recommending Transforming Our Losses on Depression - Al-Anon Family Group

gngcrzy · Veteran Member

recommending Transforming Our Losses on Depression

Jozie · ~*Service Worker*~

Gngcrzy (((((HUGS)))))

What your friend does is just that... For your friend to deal with, I know for me... When I am around people that do nothing but look for pity, and feel so down on themselves they can't do anymore then speak of others, and be miserable... That makes me turn into them, with enough time...

I choose to limit my time with "Crazy" people, when I'm am done I walk away... Detachment is a good thing when you learn to do it with love...I have been practicing that very thing with my ABrother... I love him dearly, but we are much better together now that he knows what I WILL & WILL NOT Except when it comes to him...It has really helped... But you can't live your life worring what others 'think' & 'believe' you have to take care of yourself, and deside if that is really the kind of people you want to be around, and if it is, then set boundry's as to what you will allow in their presents....It may just work out better for all involved...

I can't give you much more then "My" take on this, but I have been were you are, and I know (I) was the only one that could make it stop....

Take what you like and leave the rest.... Keep coming back because it works if you work it!!!

Friends in Recovery
Jozie

thinkstoomuch · Senior Member

what to do with this? You're doing it smile

. You're taking a baby step by feeling your actual feeling instead of stuffing it (which results in depression), and you're taking ANOTHER baby step by sharing about it. Well done.

Next baby steps might include asking yourself, when you're feeling either angry or depressed, ok, what's going on with me now? what am I feeling? Is this abandonment, hurt, fear, xxxxx? - and continuing to write & share about it. New behaviours are not comfortable, but they DO begin a walk to a healthier place.

I really like Transforming our Losses too, we're reading it at one of my f2f. Sometimes we only make a page or 2 a meeting - and this is a small meeting!

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

I have some experience with depression myself. I spent nearly a year in bed being depressed. I knew it was anger turned inward. I guess I had a lot of pain to deal with, which I finally did get busy feeling, dealing & healing. Had to forgive myself for a lot of things and others. Holding on to past pains was only hurting me.

I did the trying to help, fix, cajole, save & talk to others. It usually just makes other ppl mad that ur trying to influence or lecture them.

I had to get busy focusing on me & get busy living my life. All the time I was worrying or obsessing or trying to help other people, was time that I was not living my own life. I actualy had turned my anger out to HP & that was NOT helpful or constructive for me at all. I went to a psychic a year ago and the first thing she sd is "ur angry at God" - I sorta freaked inside that another human could know that & I got busy working on that relationship immediately.

I am glad u came to the board & expressed some anger, i believe from my own exp that getting it out of your heart, off ur mind & in black & white here, truly is cathartic. I too spent many yrs wondering why some people were A's and why other's weren't. Only god knows these answers, we each have our own lessons to learn & individual walks of life to take. I guess the only answer, is it is a learning experience as personal as our own relationships w/ god/HP.

I used to like it when I was angry, it would give me a lot of energy to make changes. These days I try not to make changes in anger, I try to take my time & be more thoughtful, considerate of me. Being gentle with me is brand new.

gngcrzy · Veteran Member

Thank you for the hugs! I wasn't really expecting them. I just wanted to talk about what was going on and I have a hell of a time doing it at f2f meetings.

I have spent most of my life depressed and got into Al-anon because I was having to talk myself out of suicide several times a day. Depression has been my default since I can remember. It's boring and annoying and it would be great to dump some of it. We'll see.

For the time being I'm content to be pissed at the universe. I think it can take it.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Gngcrzy

Thanks for the topic and the great responses. I spent many of my early days in alanon expressing my anger at the universe. You are right the universe is larger and greater than I and understood my anger and loved me anyway.

Keep on sharing. That new alanon book is great.

Jean4444 · ~*Service Worker*~

I used to scream at the lake (Lake Michigan one of the largest fresh water lakes in the world). She could take it. I started doing this when I was 11 and i still do it when I feel like it and I can (am near it). I knew even at 11 that she could take it. No human could. She was Ok with it.

I understand because I have a kind of odd angle on suicide. I do not think there is anything wrong with it. Its an option. One a person can take. Plain and simple. I keep it in my toolbox, its my choice along with all the others. When someone I know kills themselves, I respect them for it, its their decision to make. its not about anyone else but them and I leave it at that.

Take care and glad you found something that works for you. Yes, the universe is big enough to be furious at. hugs, J.

gngcrzy · Veteran Member

Jean, I feel the same about suicide but most don't and my loved ones certainly don't.

I don't have a handy lake for screaming- I think people would call the police. But one of the great things about car ownership is the privacy it affords for screaming, crying, and singing along to bad music. :)

-- Edited by gngcrzy at 20:06, 2009-02-27

Tracy · ~*Service Worker*~

I have been feeling like you for a while now could have written your post myself. Yesterday another memeber sign posted me to another web site wow
all I can say is recieved lots of GOD good ordely direction feel like I am on an up part of mr roller coaster ride again

Hope this helps
www.coping.org

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.