is often misperceived by the ego as pleasure because up to a point, the ego strengthens itself through it....
"Whenever you are in a negative state, there is something in you that wants the negativity, that perceives it as pleasurable, or that believes it will get you what you want. Otherwise, who would want to hang on to negativity, make themselves and other miserable, and create disease in the body? So whenever there is negativity in you, if you can be aware at that moment that there is something in you that takes pleasure in it or believes it has a useful purpose, you are becoming aware of the ego directly. The moment this happens, your identity has shifted from ego to awareness. This means the ego is shrinking and awareness is growing."
Recently, I thought of these words when I thought of step 6. I have found that sometimes, I am NOT entirely ready to have God remove my character defects. How crazy is that? Just like Shelly asks, why do that to ourselves?
The 12 steps are very wise. They work at turning my ego inside out.
I'm grateful for the post, Tom.
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I agree, it is just as easy to be positive about a situation as it is to be negative, and a lot less stressful. I find that it is easier to make lite at those times, laugh and go on with your life. Just last week a car pulled out in front of me and I almost hit him broad side. I was able to stop short of him by only a few feet. I looked over at the friend who was riding with me and said, "If we were cats we would only have 8 lives left". We laughed and continued the conversation we were having. Later that day my friend related the story twice to other friends about the first thing I had said after the "almost accident". We had fun with the story. Laughter is indeed the best medicine, and so much better for your serenity.
Aloha CG...I love information on perspectives. It is how I have learned to change and accept new information and support. I have learned the "RLC" method of response to fearful events and the consequences have been calm and serene states.
This is a great post and I hope many other members allow themselves to respond to it with all of their different perspectives.
Mahalo (((((CG))))) and those who have given feedback.
PS...If I wanted to take a wholistic perspective from my experiences I could see the situation from the driver of the car, the person standing next to me, the one across the street and more.
Those moments are what I call "illusions". Everything is an illusion until you make it whatever you choose it to be. It sure helps to live in the NOW instead of dragging stuff around with you like a ball and chain. Great post!
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I would hug you close if I were over there instead of being over here in cold, wet, windy England.
I am so grateful for your timely share...I have been working hard on letting go of negativity within situations and learning how to walk away from any situation that might bring me down if I CHOOSE TO LET IT.
This is the same thing, look for the good in the situation, and let go instead of simply reliving the situation until it wears me down.
Long live the serenity of the moment that breaks that grip on negativity.
Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
