The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My ab is supposed to be going for help on tuesday. This got me thinking even if he doesnt drink , even if he stops using cocaine. HE has hurt me so much over the past 4 years. He has no job and no prospects of a good one. He is very irrisponsible and lives for the day. I on the other hand have a good job, I am working my program and really trying to explore myself as a person. I am over responsible and care for others rather than myself. I feel bad but really dont think I love him anymore it is just my addiction to fixing. It is just me feeling very sorry for him. My sponsor says he needs to get help because he wwants to I believe he is going on Tuesday to keep me. This is not fair for me to expect him to do this when I dont think I love him any more. I have just rang it was the hardest thing to do but I told him He has hurt me to much, doesnt respect my boundaries and that I carnt take anymore. I asked him not to ring or come down. He is at his lowest but he got himself there I feel so bad. He said o.k and hung up angrily. Now I need to say what I mean and stick to it I really have no energy left and want to concentrate on my recovery. I will say a prayer for him I hope he finds recovery and HP. If we are meant to have a future HP will make it happen but for now i need to love me and hand my EXAB over
I feel your pain very much. I too am facing this situation where I feel as though there has been too much damage as a result of this disease. I have supported him financially, allowed him to drink, bailed him out, paid for the attorney, paid the fines etc.. It is incredible how difficult it is to make this decision. I can tell you and anyone else that I do not deserve to be in pain every day. Yet, it is all but impossible to break this relationship off and force him to face the consequences of this disease. My A has not gotten help, despite my dragging him to AA, counseling, and making all of the threats. Everytime I try to say that I do not want to live like this, I instead say I can't live like this forever, indicating that the time line is indefinite. I feel like the timeline needs to be definite. Thank God for Al Anon. Keep working the program, and sharing. Tonight someone in my f2f meeting, a meeting that I have only been to twice now, mentioned that something I said at that meeting last week helped her get through the weekend working an Al Anon concept. That made me feel good, and reminded me that I am not just there for myself. I am not there for the alcoholic in my life, but I am there for many other people.
First and for most take care of you...you and your HP will get you were you need to be... It is understood why you have the feelings you do, and it is great that you are detaching.. We all hate it, but we all also know that if "Nothing Changes...Nothing Changes..."
Hand him to his HP and you to yours and see what the future holds just one day at a time... Easy Does It!!!
Just keep doing the very best next thing for you, my dear. I am reminded by your post that Alanon is for those who want it not for those who need it. I didn't know what that used to mean and now I do. People's who program is attractive to me are the ones who practice at working it every day (even if we don't do it perfectly).
I am proud of you for taking good care of you. We are only good to those around us when we begin by taking care of ourselves first. Then we are nourished emotionally and physically and are happy to help others out. Alcoholism is a very selffish disease. Love the person, hate the disease.
Have a wonderful day, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
(((((Tracy))) Good for you girl!!! Focusing on you and taking care of you!! Your post really hit home with me also in lots of ways, I finally reached a point where I had to let EXABF go and know in my heart that if it is HP's will for me, He will make it happen in His time. Please keep taking care of you~
trying to keep it simple shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Take it one day at a time. I'm now one year out from having any contact with the ex A. He calls I don't answer. Don't be deterred by their manipulativeness. I no longer think about how the ex A he is. I turned him back over to his HP.
I do understand the over responsible issue. Have you read Harriet Lerner I find her very helpful.
I'm glad you have a strong program with a sponsor!
