The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I hope you have all had a good weekend. To those of you that are in the path of the northeast snowstorm, stay safe. Please feel free to send some of it my way. I'm just slightly too far west of it to get any - maybe a flurry or two. You all know how much I love the snow.
Anyway, my niece and I were having a discussion about addicts and codependents. Her father wants to meet and talk with her w/o her boyfriend present. (I would prefer they do it some place public so he has to behave.) I was reminding her that addicts have this great way of manipulating people to get what they want, and how it's all about them. She asked to explain. I was bumfuzzled for a few moments.
Then it suddenly dawned on me that addicts behave much in the way cat do. Codependents behave much like the way dogs do. Cats are independent, loving when they want to be, moody, and very cunning. (I say this with great love for you all know I have the best Pipers Kitty in the world! ) When they want something, they want something NOW, not yesterday, not tomorrow or 10 minutes from now, they want it NOW. Heaven forbid they don't get their way. They will not stop until they get it. For addicts, the world revolves around them and their disease. Same way with cats - ever watch a cat hunt? Or in Piper's case when she wants to get up and be fed, she will pounce on the bed and walk all over me till I get up! Sounds like an addict to me. Poke the codependent until they get what they want. As owners, spouses and other family members we have to be careful not to enable them. Dogs just want to be loved. They will do anything to be loved. When you tell them to jump, they jump. How many times did I jump when Tim wanted something or because I thought it would make him love me more? They will follow you around until you HAVE to pay attention to them.
Cats? Addicts? You don't like me? Okay, I can live without you. I'll ignore you till you feel bad. Then it's up to you to make me feel better so you can feel better about yourself. Here, I'll love you for a little while but when I'm done with you, I'm done. I do what I like when I like without feeling bad. Cats have detachment down pat!
Now don't get me wrong, I think it is great to be independent. How many times have I posted about allowing ourselves to have Piper Kitty days? There is great virture in being independent and selfish. We have to be cat like in our approach to recovery. We have to make it about us. Otherwise we turn ourselves back into that sweet old dog who doesn't know any better. Just give me love and I'll be yours for life. Make sense? After this discussion with my niece, she got it! She told me I should post it, so here it is. Any additional thoughts would be appreciated.
Here's to our furry friends, who ask so little of us and teach us so much. Much love and blessings to them and to my family here.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
-- Edited by Karilynn at 08:18, 2009-03-02
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I have never thought of that, but ya know... That is soooo True... I have a kitty of my own that will be 15 this Easter... She is all about, getting what she wants and When!!! And she does not stop until she does....
And I have (3) dogs, that dont want any thing more then, my love and affection....And most nights my Lap...lol...
Thanks for helping me, explain to others... Good going... Thank Pipers Kitty as well, for i am sure kitty had a hand in it...
Sorry Karilynn, I can't answer your post. My black lab who is with me 24/7 is wanting me to love on her at this moment. I know you understand. Then I have to throw her ball so she can fetch it 8 or 10 times. Yes, definitely I agree with your post. LOL
I absolutely love this analogy you have given to addicts vs. codependents...cats and dogs...and sometimes we "fight like cats and dogs" too... But it is so true addicts and cats are both known to use manipulation to get the things they want...and have a wide variety of vocaliztions from meowing, purring, hissing, growling, squeaking, and grunting...sometimes they love you and purr and other times they growl and hiss...cats also like to "stray" as do addicts at times... Dogs and codependants...they sometimes are silent...they are trainable...both by other human beings...seems that the codependants and dogs are always trying to "please" the loved ones...sometimes we as codependants isolate ourself and can be content like that...dogs are content being isolated in a crate too... I just love the analogy...Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us!!
brightmommy
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"if you can't say nothing nice, don't say nothing at all!!"
I love your story. I relate to the dog role of becoming content and staying home (from meetings). Then when the cat pushes my buttons so much that all I can think about is the cat is causing every problem in my life. Then I find my way back to Al-anon to regain serenity and to remember the cat is just a cat. Your story is powerful and thank you for sharing it.
Karilynn...... What a WONDERFUL analogy!!! I never really gave it much thought before but you are dead on the money on this one......I have 3 cats and 3 dogs and the personalities of cats could not be any more "addict like"-which might explain why my EXABF is a cat hater-lol!!
Thanks for posting this.......a real eye opener! your friend in recovery shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Hmmm..so I'm wondering what it means that my new rescue Jack Russell (Jack) drug Louie's dog bed out of his crate, through the doggie door and on to the deck.
I think it just means I must be insane to have two JRT's!!!
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Cats are independent, loving when they want to be, moody, and very cunning. (I say this with great love for you all know I have the best Pipers Kitty in the world! 
) When they want something, they want something NOW, not yesterday, not tomorrow or 10 minutes from now, they want it NOW. Heaven forbid they don't get their way. They will not stop until they get it. For addicts, the world revolves around them and their disease. Same way with cats - ever watch a cat hunt? Or in Piper's case when she wants to get up and be fed, she will pounce on the bed and walk all over me till I get up! Sounds like an addict to me. Poke the codependent until they get what they want. As owners, spouses and other family members we have to be careful not to enable them. 
