The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well... It has been an Up & Down kind of weekend...Never boring that is for sure...Friday I had read in my devotional books that I should conquer my fears...Well I couldn't think of any...lol... Well 100% of the time since I started F2F meeting it has been my Sister in law... (Which I love that we share that)... But this week she has something to do, and I was pretty much going to stay home because of it... Well I desided against it and thought... "Prove ya can do it on your own, she can't always be there"... So I went... WELL... it was pretty funny to know the my HP has a sense of humor as well...
When I got there, I was the 1st one...So I did what we usually do to start the meeting, get our signs up, make the hot water, get out our books, and all that... well couple minutes later, I "New" lady comes up stairs, her husband walked her up and he introduced us, and I invited her in, and attemped Small talk.. Her husband went down to the AA, and well... I started to get Nervous as could be...The anxioty of being the "ONLY LEAD" I was ready to find me a hole to crawl in...It was 2 minutes till, I had the room set but boy I was scared to death... I never was much of a speaker so sharing at all usually always brings me HUGE Anxioty...It is now 1 minute till... and the door opens and I about fall over... Behind it is Not One but (4) more...lol...I guess the HP was reminding me of my "FEARS" that I didn't know about!!!! Ouch....Lesson Learned...
Sat. was starting out pretty good, got together with some family for breakfast, (About 30 of us)... We laughed and enjoyed each others company for a good 2 hours.. .it was nice, Left there drop'd off my son at his Aunts to spend the night, and headed home to head up for an evenning out with my husband for a nice dinner...On the way we stopped off and shoot (2) games of pool which I LOVE TO DO... Then we road out some unbeleivable beautiful Roads in (3) states...Just talking and enjoying the day... Was heading to eat, and I got a call that my Nephew (my son was staying with) had to go to the ER... My heart sunk...For all involved...Mostly the fear for my nephew, but I also knew that his Mother was a wreck, my son was upset, (For they are SUPER Close)... I was 3 states away and Could not get to them...
My caretakingness... ALWAYS throws me in to "Take over mode", and well... there wasn't nothing I could do...But worry... I'm pretty good at that one...We were at the rest. pretty much textin all thru dinner, just updating each other...Arranging rides for my boy if he needed, and getting everything in "Check" from a far...
Thank God My Nephew is doing much better, and he and my son ended their day today on a happier note... they go tpo hang out and enjoy the day and good food...
I came home last night, overwhelmed, releaved, and Blessed of all things....lol...I guess I learned another fear as the day went on... "Scared to NOT BE HERE" went something happens!!! How do you over come that... I had this same fear as a child and damn near NEver left home... I don't want to go there again... But I guess I need to find ways to over come it as I have many things in my life... I just sometimes feel like if I am not overwhelmed at least once or twice a day, it just wasn't a day I remember...
I know I am blabbering, I just wanted to get it out of my head... Reminding myself of "Couple"more of my fears, that I forgot about... Funny how things turn out, when you think there is no more to be found...Just keep discovering more and more about me... Some I would like to forget...lol....
Just a suggestion not a mandate by any means. Melody Beattie has a great new book called The New Codependency. The section on guilt is very very helpful. Why not try asking for some help for you?
