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i've been sober for over two years now, going to meetings, working my program - doing okay and actually getting better every day, except for this: i recently have been seeing some friends who are very active with alcohol among other things, and they have a way of making me feel very guily - not about my sobriety, other things, various things, recently, I have been feeling very guilty about stuff that doesn't have to do with me. why? can someone fill me in? thanks :) It's really starting to get to me.
I'm detaching and setting boundaries but i need to understand this better. thanks to anyone who can explain this to me. :)
I know when I got out of the "bar Schene" and started living my life, when I would go back around my "ol drinking buddy's" they would thro things at me like. "Your Hen Peck, Or You can never go have any fun or, your out of the loop" and so on and so forth, and there was other MORE hurtful things, but I realized that I was better off and that my son had to come before my desire to be in the "Click"
It can make conversation harder, when you realize you's don't really have much in common "Other then the drinking"... At least that is the way it was for me
Keep coming back, Share your thoughts, and get as much ESH as you can... Because you can do this one day at a time,... Tuff days are always ahead... But so is Happiness of who you have become...
God Bless you for your 2 years of sobriety. Welcome to Al-Anon. The feelings you describe are very familiar to me.
I some how took on the negative feelings of the alcoholics I associated with and because the feelings were so painful- I tried to FIX them.
Until I attended alanon it never dawned on me that I could not fix my feelings by changing others.
Al Anon has many members active in both AA and Al Anon. You are already using the tool of detachment which is very helpful. Meetings, a sponsor, daily gratitude lists and sharing here will be very helpful to understanding and changing what is negatively affecting you.
Got me thinking about how much do i really mean it when i ask my HP:
"Grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change."
I also think i am at the point in my recovery where i need to rely on my faith more than ever, sort of test it - this is where i always go wrong, tho....
gosh, this recovery stuff is hard work!
it's well worth it, tho
I still have not felt as bad as I felt on my best/worst drunk. it all started with not taking that first drink.
You are in the right place to get the right answers. You've stopped the compulsive drinking Yay!! now using the same steps, traditions, concepts, HP and the ESH of the Family Groups you can learn to stop turning yourself and your happiness over to others who don't have the authority to "manage" anything about you. That is "your" job and responsibility.
Chances are the situation was laying somewhere under your drinking and now without the booze you're facing it (life on life's terms).
I also arrested my drinking addiction and have kept it arrested. I came into Al-Anon before AA because I had loaned myself out as a rent-a-martyr or lease-a-victim for all most anyone to hook up. Not today. I don't suffer due to personalities or other peoples choices.
so many new emotions and feelings these days, not used to "normal" ya know?
In the past, I took chances to give someone else the blame when i messed up. I couldn't face myself and my own failures. now, I live life on life's terms. its funny, but that is where i feel the most guilt, when i take for myself just a little comfort, i'm a martyr, yes.
Doormat is more like it - haha
no more excuses...reasons, maybe, but no more excuses.
Congrats on your sobriety! That's just awesome! Leaving one part of your life behind (even if it's for the better) can feel like your loosing part of yourself. I remember when I cut off the negative relatives. There was that part of me that felt guilty, like I lost part of my family and like I was letting my others relatives down by walking away. I was almost ashamed of what I did. How could I do that? But I soon realized that it was the best thing I could have done for myself. Because all those feelings that I had when I was around them suddenly weren't there. I didn't miss the chaos. I no longer had those awful headaches and sleepless nights, that alway came after spending time with them.
Staying true to whom I was was the only thing that got me through that period of my life. Staying true to me was and is the only thing that gets me through my recovery. It's what really see all of us through. Stay true to who you are and what you believe in. Look how far you've come. Congrats again. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
That's just awesome!