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I requested an internal transfer. I interviewed. I received a letter offering me the job. I think it would be a good move to learn a new subject area. Learn new skills. Something to put on my resume. Same pay. I would get away from an antagonistic co-worker. Well, it would put me in the same dept. as my AHsober who left, says he wants a divorce, ignores me when he sees me in this small town. We would probably only have meetings (over the phone) every two weeks. I called an Alanon friend and asked her what she would do. She said move. She said it is obvious that he doesn't love you anymore and you still love him. Everytime I see him it will be like a knife stabbing me in the heart. I try to unlove him but it doesn't work. On one hand, I think that my HP is putting him right in my face to see the truth. Well, he is just not into me and I am just not over him. Oh god, I hate this dilemma. It just is not the right time to try to find another job. Any esh?
This is a tough one Nancy but never too difficult for HP - you mention your gut feeling about HP's wanting you to see truth about your relationship. What guidance do you feel from HP about the new job transfer opportunity?
You write a lot of positive changes for accepting the new position and only you know if the interactions of phone meetings every 2 wks would derail you or make you stronger to let go and let God move you to something more wonderful than we can ever imagine.
It is a hard time to move and get another job plus it may not be the right time to relocate. I appreciated your comments about the holding pattern and I feel that I too am at a point where I can move to a new level of my program or I can circle again in this holding pattern. As they say, we are in the right place at the right time to do the next right thing........ the progress we have both seem glancing back at where we came from to now, gives me hope that both of us will see whether it is time to circle back for clarity or move forward.
Sometimes HP helps in the direction I take just by what continues to occur.
with prayers & hugs, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
Congratulations on getting the job! Only you can decide if you want to take the position. I have great faith in you that you can keep it professional with AH. When hubby and I use to work together, it was business as usual. He was the quintessential businessman. True, we didn't have the same kind of relationship that you two do, but business is business. Sometimes you just have to try extra hard to keep it that way.
Change can be scary but very liberating, empowering and exciting. I am growing a bit bored in my job and there is no opportunity for growth. I am seriously thinking of looking for something new. What I don't know. But I may have to start thinking outside the box. I like new challenges. It keeps this old brain active. Sometimes you just have to take life by the horns and go for it. You also have to consider whether or not this means selling your house, etc.
When I get this stuck I make a list of the positive and negatives - especially the emotional ones and then leave it for a day or two. I come back and try to to look at as if I were a totally objective person. Or you can show it to your sponsor, etc. They can't make the decision for you but they can offer guidance. Good luck. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
NM, you got great advice here. My only piece is that I do know that you will make a good decision and a right one and that I believe in you and your HP taking care of this in the best way possible. You are very brave. I have just relocated and let me tell you, its really tough. I do not regret it but its very destabilizing in many many unforseen ways. That said, I do think its a GREAT time to relocate- BECAUSE of the bad economy- lots of looseness there- cheap housing, negotiable deals, etc. While many people feel like batting down the hatches its actually an awesome time to change/make change because of how bad it is- nothing to lose so do what you choose! I know that whatever you decide will be fantastic, you cannot go wrong, my dear. Please do not look at it as a "damned if I do and damned if I don't" kind of situation, it most certainly is not! Hugs, J.
Congratulations on getting the tranfer and job in these difficult times, it would be testing but I know you have the strength to overcome these challenges, see what feels right for you and the very best of luck.
What a tough one. On the one hand, seeing him will certainly be stressful - are you centered enough to not be thrown off if it IS like a knife in your heart? Because nobody can actually do a very good job with a knife sticking out of them.
What I hear is a lack of excitement about the job itself. Is that true, or is it just masked right now because the feelings about the AH are stronger?
If you are satisfied that your motivation is good, and you are not trying to create a crisis, and you have some actual enthusiasm about the job change - my suggestion would be to go for it. If not - I might spend some more time looking at what it would take to get there. If the answer is getting something that's out of your control - then I think it's back to as many meetings as you can possibly make. (Hm.... how about relocating to a place that has multiple meetings every day?????)
On the other hand, it also occurs to me that being in closer proximity to him might help to rub off some of the glow you see around him. Who knows, it might make HIM uncomfortable. He might accuse you of switching just to be close to him (would he be mostly right or wrong?) or HE might leave. If that happens, will your decision to change departments still have been the right choice? If the answer is "no" - then it's no now too.
Whatever you decide, congratulations on being offered the job!, and good luck.
You're post reminds me to check my motives about doing something, anything, that is outside of my normal day to day living and may have a profound longlasting negative consequence. If you can live with the consequences and still grow within them then most likely the choice was proper.
I stopped reacting to the alcoholic in my life and learned to love her anyway just like I wanted to be love. Our town wasn't that large and seeing her or some of her family more than rarely was a given. I had learned in program to be okay with myself, get rid of the fears, guilts, shame and all the other stuff that I kept myself hooked into the alcoholic with. I became okay with me having no attachments to the alcoholic or anyone else. I was practicing self loving and self care. I learned that I didn't need another person to define who or what I was.
Lateral moves are okay too. Good luck and show them how good a decision they made.
I read you post several times and also the responses. What stood out and I kept going back to in your post was the statement, " I THINK MY HP IS PUTTING HIM RIGHT IN MY FACE TO SEE THE TRUTH". You received lots of good ESH, but I think your HP may be right on the mark. Something to think about.
When we were young childern we were told to stop, look, and listen before we crossed the street. Now when I ask my HP for guidance I stop, look, and listen. In most cases it is right there in front of my eyes.
Not much more to add, except you are growing in so many ways!!!
Sometimes we ask the question that we already know the answer too.
I learned here that today I can make a choice. If it's the wrong choice, guess what? I can make another one. If tomorrow I receive new information, guess what? I can make another choice. WHAT A GIFT OF MAKING CHOICES I LEARNED HERE. I grew up with you make your bed, you lie in it. That's B.S. today and today I recognize it.
In much support of you, whatever choice you make. Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
nmike, you said "We would probably only have meetings (over the phone) every two weeks."
Does that mean otherwise you wouldn't have contact?
My first thought was the saying "I can do anything for 24 hrs." So, If you only have to do it over the phone 2x a month, you aquire new skills and add to your resume'....I say It's all about bettering yourself and you should always put you and your future first. Maybe you're being set up for an even better position. Who knows what great things HP has in store?
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Sounds like a wonderful opportunity for growth - point to remember is that you are a professional - offered an opportunity for change - your ex is no more thananother co-worker who deserves treated as a fellow co-worker. There are always folks that we work with who are disagreeable - so the grass is not always greener for that. But learning and growth and opportunity for you are positive - do what is best for you as a professional and perhaps let the rest go - easy to type hard to do - the very best to you
Only you can decide if you want to take the position. I have great faith in you that you can keep it professional with AH. When hubby and I use to work together, it was business as usual. He was the quintessential businessman. True, we didn't have the same kind of relationship that you two do, but business is business. Sometimes you just have to try extra hard to keep it that way.
I like new challenges. It keeps this old brain active. Sometimes you just have to take life by the horns and go for it. You also have to consider whether or not this means selling your house, etc. 
