The material presented
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Well today is my son's birthday and I was bound and determined last night that I would not project and worry my way through it....but here I am so I must need some ESH.
I'm having quit the time staying focused.....but am diggin in with both feet and trying.
To update a bit, my EXABF sent me an email and asked me out to dinner-a date-yep. However it is not til the first day of Spring (who knows why but I'm glad as it gives me more time to focus on me and work the program) I'm glad that he is finding his way in all of this, and wants to talk, etc, but there is a part of me that thinks......"I finished the 12 steps on Sunday and on Thursday he is asking me out" Again trying not to understand EXABF's thinking but either he was staying away until I got through the steps which is admirable I think, or it's like now I am through them and "good enough". Does that make any sense? But I don't even think that is the reason for my struggling.....I'm a single mom, and my son goes in braces next Thursday, we struggle to get by all the time but when I get support we are fine, my pay is not enough on it's own. I usually get my child support from his father (who has ALWAYS been absent from our lives, and I have usually ALWAYS had to fight with/track him down to get the support) every Weds. Well Weds came and went and so did Thursday and Friday and still no support. I can't even call and file a report about it UNTIL it is 30 days behind, and I am PETRIFIED right now....What if his father lost his job? What if he changed jobs again and I have to wait another 90 days for someone to track him down? What if he got hurt and can't work again? As you can see the WHAT IF"S are crashing in all around me right now, and to be honest I am worried.......and I am worrying about tomorrow and something I have no control over, INSTEAD of trusting that my HP will take care of things....... So as you can see.......I need some help getting my focus back on track......I know that trusting my HP is the way to go, and that is what I need to do but I am WORRYING about paying bills next week and his braces and how I can do it all alone if I have to......
Any ESH would be GREATLY appreciated........I want to get out of this funk and not let it overcome my son's day today......He only turns 12 once......
Thanks MIP family for listening Shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Give your son a big hug for me on his birthday. I am a single mom too, and struggle to make ends meet. I have an 11 year old daughter that will turn 12 in June, so I can relate to you in many ways. I am lucky that my ex-husband pays his child support, but it is not much $250. per month. He has a better paying job now and I need to do the footwork to get him to pay more. I envy you in that you have the guts to track your ex-hubby down if need be. I guess I would too, if I had too, but there is so much paperwork.
I wish I could give you more e,s & h, but maybe someone in these rooms has had more experience than me in dealing with tracking down dead-beat dads. I can tell you this though, you are right to turn it over to your HP and pray for his guidance and to keep the calm in the storm. For your son's sake, stay in today and Just for today live for this day only. Your son will thank you for it.
Shelly, I am a single mom also and i can so relate. Some months i get the child support, some I dont. Around this time last year i didnt get a check for 4 months and thought we would starve to death. Looking back now, i realize my HP was looking out for us. I got a check in the mail during that time from an old friend who i had loaned money to years ago. I never expected to hear from her again but guess what m my HP knew it was coming.We made it through and you will too :) I know it is so hard to turn it over, as we are responsible for our kids but always know there is someone looking out for you also.
Enjoy todays special day! It is the here and now and tomorrow will take care of itself :)
Sending prayers your way
Hope
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What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself. Hecato, Greek philosopher
You were always *good enough * what ever his problem is u don't have to take it on . Allowing yourself to be yourself is one of the biggest gifts we recieve here , flaws and all . have a good one Louise
pretty tough stuff. Lots of people are of course in this mode because of the bad economy. I think for me personally the issue is I have to have more than one way of getting money. Right now I am about to take a part time job not because I realy want to but because I need to diversify my income strains.
Can you brain storm what your choices are, if you just had a little bit of money coming from other sources it would help. In addiiton keep in mind while it takes forever and then some to collect child support the consequences of not paying it are huge, loss of license and more. There is a light on it.
For many of us it is an incredible struggle when we deal with an active alcoholic. I know why I recommitted and recommitted because I knew leaving would be absolutely catacylsmic for me. It was, I have to say its been one long huge struggle to start over. At the same time I'm not dealing with him on a daily basis so it is easier.
Take care of yourself. Give yourself some way of not feeling as deprived and anxious.
Well, I thought I was the only one who struggled with this! The checks that just suddenly stop....the feast or famine. That is how I live. I do not count on my ex for a dime. On the same hand, I have a court date for the 16th to try to get what he owes my kids. I am leaving that in HP's hands.
In the meantime, I know I am capable and I could get another job if I really have to. With all the other stress in my life and 3 kids and NO support it would be difficult, but as the need arises, it is taken care of. I always forget to look back and rememeber every single time I have been taken care of.
Yes, you are going to be ok. Yes, you have every right and reason to stress right now. Go ahead.
As for the exabf, personally, as tempting as it may seem right now to give him a second thought, a nice distraction, is that really a road you want to go back down? I have been faced with that same temptation. I see it as a test of my program. I don't want that back. I am different. I can't go back. What I found attractive in my ex is no longer attractive to me.
Good luck, hang in there, stay focused on what you can do. And pray.
What caught my eye on your post was, "......"I finished the 12 steps on Sunday." My experience is that I will never be finished with the steps as they have become the framework to how I live. I would suggest that you relook at the program and it's philosophy of life and the suggestions from elder members on (especially the ladies) how to get and work the tools of recovery especially the part regarding your HP.
I have been on the other side of the child support issue and can only say that child support is a responsibility that includes a financial part for the support of health of the children.
Thanks everyone for your ESH, I made it through the day (new post on that to follow) and am just grateful for a NEW month!!!
ps-Jerry..What I meant to say was I made it through my FIRST go round of the twelve steps.....I'm looking forward to the lifelong journey that Al Anon offers:)
I will keep coming back:) shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
One day at a time! Hang in there & don't project! What ifs could make you crazy! I know. I have been there & back! Read ODAT or CTC if you have them. They will help you get out of yourself & you will be able to focus on something that will help you. I am not doing to well about reading anything. But, remember to do what others do that works. Kathleen
